


Induratize

by Cruciamen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A/B/O verse, Alpha Dean, Alpha Gabriel, Alpha Sam, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Anxiety, Cruelty, Dark, Depression, Drama, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Knotting, M/M, Mating, Mentions of Abortion, Mild Gore, Miscarriage, Omega Castiel, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Dean, Protective Dean, Psychological Torture, Rape, Stillborn, Torture, Verbal Abuse, Violence, non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:33:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 63,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2427146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cruciamen/pseuds/Cruciamen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing their parents, Sam and Dean decided to move away and attend the same university. There was an old library on campus that no one really goes into. Curious, Dean goes inside only to find it occupied by one person; an introverted, quiet boy who could barely look him in the eye. Days go by until they meet again. Sam and Dean don't understand why he was so reserved, so enclosed; and it wasn't until later that they realized that some things are better left unknown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I am in the process of editing every chapter as of May 25th, 2015.

Dean lived off campus.

He shared a small house with his younger brother, Sam. Both Sam and Dean attended the same university; Dean was in general studies for his second year in a row, while Sam proceeded his life long dream of becoming a lawyer. Justice was always higher than mercy on Sam's list. Sam was incredibly smart, always rambling on about the latest news, his disappointment in society, or whatever else is on his mind.

A lot used to be expected of them - both Sam and Dean were Alphas, which meant their parents were strict when it came to what university they should attend, what they should major in, and so on.

After their parents died, things got hard. Financially, they were great; their parents' insurance covered basically everything they'll ever need in their lifetime. But emotionally, they were both fragile. Sam and Dean were protective of each other, protective of what little family they had left. Every one of their friends were important to them.

But they weren't completely alone - they still had their uncle Bobby around. He lived in Texas, made phone calls every so often, came to visit them half a dozen times a year, sent them cards, letters, e-mails. He was a great uncle, and Sam and Dean were incredibly grateful that he was still there.

"Sammy, come on, let's get a move on!" Dean shouted, grabbing his keys from the key bowl.

A few seconds later, Sam could be heard running down the steps in a haste. "Don't worry, we aren't going to be late."

Dean shot him a dirty look. "Maybe if you spent less time fixing your hair, I wouldn't be worrying so much."

Sam rolled his eyes.

  
  
Sam's first class was located behind the Human Resources building. Dean didn't have a class until the afternoon. Like usual, Dean walked around the campus, kicking stone, throwing pine cones, waiting for Sam's class to end so that they could leave.

Dean stumbled upon the library. He never really went in there. It was an old building; bricks were crumbling, the roof didn't look stable, it was dark, and he's never actually seen anybody go in there. Curiosity crept into him and thanks to his sense of adventure, he walked into the building.

As suspected, it was dark. He had to turn another corner before he reached the entrance to the library. The door was unlocked. He let himself in, poking his head through first, searching for people. Like he assumed, no one was there. The lights were turned off. The only source of light came from the windows, dimly illuminating the room.

Dean walked around, going to one of the bigger bookshelves located on the left side of the library. Dean stared at the books, none of them catching his eyes. They were all fictional; he was in the romance section.

Without warning, he bumped into something - someone.

"Jesus, fuck!" Dean shouted, obviously scaring the person in front of him.

He was definitely a student by the looks of it. He had an opened book in his hand, which fell to the floor thanks to Dean. Dean bent down, picked up the book, then held it out to the boy in front of him. The boy - or man, Dean should say - kept his head down.

"Sorry," he murmured, taking the book from Dean's hand.

"Nah, man, it's my fault. Didn't think anyone was in here," Dean said.

"No one usually is." he responded, still looking away.

Silence settled awkwardly. Dean has never seen this strange man before, and he constantly roams the campus. Almost every student knew who Dean Winchester was, or at least knew what he looked like. Dean wasn't shy.

Dean scratched the back of his head, frowning slightly. "My name's Dean."

"Castiel," The student murmured lowly. "I-it's biblical."

"Oh, I get it," Dean replied, though he really didn't. He smelled anxiousness coming off him. "Anyway, uh, catcha later, I guess."

Castiel nodded, moving around Dean. Not once did he make eye contact, which struck as odd to Dean. But he shrugged it off. Maybe this Castiel dude was just a shy guy. Seemed like it anyway, what with him being in a practically abandoned library, alone.

After realizing he was still standing still, Dean decided to ditch. The place was giving him the creeps anyway.  
  


"Hey, Sammy, how was class?" Dean grinned, his younger brother walking towards him.

Sam sighed. "Boring."

"Aw, c'mon, Sam, thought you loved this Law and Order bullshit," Dean teased.

Sam gave him a dirty look. "Not when your professor is as dull as a butter knife," Sam muttered, irritated.

Dean felt Sam's irritation. "Okay, tell you what, why don't we let loose tonight? Grab a couple of beers, relax on the couch, and forget about our other classes."

Sam smiled a small smile. "Sounds great, Dean, really, but I can't miss any lessons. You know that."

"I also know that you're a workaholic who doesn't know when to take a break when he needs to. Sam, I can smell the stress off of you. It's kinda gross," Dean looked at him distastefully.

Sam contemplated the idea, then breathed out loudly in defeat. "Okay, okay, you're right."

Dean smiled widely. "Awesome, that's what I like to hear."

"I was told there was a party off campus somewhere. I can text Jess for the details, if you wanna go," Sam suggested, pulling out his cell phone.

"Now you're talkin'."

Jess picked both of them up from their house. The party was being held at Jess's friend Tessa's house. Tessa knew the boys well enough to call them friends. Apparently the party wasn't really a party, so much as it was a little get together with some friends, beers, and a movie. It sounded relaxing enough for Dean, and Sam was a-okay with the idea.

Jess pulled up in front of Tessa's place. Tessa's parents were always travelling, going places, seeing things. She saw them every once in a while, but they didn't like to linger. The town was a little too boring for their flamboyant and extravagant taste. They paid for everything - Tessa's house, schooling, car, groceries - in order to make up for their voluntary absence. Tessa didn't mind, though. She was used to it.

Jess opened the door. "I got them!"

Tessa appeared around the corner, two bottles of beer in her hand. She flashed the boys a dashing smile. "I haven't seen you boys in a long time."

"Blame this kid, right here," Dean pointed to Sam.

Tessa raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Why's that? No, wait, let me guess, he's a study bug."

"Damn right he is," Dean uttered. Sam laughed sheepishly.

"Can't blame you, though. That's what you're living in this dull town for," Tessa stated, holding out the beers. "Take these and let me introduce you guys to a few people."

Tessa lead them to the living room, where a few people were all huddled up on the couch and floor, a few blankets and pillows scattered everywhere.

"Guys, we've got some latecomers. This is Sam and that's Dean," Tessa introduced. "Kay so, here's a quick intro: the long dark haired one's name is Ruby. The Asian kid's name is Kevin. The blonde is Jo. The wavy black haired one is Lisa. The one smirking over there is Gabriel - careful with that one, he's a sly motherfucker."

"I'm flattered," Gabriel said, mockingly. Tessa snorted.

"And that guy, the one with the short dark hair and crazy blue eyes with his nose stuck in a book is Castiel. He's a shy one. Gabe's his big brother." Tessa finished, taking a seat on the couch. "They're polar opposites."

Sam and Dean took their seats. Sam was sitting on the floor and Dean was sitting adjacent to Castiel on the corner couch. A movie was playing: Shawshank Redemption.

Dean kept glancing over at Castiel. He was the only one out of the bunch who wasn't drinking. He kept reading whatever book he held in his hand even though it was dark. Dean wondered if it hurt his eyes.

To Dean, Castiel was like the black sheep of the pack. Which meant they had a lot in common - Dean was always the black sheep of his family. Always partying, drinking, skipping class, and doing things he really shouldn't be doing. But his parents were never strict with him. They loved him for who he was, and appreciated him and his brother. They were so proud. And it didn't matter what for.

Dean zoned out, only coming back to reality when he realized Castiel was looking at him. Dean looked away immediately, eyes darting back to the television screen. Dean clenched his teeth, knowing full well that he was caught staring at Castiel.

Castiel shied away, looking back down at his book, hoping Dean didn't notice him staring back either.


	2. Books and Bees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read the tags for this story and are triggered by certain things, I'd go read the tags first, kay? The panic attack scene isn't described in excruciating detail.

_It was the monsters you couldn't see. The ones who kept their masks of friendship firmly in place and their true intentions disguised. Those were the ones you really had to worry about.*_

Castiel shuddered, closing the book as he attempted to fight off flashbacks. Gabriel was there to comfort him, to wrap an arm around his little brother and pull him into a side hug. No one saw this little exchange except for Dean, who somehow, absentmindedly, started watching Castiel again. Gabriel caught Dean's eyes, frowned, then looked away. Dean bit his lower lip.

"Gabe, I want to go home," Castiel murmured, trying to keep his calm.

Gabriel didn't question it. He nodded once, looking over at the group of friends him front of him. "Hey guys, I think we're going to call it a night."

Tessa pouted. "Already? It's only ten thirty!"

"On a Friday night, seriously, Gabe?" Ruby snorted, shaking her head. "Thought you could hold out longer. We were about to beat the all-time record of movies watched in one night."

Gabriel frowned at her, darting his eyes to Castiel quickly, who dog-eared one of the pages in his books.

"Oh," Ruby mouthed, giving Gabriel an apologetic glance.

Dean frowned slightly, a bit confused. Sam watched, too.

"'It was nice meeting you guys," Gabriel winked at Sam, then nodded at Dean.

"Oh!" Ruby said, gulping down beer. "Party at my house tomorrow. It's gonna be a legit party, though, like with people and shit. All of you are invited. Even you new boys."

"Cool. We'll probably see you tomorrow, then," Gabriel added before escorting his brother out the door. The door closed, and Tessa sighed.

"The anxiety was worse today," She muttered, sympathetically.

"It was making my skin itch." Ruby added. "Would it be rude to say something?"

"That poor boy. Wonder what he's gone through," Jo opened another can of beer.

"Ask Gabe and you're dead," Ruby said, smirking.  
  
"Kind of sad," Lisa agreed halfheartedly.

"Anxiety?" Sam queried, cocking his head to one side.

Tessa nodded. "Couldn't you sense it?"

"Sense? The stench was worse," Dean agreed, hesitantly.

Jo, Ruby, Tessa, Lisa and Kevin snapped their heads up. Jess bit down on her lower lip.

"Alphas?" Jo inquired, her tone stern and concerned.

Sam turned his head slowly, looking up at Dean. 

"Uh, yeah," Dean admitted, slowly. "We both are. How'd you know?"

"Alphas tend to stick to their sniffin'," Jo frowned. 

"I didn't smell it," Lisa said, looking at Jo.

"Yeah, I definitely couldn't smell it. But I sure as hell felt it," Kevin reinforced Jo's statement. "His vibes were like daggers."

"Oh shit!" Ruby laughed in disbelief. "It's no wonder he wanted to leave early."

"Gabriel?" Sam asked.

"No," Tessa interjected, placing her beer on a coaster. She shifted her seating position, her legs now tucked beneath her. "Castiel."

"Why?" Dean questioned, his frown intensifying. He couldn't help but feel guilty and worried.

They all looked at each other. "Well, we're not really supposed to say anything," Kevin filled the awkward silence. "In fact, if we had known, you guys wouldn't be here."

"Jess," Tessa slurred, in a disapproving tone.

"I completely forgot," Jess said, her brows bent upwards in worry. "I really did."

"Is anyone going to explain?" Dean asked, his patience running thin.

Tessa sighed again. "Castiel, he uh, he's been through some shit. It involved Alphas and stuff. He's pretty messed up about it - still is, if you couldn't tell. He knows who's who, if you know what I mean."

"Been like that for years," Ruby shook her head, staring at the unopened can of beer longingly. "They've only lived in this town, for like, two years?" 

"He suffers from anxiety and panic attacks quite frequently," Kevin provided. "But other than that, we know nothing. Gabe keeps it all on the DL. Flips out when someone gets too close or too personal with his brother."

"Very protective," Tessa basically summed it up. "The only Alpha Castiel really trusts is his older brother."

Silence fell among them once again. Sam and Dean shot Jess accusatory glares.

"Sorry," Jess mouthed.

  
Once Castiel was in the safety of his own bedroom, he threw the book onto his bed and began hyperventilating. Tears had already begun to stream down his face, making it even harder for him to breathe. Castiel felt his heart pounding in his chest, his head, his hands, his entire body was burning up. His hands trembled. Thankfully, he was sitting on his bed. If he wasn't, he would have fallen to the ground. His equilibrium would have completely given up on him.

Castiel hated himself for this. He hated ruining Gabriel's night just because he couldn't handle a little anxiety attack. He hated knowing that he was a burden to Gabriel now, even though it wasn't his fault. It didn't matter if Gabriel said he didn't care, that he didn't mind, that he'll always be there for him. Castiel felt as though he ruined his older brother's life with his disorders.

Gabriel knew well not to walk in on him unless Castiel calls out for him, which was often. But this time he didn't. He kept quiet, kept crying silent tears, kept trying to breathe properly even though it wasn't working.

It was a line from his book that triggered him. Books were all Castiel had now. They kept him from going insane, from drowning and getting caught up in his own thoughts and memories. His memory is the most dangerous territory to fall into. Once, he got trapped. He couldn't stop thinking, couldn't stop reliving his memories, and he passed out. Gabriel didn't find him until hours later.  
  
Every once in a while, books would betray him, just like the one he was reading. Sometimes they would have certain sentences that reminded him too much of his past. Sometimes he realized he didn't pay attention to what genre it belonged to. But Castiel trusted books more than he trusted people. People could take him, hurt him, use him. Books were immobile. You can decide whether or not you want to touch them, read them, take them. All books were different. So many books with different variations of the alphabet written inside, all depicting different stories. And if you decided you didn't like the story, you can always return the book.  
  
Sometimes it's not always like that with people.  

Books still kept him busy. Books managed to help him escape into someone else's life, dimension, or what have you. He had hundreds of them in his bedroom. All of them were placed in alphabetical order according to the author's surname. He had bookshelves lining the walls of his room. The only place that didn't hold any books was a large window, which also doubled as a sliding door. It lead to a small balcony.  
  
On that balcony, there was a tiny round table with two metal chairs on either side. There was a half-burnt candle as a center piece. Castiel hadn't been out there in ages, not since autumn. Castiel doesn't like being outside during the winter or summer; it was either too hot or too cold. It was too cold or too hot for little insects and pretty birds. He liked the littler things, the ones that don't get much attention. 

There was a large tree that blocked most of the view outside of Castiel's window. Gabriel tried persuading Castiel to get it cut, but Castiel refused. Every spring, there was a new bumblebee hive that hung from a branch. Castiel learned that bumblebees rarely sting. They were fuzzy, chubby, and sort of slow.

Castiel liked watching the bees.

But that thought alone wasn't enough to pull him out of his state.

So he helplessly fell onto his bed, sobbing into his pillow. The pain in his body did nothing but remind him that he was still living; that he will have to deal with these flashbacks and nightmares for the rest of his life. They weren't going to stop. 

" _You're gonna love this. You're gonna love me._ "

Castiel opened his mouth to call out his brother's name. Except he couldn't. He couldn't shape his brother's name in his mouth. Instead, the name of a stranger was screamed so loud that Gabriel ran to his younger brother's room, gasping for breath. 

"Dean!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Quote is from Chapter 39, last paragraph of Invisible by Carla Buckley


	3. Warnings

"Dean, will you stop worrying? You're stinkin' up the place!" Sam shouted from his bedroom.   
  
Dean frowned at himself in the mirror. He was not worrying. He was doing anything but. He was definitely distracting himself from impending thoughts, though he couldn't tell you what about. He definitely was trying his best not to think about last night and how fucking incredible it was to look into Castiel's eyes for the first time. God, they had to be the bluest of blue out there. That wasn't even an exaggeration. You look into his eyes and you feel like you're being drowned in the Caribbean sea and you _like_ it.  
  
Dean splashed cold water over his face. He wasn't going to think about that right now.   
  
"Jess is going to be here in five minutes!" Sam shouted again.  
  
"Okay!" Dean shouted back. He grabbed a small towel and dried up his face.  
  
Dean was sitting on the couch by the time Sam finally came downstairs. Jess was impatiently tapping her finger on her knee, sitting next to Dean. Sam entered the living room.  
  
"Exactly what were you doing up there?" Dean queried, curiously.  
  
Sam looked at him questioningly. "Uh, getting ready?"  
  
"For what? A fashion show? God, Sam, not even I take that long in the bathroom." Jess teased, smirking slightly. She stood to her feet, dangling her car keys from her fingers. "So, are you ready to go?"  
  
  
Ruby's house was packed. People were everywhere; in the front yard, the back yard, the street. Dean noticed a couple of omega girls - so obvious, they didn't even try to block their scent - checking out some of the Alpha and Beta men.  
  
Usually, female omegas flaunted their status. They weren't afraid to show themselves off, be flamboyant, and outgoing. They loved the attention. A lot of them do it to find a potential mate, which is what their parents would want. Only some of them, though. Others like to stray away, like to keep under cover using scent blockers or manipulate their hormones. Alpha and betas of all genders take advantage of omegas frequently, and it had become a growing problem in society. Supposedly there was a law against sexually assaulting and raping omegas. So, the attackers were always very careful. They always made sure that there was no evidence left behind, including their scent.   
  
Male omegas were rare. Dean has never met one before, or none that he knows of. Sam had met one back when they used to live with their parents. Unfortunately, the omega had to move away due to harassment. Sam lost touch with him after the omega's parents found out that they were still talking after the move. To this day, that still angered Sam. It wasn't fair.   
  
Jess opened the door, pushing and shoving her way through clumps of people before she finally made it to Ruby's bedroom, where Lisa, Jo, Kevin, Gabriel were. Dean was slightly disappointed that Castiel wasn't there. They had a movie playing despite the party going on in the rest of the house.   
  
"You." Gabriel pointed to Dean. "I need to talk to you."   
  
Dean looked at Sam, then back at Gabriel. "Alright."   
  
"Out in the hall." Gabriel ordered. Sam shot Dean an odd look. Dean only shrugged.   
  
When both Dean and Gabriel were in the hallway, Gabriel closed the bedroom door. He looked around, making sure no one was around to listen.   
  
"Am I in some sort of-"  
  
"What the hell did you do?!" Gabriel nearly shouted, keeping his voice at a safe level.   
  
Dean was taken aback. "Excuse me?"   
  
Gabriel shook his head, his thoughts elsewhere. "No. No, you can't be here." Gabriel crossed his arms, having no intention of moving.   
  
Dean frowned, offended. "What the fuck did I even do to you?"   
  
Gabriel smiled, not the least bit amused. "I don't know, why don't you tell me, Alpha?"   
  
Dean laughed humorlessly. As soon as he thought he was starting to like it there, someone always had to go ahead and ruin that.   
  
"Look, buddy-"   
  
"Gabe?" A small voice called out, catching Gabriel's attention instantly. Gabriel spun around.   
  
"What are you doing here?" Gabriel scolded. Dean shifted to the side, trying to get a look at this person. It was Castiel. His wide, innocent eyes questioning. He flinched at Gabriel's tone, taking half a step back.   
  
"You weren't answering your cell." Castiel said, quietly. "And I-I-"   
  
"You know better than to come here!" Gabriel continued to yell at him. And in a lower tone, he added, "I told you."   
  
"Hey, maybe you should try speaking to him calmly?" Dean suggested, shooting Gabriel a dirty look.   
  
Gabriel and Castiel averted their eyes towards Dean.   
  
"Stay out of this." Gabriel was on the verge of growling. 

Dean raised his hands up in surrender. "All I'm saying is that maybe you should speak to your brother with a little empathy. Obviously he came to you for an important reason if it meant putting himself at risk just to get here." Dean shrugged past them, walking back into the Ruby's bedroom.   
  
No one seemed to notice.   
  
Dean sat next to Sam on the long couch in front of Ruby's oversize bed. He despised the way Gabriel made his brother cower. He despised how Castiel physically had to take a step back because his brother's voice scared him. He despised the idea that Castiel was so worried, so scared that he had to come to Ruby's party just to find Gabriel. Dean understood why Castiel didn't come - he wasn't allowed to. There were alphas at the party. And for some reason, Castiel wasn't supposed to be around them.   
  
"Hey, bro, ease up." Sam whispered, nudging his brother in the ribs. "What's wrong?"   
  
"Nothing." Dean uttered back, his tone saying otherwise.   
  
Sam dropped the subject, his attention turning back to Jess who was showing him a few photos on her phone. Lisa was talking to Jo about some club they were both in. Kevin was on his cell phone, no doubt reading some sort of online book. Dean was the only one paying attention to the movie. Sort of. Dean was the only one not socializing.   
  
It was then when Gabriel opened the door, followed by Castiel, who kept his head low.   
  
"Oh, hey Castiel!" Jess grinned, looking up from her cell phone. Lisa, Jo, and Kevin murmured hellos and gave him grins. "Thought you couldn't come today."   
  
"Came to join at the last minute." Gabriel said through a forced smile.   
  
"Cool. Well, if you couldn't already tell, we're basically the outcasts of this party." Jess joked, lifting the mood.   
  
"It's better than having people grind up all over you in the living room." Lisa shuddered, making Jo crack a smile.   
  
"You guys are so lame!" A very wasted Ruby shouted through the small opening of the door. Gabriel shut it in her face.   
  
"We've got a movie playing. Don't really know what it's about, but feel free to fill me in if you decide to pay attention." Jess invited, gesturing to the empty spot on the couch next to Dean. "Sit there next to Dean. Kevin, Jo, and Lisa have taken over the floor and I'm pretty sure Ruby would kill you if you wrecked her satin bed sheets."  
  
Gabriel glared at Dean, discreetly grabbing Castiel's arm. Castiel frowned ever so slightly, shaking off Gabriel's grip. Gabriel's fingers tightened around Castiel's arm.   
  
"Go on." Lisa nodded to the couch. "Dean doesn't bite. Right, Dean?"   
  
The double meaning in those words made everyone in the room tense up. Sam looked at Dean, watching him carefully.   
  
"Nope." Dean replied simply, not taking his eyes off the TV.   
  
Lisa sighed, noticing the tension in the room. "Pity."   
  
Castiel managed to shake free from Gabriel's monster grip and courageously took a seat next to Dean. Gabriel sat unnaturally close to Castiel. His whole right side was in contact with his younger brother. Dean felt Castiel's discomfort, and he fought the urge to stroke through his hair to calm him down.   
  
Discomfort filled the room. And there was nothing he could do about it.   
  
  
Monday rolled around and it was dreadful. The weekend was slow, unproductive, and horrid. Sam wouldn't shut up about how great their new circle of friends were. Dean had to agree. Yeah, Jess did introduce them to some pretty freaking awesome people. Except for Gabriel. Dean couldn't stand him. On top of that, Dean couldn't get Castiel off his mind no matter how hard he tried. He didn't understand if it was the way Gabriel treated him or if the he was just too quiet and reserved - Dean really couldn't get his incredible blue eyes off his mind. Even Sam noticed a change in his behavior.   
  
"Dean! Let's go! You ready?" Sam shouted from the top of the staircase.   
  
Dean held up his keys again. "Always before you."   
  
Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I got psych first block. Let's move."   
  
They arrived on campus on time. As usual, Dean didn't have classes until later on that day. He say outside, waiting for Sam's ninety minute class to end. The sky was gloomy, dark, casting an ugly shadow across the town. Dean sat on a stone bench that was also part of an abstract waterfall. He stared off at the dark part of the school, where there were so many trees that sun has never touched that area for years. It was where the library was located.   
  
Dean stood up without thinking, already walking to the library. It was when he stood in front of the doors did he notice that he actually got up. His hand reached out to pull the door handle. Dean felt a tug, a small tug pulling him inside the building. It felt like an instinct. Dean couldn't ignore it. Once he opened the library doors, he stepped inside and immediately smelled fear.   
  
It was strong, potent. It made Dean's stomach churn and tie up into numerous knots. Dean wanted to make it stop, to comfort whatever was feeling scared. He sensed it come from the corner of the library, without question, he followed it. Once he turned around the corner of a bookshelf, he saw the source of the scent. He was shaking, quiet tears rolling down his cheeks. His head was bowed down, hiding behind his knees as if he were trying to hide. He looked so small, so vulnerable. He whined.   
  
"Hey," Dean whispered, making Castiel jump. For the first time in two days, Dean saw his blue eyes again. Except this time, they were full of pain and fear. They were watery, bloodshot, and big. Dean's heart broke at the sight. "hey, it's okay." Dean promised, bending down to Castiel's level. "What happened?"   
  
Castiel kept crying. Dean let him. He own heart ached, as if to tell him to make it stop.   
  
"Did someone hurt you?" Dean could hear the edginess in his own voice. Castiel shook his head, keeping it down. "Did someone say something mean to you?" Again, Castiel shook his head.   
  
Dean looked down at the book next to Castiel. It was laying face-down, still opened. Dean quirked an eyebrow. "Was it your book?"   
  
Castiel nodded, slowly. Relief washed through Dean. He reached out to touch Castiel's shoulder. Castiel jolted a little at the contact, but allowed it.   
  
"You wanna talk about it?" Dean asked. Castiel looked up, lips parting slightly. Dean pressed his into a thin line.   
  
Castiel nodded.   
  
  
"Where were you?" Sam asked, only a little concerned.   
  
Dean looked over his shoulder as he approached Sam, with half a smile on his face. "I was, uh, in the library."   
  
Sam stared at him doubtfully. "Really, Dean, the library?"   
  
"Yeah." Dean's smile widened.   
  
Sam shook his head. "Gross. If you're gonna do it, do it somewhere classy. Not in a flippin' library."   
  
Dean mocked feeling hurt. "I'm offended, Sammy! As a matter of fact, I was not having sex in the library. I was having a discussion about books."   
  
"Okay, now you're shitting me." Sam turned away, walking towards the parking lot. Dean caught up to Sam's side.   
  
"Seriously, Sam. I was in the library talking about books." Dean tried to convince.   
  
Sam was quiet before he replied. "Okay. You were in the library talking about books." Sam fought off a laugh. "With who? I haven't seen anyone go in there for months."   
  
Dean didn't answer.  
  
Castiel was absolutely mesmerizing. Dean could listen to him talk for hours - even with his hiccup-y, broken toned voice - about books. Castiel had such a deep voice for such a little guy. Dean could just listen to him ramble on and on about how emotional he gets when he reads a certain passage, or how beautiful imagery occurs when the author writes in intricate detail. Dean loved listening to Castiel. He loved how passionate Castiel gets when he just loses himself in words. At a certain point, Castiel was so deep into what he was saying, he started tearing up. Dean, just to put it simply, liked Castiel. And he would gladly listen to him again, if given the chance.   
  
"Hello?" Sam waved a hand over Dean's face. "Are you gonna answer me?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Who were you with? I doubt you'd willingly go into the library by yourself. Plus, if you say you were discussing books, then there had to be more than just you in there." Sam reasoned, raising an eyebrow. "So? Who is it?"   
  
"It's none of your business." Dean retorted, as they got to the car.   
  
Sam gave his brother a disappointed glance. "You know I'll eventually find out, right?" Sam taunted, staring at Dean over the hood of the car.   
  
Dean glowered at him. "Just drop it, Sam. It's not important. Seriously."   
  
"Whoa, okay, then." Sam backed off. If Dean had to give him a warning, that meant Dean really didn't want him knowing. So, Sam sat on the passenger side as Dean got in the car. Sam tried to hide his smile.   
  
Oh, he'll definitely find out.  

 

 


	4. Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do update quite frequently.

It was another Friday night at Tessa's.

The same group of friends were there: Lisa, Kevin, Jo, Jess, and Ruby. Gabriel wasn't showing up until later, and no one mentioned Castiel, much to Dean's disappointment. Sam was sitting next to Jess and Ruby on the couch, both of them narrating the movie on the television to Sam as if he wasn't watching the same thing they were.

Dean sat on the floor, his mind elsewhere. He couldn't think properly, couldn't focus on anything - not even his more interesting classes. His mind kept wandering off to that talk he had with Castiel at the library a few days ago. He missed hearing his voice, he missed looking into his unbelievably oceanic eyes, he missed every aspect of his being.

And it was terrifying him.

Never has he ever had such a strong crush on someone in his entire life. Hiding that from Sam was like leaving cookies on the table with a dishtowel over top of them; if you had to guess what's under there, you're probably right. Sam was clever. He wasn't stupid or blind. He knew Dean was falling hard for someone. He just didn't know who.

What scared Dean to most about this whole ordeal was the off chance that he might not be able to tell Castiel how he really felt. Of course, it was too early for Dean to tell whether or not he really, really liked this guy. He just knew that he couldn't stop thinking about him, longing to be by his side, listening him talk about whatever it is he wanted to talk about. Then there was the chance that Castiel might not feel the same way. Rejection would hurt him the most. Dean would rather stay quiet than ruin what little friendship they had. Especially with Gabriel trying to keep Dean away, it didn't seem likely that he'd ever have another memorable moment like they had in the library.

Dean doesn't know how all of this started; when did he start liking guys? When did he start falling for Castiel? Why did he start falling for Castiel? It all seemed sudden, as if he wasn't given the chance to ease into the situation. Then again, when does anything actually wait?

"Dean, seriously, what the fuck is up with you?" Ruby sneered, staring at him with an estranged look.

"Dude, you really have to tone down the desperation. It's making me feel queasy." Jess added.

"What are you thinking about?" Sam queried, raising an eyebrow. Dean glared at him.

"It's nothing." Dean spat through clenched teeth.

Lisa looked at him. "You sure? Doesn't seem like it."

"Oh, Dean's just tripping over someone." Sam blurted nonchalantly. Dean wanted to strangle him.  
  
"Shut up!" Jess slapped his arm. "Really?"

"Oh my god, who?" Jo inquired, excitedly.

"Can you all just stop it?" Dean pleaded.

Right then, the front door opened and in came Gabriel.

"You." Gabriel pointed to Dean. "Out."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dean groaned.

"This is ridiculous, Gabe!" A familiar voice said. All of Dean's desperation faded into nothing, until he only felt love and desire. He watched as Castiel came into view, their eyes locking instantly. Castiel was distressed.

Gabriel turned to look at his younger brother. "We're not having this discussion again."

"You can't keep making decisions for me." Castiel frowned, tearing his eyes away from Dean.

"So long as if I'm your older brother, you're damn right I'll be making decisions for you." Gabriel fought.

"Guys, can you just get along? I mean, if you're gonna fight, then please do so elsewhere." Tessa shot them a sour look, but she did make a valid request.

Gabriel nodded once, pushing Castiel into the hallway. Castiel spun around. 

"Why can't you just accept that fact that I like him?" Castiel murmured, keeping a watchful eye on their group of friends.

Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "You don't understand, Cas."

"Then help me understand!" Castiel pleaded. "You know better than I do that you can't help how you feel." Castiel looked away.

Gabriel hesitated, on the verge of losing it. "I'm telling you to keep your distance. You know this. I told you this. This world is a dangerous place for someone as special as you. You're a primary target to predators here and it's my job to protect you. Not everyone is as nice as you are, Cas. You gotta know that. You gotta understand this. You cannot let your heart overrule your mind because you know exactly what happened the last time you decided to follow your heart."

Castiel lowered his head, hiding his teary eyes. He didn't want to be reminded.

"I'm doing this to protect you from getting hurt again, Castiel." Gabriel added with a gentler tone. "I can't let you get hurt."

  
Dean didn't like how he was feeling; angry, sick, desperate, and...urged? Dean felt like there was something important that he needed to do, but he didn't know what.

Gabriel walked into the living, taking a seat next to Ruby on the couch. Castiel followed him, sitting next to his brother. His head was down the entire time. Gabriel held onto Castiel's arm the entire time.

Dean's whole body screamed, telling him to hold Castiel and protect him.

Castiel looked up and into Dean's waiting eyes. Castiel looked away quickly, ducking his head away.

Dean swore he saw tears.

Somewhere within Dean, a flame ignited. He wanted to burn whoever put those tears in Castiel's eyes. He wanted to take him away, bring him somewhere safe, tell him it's okay because it really is. He just wanted to take Castiel away from his toxic older brother, because somehow Dean knew that Gabriel was keeping him away from everything. Gabriel was too protective, and Dean could see that Castiel was hurting.

Castiel was lively. He really was. Dean had the blessing of seeing that. Castiel was passionate, and caring, and creative. He had the imagination and words of a writer. Castiel was someone you would look up to for positivity and reassurance. But, Dean felt that there was a darker side. There was a side that Castiel was hiding, tucking away. Dean could smell him, sense him, it's as though his body is reacting to every single aspect of Castiel's being and he doesn't even know why. There were moments where Castiel would fall silent and everything was eerie, still. There was something totally off, and it was unnerving.

Dean stood up, heading towards the front door.

"Hey, where are you going?" Sam queried. Dean looked over his shoulder. He didn't glance at Sam.

"I'll be back." Dean replied, then closed the front door.

He needed to think.

  
Castiel watched Dean leave. Internally, he was whining. He wanted to see him again. He wanted to know that Dean was watching out for him. He wanted to pretend like he didn't notice Dean staring. He wanted to talk to him again, because he's such a good listener. He's the only one who ever cared to listen. Gabriel doesn't even listen to him anymore. Castiel was just a marionette, and Gabriel was the puppeteer.

Gabriel's grip on his arm loosened. Castiel felt the blood circulate back into his arm, leaving a warm, tingly feeling. It was then when Castiel decided to get up.

"Sit back down." Gabriel ordered.

"I'm just going to use the bathroom." Castiel said, waiting for his brother's permission.

Gabriel breathed out loudly. "Okay. Go."

Castiel hurriedly made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He turned to look himself in the mirror.

God, he doesn't even recognize his own face anymore. He looked tired and spent. The bags under his eyes were dark, prominent. But that was due to nightmares. They don't bother him as much anymore, although sometimes the dreams are so realistic, so sadistic that he'll be shaken up for hours afterwards.

Castiel glanced over at the bathroom window. He needed to leave. He needed fresh air - away from Gabriel. Castiel loved his brother a lot. He's given up so much just to look after him. He protected him from so many dangerous things, including himself. Gabriel was great when he wasn't protective.

Without hesitation, Castiel opened the window quietly. The window lead to the backyard. It was dark outside, and he couldn't really see where he was landing. He guessed grass. When he finally made it out, he whole body felt refreshed instantly. For once, he was no longer in the same house as Gabriel.

Castiel turned around to look at the backyard. Almost instantly, he was pushed back against the house, a hand clamped over his mouth.

"Shhh," Dean hushed, the hand that pushed Castiel against the side of the house came up to rub Castiel's shoulder, soothing his rapidly beating heart. "calm down, it's just me" Dean said. "Now, I'm gonna take my hand off your mouth. If you're gonna talk, whisper. Unless you want Gabriel to find you." Slowly, but as promised, Dean took his hand away, keeping his eyes on Castiel's.

Castiel shakily breathed out, shuddering. He looked down, tears welling up in his eyes.   
  
" _I like you standing up. That way I can watch you slump down when I'm done with you._ "

"Hey, hey, Cas, buddy, did I really scare you that bad?" Dean queried, both his hands on Castiel's shoulders. Dean lowered his head to try and look at Castiel.

Castiel shook his head. "No," He answered meekly. "no. I, i-it's just..."

"It's okay, just take a breather." Dean suggested, looking around. He seriously hoped no one noticed Castiel's prolonged absence. Dean let go of Castiel's shoulders, reminding himself that Castiel was still obliviously unaware of his still-developing feelings. 

"Can we," Castiel drew in a deep breath. "can we leave?"

Dean stared at him incredulously. "What, you want your brother to chop my head off or something?" Dean wasn't really joking.  
  
Castiel looked up at him pleadingly. "Please." Castiel whispered, blue eyes begging.

Dean had to look away. "I dunno, Cas."

"I just wanna leave." Castiel was on the verge of a breakdown. "With you."

Dean gazed up again involuntarily, biting down on his lower lip. Castiel reached out to touch Dean's forearm, his fingertips only grazing his skin.

"Dean." Castiel pleaded, again.

His name alone made Dean want to pull Castiel in, feel more than just fingertips and clothing. And finally, Dean couldn't resist.

"Yeah. Yeah, let's go." 


	5. Apathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating on whether or not I wanted to upload this chapter.

  
It was a terrible idea, but Castiel didn't care.

They managed to sneak away without getting caught, hopping into Dean's car, then speeding off. Castiel breathed out a sigh of relief. Dean glanced over at him, a concerned look on his face.

"You okay?" Dean asked, turning down the radio.

Castiel looked out the window and up at the sky. The moon was half hidden by a large, grey cloud. The sky was dark, partly cloudy with a few stars here and there. "Yeah." Castiel replied, nodding.

Dean kept driving. He didn't really know where to take him. He didn't really know what Castiel wanted. So he kept driving, winding through unfamiliar neighborhoods and roads until Dean really didn't know where they were. Castiel didn't seem to mind.

"Hey, uh, maybe I should take you home now." Dean suggested, reluctantly. As much as he wanted Castiel to stay with him, he knew that Gabriel would be worried. And Dean knew how it scary it is when your brother isn't where he's supposed to be.

Castiel twisted in his seat. "Not yet."

"It's getting late now, Cas." Dean tried to reason, his eyes darting to the clock on his dashboard. It was eleven thirty.

For a second, Dean thought he heard Castiel whimper. "Please."

And there he goes again, making Dean cave using one word. It made Dean want to collapse in Castiel's arms, made him want to get lost in his scent because Dean knew that if Castiel smelled irresistible from a couple of feet away, he must be, without a doubt, intoxicating within inches. It was incredible, how a _beta_ could smell so amazing. It just made him want to -

"Dean?" Castiel shrilled frantically.

Dean's eyes snapped to the road that he was no longer following. And immediately, he repositioned his wheel, all the while his heart beating wildly. A few seconds later, Dean pulled over and turned the engine off. Both his hands went to either side of his head. His hands trembled. If Castiel hadn't called out his name, they would have ended up in a ditch. Castiel could have been seriously injured. Dean could have lost him. To think that Castiel could have gotten hurt was enough for Dean to finalize that he, too, was a danger to Castiel. Gabriel was right - he should have stayed away.

Dean slaughtered himself with guilt.

Both of them sat in the darkened vehicle. Castiel could barely see Dean's face.

The road was dark; no street lamps, no buildings nearby, nothing besides reflective hazard lights on the ground, showing them where their lane was. The moon was now completely hidden behind the grey cloud. Castiel could feel how overwhelmed Dean was with guilt. He reached out to take Dean's trembling hand into his. Dean seemed startled at first, but allowed it. Castiel held his hand between both of his and the trembling stopped entirely. Dean covered his eyes with his other hand, still not letting himself face Castiel.

"It's okay." Castiel promised. They hadn't crashed. Dean was just not thinking for a few seconds. They didn't roll into the ditch, so everything was fine. It was okay.

"No, it's really not, Cas." Dean whispered, his throat felt tight.

Castiel frowned. "It is. It's okay. You're fine. Look, you didn't crash."

"It's not me that I'm worried about." Dean managed to say. He swallowed, biting down on his lower lip. "Fuck, you could've gotten hurt."

"But I'm not!" Castiel squeezed Dean's hand in reassurance. "Dean, please, it's okay."

Dean dropped his hand from his face to the steering wheel. "I have to bring you back or call Sam or Gabriel or-"

"No! Gabe-he'll never let me..." Castiel protested, looking away. "Just, please, no."

"I don't think I can drive you back." Dean glanced at Castiel, but he couldn't see his face.

"Then don't. Can we just stay here?" Castiel asked, taking his right hand and running it through his hair. His left hand still held Dean's. "Going back there right now wouldn't do either of us any good."

Dean's hand felt warm, and it was then when he realized that they were still holding hands. His heart rate spiked up a bit. Dean didn't say anything. He looked out the driver's window and up at the sky. The moon was still hiding behind clouds, but there were still stars up there. Dean didn't deny the limitless beauty; just because the main idea isn't there, doesn't mean the details don't count.

"Do you even know what I am, Cas?" Dean blurted.

Castiel sighed. "Does it matter?"

Dean closed his eyes. "Yeah, it matters a lot."

Castiel hesitated. "Then yes."

Dean rested his forehead against the window. It pained him to talk about this, because it might be the last time he'll ever be able to see Castiel, depending on whether or not Castiel knew what he was. He wanted Castiel to know what he was, he wanted to hear him say it. But mostly, he wanted to know what Castiel wanted. There were mixed signals and feelings, and Dean knew that Castiel felt something, whatever it was.

"No." Dean shook his head. "No, do you know what-"

"Dean-"

"-you're with right now?"  
  
It was just one thing after the other. It never seemed to stop. 

Castiel was silenced. Tension filled the car as Dean forced himself not to look at Castiel. Castiel let go of Dean's hand, leaving Dean feeling somewhat empty. His heart sank. He knew this moment would come.

"Dean." Castiel's voice was soft, endearing. As soon as Dean turned to face Castiel, Castiel took that chance and leaned in, kissing Dean square on his mouth. Dean was taken aback. He opened his eyes, seeing the Castiel hadn't closed his.

Castiel didn't take his eyes off Dean - he couldn't. He didn't want to stop looking at him. It didn't matter that he could barely see him. But the slight glint in Dean's opened eyes was all he needed to continue. Castiel felt Dean's hands come up to caress either side of his face, pulling him closer even though that next to impossible. Castiel let out a small whimper, signalling his oncoming stress.

Dean pulled away, tearing their gazes apart.

"I'm an alpha." Dean confessed. Avoiding the truth was like not handing in your homework on time. Somewhere down the line, it will come back to bite you, and you'll have to pay. "You really, really shouldn't be with me." What killed Dean was that he doesn't even know why. "Your brother-"   
  
Castiel silenced him by reaching up to touch his lips with his index finger. He should be feeling scared. He should be flinching away, pushing himself up against the opposite side of the car. He should be running away by now, calling his older brother to come find him. He should be telling Dean that it was a mistake, that he wanted to go back.   
  
Then, three words. Three words was all it took for Dean to feel okay again. Three words and Castiel has agreed to everything Dean has to offer. Castiel looked at him earnestly.

"I don't care."

  
When Dean pulled up in front of Tessa's house, the first thing they saw was Gabriel pushed open the door and angrily made his way across the lawn. Dean turned off the engine and looked over at Castiel.

"It'll be okay."

Dean got out first. Following Gabriel was, in order, Tessa, Ruby, Jess and Sam. Lisa, Jo, and Kevin respectfully decided to stay inside. Ruby look amused, her mouth twisted into a smirk. Tessa and Jess looked incredulous and a little stunned. Sam looked indecisive, as if he didn't know what to think of the situation. Sam concentrated on Gabriel.

Gabriel channeled all his anger towards Castiel.

"What the _fuck_ were you thinking?" Gabriel shouted, walking right up to Castiel. He grabbed Castiel's arm, pulling him back towards the house. But abruptly, he stopped, turned around, and stared at his little brother with wide eyes. "You smell different."   
  
Castiel looked at Dean. Neither of them were going to bring up the near-accident. Or the kiss.  
  
Gabriel noticed.   
  
"What did you do?" Gabriel asked, his voice a dangerous kind of calm. Castiel didn't know how to answer. How were you supposed to answer if no one was willing to listen? The only person willing to listen was standing right in front of them, and he wasn't even allowed to be with him.   
  
"Nothing." Castiel murmured, quietly.    
  
"Don't you fucking lie to me!" Gabriel growled, his grip on Castiel's arm tightened. Castiel whined.   
  
"Gabe, hey, take it easy on your brother." Jess said, stepping forward.   
  
"Maybe we should go inside." Sam suggested, turning around. Without arguing, they all turned back into the house. Tessa shot them a warning glance before closing the front door. Gabriel turned his attention back to his brother.   
  
"Answer me now, god damn it!" Gabriel clenched his teeth.   
  
Castiel looked down at his arm. "You're hurting me."   
  
Gabriel honestly never meant to hurt Castiel, whether it be emotionally or physically. But at times like this - times were Castiel puts himself in danger - Gabriel couldn't help it. He  _wouldn't_ see Castiel get hurt, not if he can help it.   
  
"You're hurting him." Dean echoed Castiel's words, trying to wedge himself between both of them. Gabriel grabbed Dean's t-shirt with intentions of pushing him back. Instead, he sniffed him.   
  
And in that moment, there was no hope in reasoning with Gabriel. "You motherfucker." Gabriel spat, releasing Dean's t-shirt to punch Dean in the face. Dean stumbled back, hand reaching up to touch his lip.   
  
"Gabe!" Castiel tried to wriggle out of his brother's grasp, unsuccessfully. Gabriel looked at Dean with utter disgust. Dean didn't dare retaliate. Castiel's heart began to ache, realizing, too, that there was no hope left. Through eye contact, he begged Dean. Begged him to take him away again, begged him to bring him somewhere safe. Castiel didn't even care that they almost got into a wreck - he still felt safe with Dean no matter what. He couldn't explain why.   
  
"If you ever come near my brother again, I'll kill you." Gabriel promised, pulling Castiel away.   
  
Hopeless and helpless, Dean slammed his fist on the hood of his car, cursing loudly. He couldn't decide whether or not that night was a good one. Sam watched his older brother punch his car. He watched as Dean let himself go. He yelled, he swore, he pulled at his hair. It was difficult to watch.   
  
Dean's assumptions were right; tonight might have been the last night he'd ever see Castiel.   
  
Yet, he was wrong; rejection would have been much, much less painful.  
  
  
"Dean, you gotta stop moping." Sam said, walking into their living room.   
  
It had been three weeks since Dean last had contact with Castiel. It has also been three weeks since Sam found out who Dean was falling for, three weeks since they've seen their friends, and three weeks since Dean attended any of his classes. The school was threatening to kick him out if he didn't go back to class.   
  
Dean didn't want to defy Gabriel's wishes. Going against what he wants wrecks everything. Gabriel was in charge of his younger brother, he was the oldest and the alpha, and that usually meant that they had to take care of their younger siblings whenever the parents or guardians weren't around. Dean comprehended that, respected it. He was like Gabriel, in that sense.   
  
Dean opened his third can of beer. It was even eleven in the morning and he was already getting wasted. "I don't even care anymore, S'mmy."   
  
"If you don't care anymore, then why don't you get up and do something? This...this can't be healthy." Sam frowned, picking up Dean's empty beer cans.   
  
Dean swallowed a mouthful of his cheap beer. It was the same speech over and over for the past few weeks; Sam would come into the living room, point out that what he was doing isn't natural or whatever, then leaves to go to his classes. Dean's adviser has called the house numerous times, asking Dean if there were troubles at home or if he needed counselling. And always, Dean would let it go to voice mail, delete the voice mail, then go back to sitting on the couch, drowning himself with beer and crappy cable movies.   
  
But this morning, something different happened. Sam received a phone call. Not from the adviser or a telemarketer, but from Gabriel. Since when did Sam have his number, Dean doesn't know. 

"Gabe?" Sam queried into the phone, his tone in disbelief. There was mumbling, a chorus of, "Yeahs" and "Okays" and humming. And then, "Oh, shit."   
  
Dean looked over at Sam, who was frowning so hard that Dean was about to make a joke about it. Sam darted his eyes towards Dean, worry evident in his features.   
  
"Uh, are you sure?" Sam inquired breaking eye contact. "No, I mean, do you think that's a good idea?" There was silence. "No, yeah, I know...Gabe..." In a lower tone, he added, "he's been depressed, why?" Sam turned around, as if that would stop Dean from hearing their conversation. "No...no, that can't be...how is that even...yeah, yeah, okay." More silence. "If he needs him, then I'm not gonna interfere...good. Good. Yeah, ten minutes, probably." Then Sam hung up. He drew out a long breath. "  
  
"The fuck you talking to him for?" Dean uttered.   
  
"That was Gabe." Sam concluded, shoving his cell phone back into his pocket.   
  
"Figured just as much." Dean rolled his eyes.   
  
Sam rubbed the back of his neck. "It-it was about Cas."   
  
Dean's heart palpitated. "Is he okay?"   
  
Sam licked his lips. "See, that's the thing, he, uh, he's not doing too well."   
  
Dean stayed quiet. He could hear his heartbeat pound in his ears, like rhythmic drumming. His head whirled, giving him an unnecessary head rush. "I have to see him."   
  
"Yeah, I know. Gabe wants you to. Cas has been asking for you." Sam said.   
  
"Then get the fucking keys and drive, fuck!" Dean got off the couch, running a hand through his hair. Sam stood there, a little bit shocked that Dean reacted so quickly. "Get a fucking move on, Sam! Jesus!"   
  
"Alright! Alright." Sam moved, grabbing the keys from the hook.   
  
Dean was already out the door. " _Sam!_ "   
  
"I'm coming!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all like it. Next chapter we get some fluffy shit, so stay tuned for that.


	6. Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teeny weeny bit of fluff as a substitute for comic relief. Definitely more in upcoming chapters.

It was all over.

Or, at least, it felt like it.

Castiel had been crying for days. He kept himself tucked in his bed, pillow slightly damp with tears. He couldn't move, couldn't speak without crying. It whole body was in pain; his heart ached the worst. It felt as though someone had surgically removed his heart and forgot to put it back. He felt empty, so lost, so hurt. His eyes were puffy, red, swollen. Gabriel tried giving some ice to put on it, but Castiel would look the other way, and continue crying.

It had been days since Castiel's eaten. The days that he does, all he wanted to eat was an apple and a few crackers. He rarely drinked water unless Gabriel forced the straw into his mouth.

Castiel hadn't been attending any of his classes either. Fortunately, Gabriel managed to get him excused for a month. As for Gabriel, he couldn't leave his little brother alone. He was too fragile. His little brother's depression and eating disorder was out of control, to the point where he debated on bringing him to the hospital. Castiel didn't want that, though. Every time Gabriel asked what he wanted to eat, wanted to drink, wanted to do, Castiel would always reply with, "I want Dean. I just want Dean."

And for three weeks, Gabriel had been denying his brother's wishes without knowing the consequences. He never knew how one could become so ill without seeing one person for a few weeks. But then, it hit him - Dean wasn't just a person. There was only one person that could make someone feel the way Castiel felt - a mate. After much research, consulting therapists and professionals, that was the only conclusion he could come up with. He didn't like it.

Castiel doesn't know that, though. Gabriel was almost one hundred percent sure that Dean doesn't know either.

On top of that, Castiel's nightmares progressively grew worse. Each night, he would wake up quaking, a sobbing mess. He had suppressed those haunting thoughts for weeks, and for once, he thought it was over, that he could move on. It all seemed to be okay when he was with Dean. He even thought he could be happy.

Castiel shoved his face in his pillow for the third time in five minutes, and screamed. His whole body was giving up on him, telling him that he was going to die.

'You ever feel pain like this? Pain that felt so good?'

"Not like this." Castiel mumbled, cringing. "Not like this."

"Hey, Cas?" Gabriel knocked lightly on the door. Sam quietly followed in behind him. Gabriel's face fell at the sight of his self-destructing little brother. "He's here."

On cue, Dean followed in behind Sam, frowning. The scent of depression, anxiety, panic, fear, and sadness was mixed into one room. It was honestly one of the hardest things Sam and Dean ever encountered.

"Oh my god." Dean breathed, running to Castiel's side.

On sight, Castiel erupted into tears. Dean touched Castiel's cheek delicately, his heart breaking. "Hey, baby, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here, now."

"Dean." Castiel croaked, pushing himself up. Dean helped him, holding him by his waist. It horrified Dean how thin Castiel had become. Nonetheless, he still held him. He still pulled him close, burying his face into Castiel's neck. His brows furrowed as he inhaled, realizing how much he really needed Castiel. Castiel's hands was trapped between them as he grasped fistfuls of Dean's shirt, pulling him closer.

And, oh god, they both felt fifty times better. Dean kept breathing in Castiel's scent until it was imprinted in his mind, until it was the only thing he could smell. But something was different, something was off. It wasn't as faded as it was before; it was much stronger, more potent. It had its own flare.

Then, holy fuck, did it ever hit him. Omega. _Omegaomegaomega_. The word chanted in his brain like a broken record. Castiel was an omega.

That was why he was never allowed to be around alphas unless it was his brother. That's why all of their friends were warning both Sam and Dean. That meant that whatever happened to Castiel in the past involved alphas and omegas.

Dean could only imagine the worst.

His hold on Castiel tightened, becoming more protective. He needed to keep his omega - his? - safe. He needed to make sure that no one else could hurt him, use him, abuse him. He needed to be with him. Needed.

Dean hadn't noticed that Sam and Gabriel left. But he didn't care. The door was closed and Castiel was in his arms. He has never felt so relieved. It was odd, though. He knew so little about Castiel, yet here he was, the one that Castiel begged for. The one that Castiel got ill over. Dean, himself, wanted to cry.

"Please don't leave me." Castiel whimpered, dropping his against Dean's chest. Dean brought a hand up to caress the back of Castiel's head, holding him there. "I don't think I can handle it."

Dean pressed his lips against Castiel's hair. "I don't plan on it."

Sam and Gabriel were settled in the living room. The silence was deafening. Both of them were on edge, wondering how their brothers were coping with their reunion.

Gabriel ran his hand over his tired eyes. "Cas...he needs medical attention."

"Have you tried bringing him to the hospital?" Sam asked, hands clasped together.

"Tried everything. He wouldn't even move, kept asking for your brother. That's all he's ever requested." Gabriel heaved a long sigh.

"Yeah. Dean's been a fucking hardass." Sam provided, looking at the floor. "School threatened to kick him out if he didn't attend next week."  
  
Gabriel was exhausted. Stillness and peace settled among them.

"They're mates." Gabriel admitted, dropping his head into his hands. "I've done research. I've talked to people, told them about Castiel's symptoms."

Sam opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His eyes widened, and he swallowed.

"They're fucking mates, Sam!" Gabriel exasperated, throwing his hands up in the air. "After all these years of protection...it just feels like a waste."

"Well," Sam cleared his throat. "they found each other. I'd rather Dean be with someone he knows than a total stranger."

Gabriel's brows knitted together as he stared at Sam. "Dean...I don't know what to think of him."

"He's a good person, Gabe." Sam insisted.

Gabriel looked towards the hallway, where Castiel's room was located. He looked tired and worn out. Sam could only imagine what Gabriel had to go through, with what dealing with Castiel. At first glance, Castiel didn't even look like himself. It made Sam queasy, seeing how keeping two people away from each other could have such a negative effect on both of them.

"It's like I don't even know him anymore." Gabriel cried. "Protecting him used to be so easy. I could just take him away, tell him everything will be alright."

Sam nodded, his heart lurching towards Gabriel. Sam could see his efforts. He could see that Gabriel was only doing what he thought was right. Sam realized this is how Dean probably felt whenever he had to make decisions for Sam, or sometimes, for himself. This is what it must be like to see raw, unfiltered emotion. It was heartbreaking.

"Dean and I...we've lost a lot." Sam began to say, not knowing if it was an appropriate time to mention their past. "All our lives, we've been keeping to ourselves, you know. We've had a few friends here and there, like Jess and Tessa. Then we acquainted the rest of you, and everything seemed to change. Dean - he changed. He found meaning. He found a reason to go to school." Sam smiled. "He would always drag me to these ridiculous parties. He knows me, knows that I won't stop studying unless someone makes me. Dean's great, he really is. When he loves, he loves hard. And I think that's the hardest part about watching him meet new people."

"What do you mean?" Gabriel queried, cocking his head to one side.

Sam hesitated, trying to think of the right words to use. "He's always so cautious. He tries to be considerate of others, but I think it's hard for him. He limits himself. He doesn't let himself have what he wants or what he needs. Like these past few weeks..." Sam shook his head. "...he just wanted to see Cas. And I know he doesn't know that I can hear him at night, but I hear him cry and beat himself up because he thinks he did something wrong. He thinks he deserves this pain. I could smell it, I can practically feel it." Sam choked. "Gabe, he doesn't think he deserves anything."

Gabriel nodded, looking away. He bit down on his lower lip. "Cas tried to hurt himself."

"Oh my god." Sam breathed.

"He broke the fucking bathroom mirror. And-and I could _feel_  what he was feeling from a mile away. I ran into his bathroom and I forced him back into bed, threatened to bring him to the hospital. He kept crying, it was the only thing he ever did. Except he kept chanting Dean's name, like it was the only thing that could save him. Like, somehow, it could wake him up." Gabriel fought back tears.   
  
"When...?" Sam let the question linger.   
  
"Last night."   
  
"Jesus Christ." Sam cursed, running a hand through his hair. He paused. "So you called me this morning?"   
  
"I didn't know what else to do." Gabriel sighed, stressed.  
  
"Well, I'm glad you called." Sam said, half-smiling.   
  
"Yeah," Gabriel agreed. "me too."   
  
  
"Shh," Dean cooed, fingers threading through Castiel's hair. "it's okay."  
  
Both of them lay side by side on Castiel's bed, wrapped up in blankets. Castiel was pressed up against Dean's body, his head resting against Dean's chest. Castiel's hand was pressed up flat against Dean's abdomen. Touching him made the pain go away.   
  
Castiel's crying calmed until he was only hiccuping. The longing ache in both of their hearts have ceased in presence of each other. Saying that they missed each other was an understatement. They  _needed_ each other, like Earth needed the sun, like the rain needed the clouds - no, that didn't suffice. The way they needed each other compared to no similes nor metaphors. Realistically, it was inexplicable. Indescribable.   
  
It felt good to be together again. Still, Dean didn't know much about Castiel as he'd like to. It frustrated him, but he understood that everything took time. It was obvious now that Castiel did feel something for Dean, whether it be romantic or not. To Dean, their friendship was anything but platonic. He yearned for Castiel in ways that no man would for just a friend. In many ways, it surprised Dean. He accepted the moment a long time ago when he realized that he may not be a heterosexual, and he was okay with that. What he wasn't okay with was how corrupted his life had become. How his whole world shifted as soon as he first laid eyes upon Castiel. He wasn't okay with the fact that there was something that continuously bothered Castiel, causing both he and Dean additional stress.   
  
Dean felt selfish and inconvenient, sometimes. He felt selfish because he shouldn't be with Castiel right now. It was too risky for Castiel.  _And he doesn't even know why.  
  
_ He felt inconvenient because perhaps if Castiel had never met him, if Dean didn't walk into that stupid library, Castiel might be fine. He wouldn't be wasting away in his bed, crying out for man he barely even knew.   
  
Dean held Castiel until he fell asleep. Castiel's grip on Dean's shirt loosened and the whimpering stopped. All went quiet and calm.   
  
There was a light knocking on the door, gentle enough to be heard, but not hard enough to wake up Castiel. The door opened, and in came Gabriel, followed by Sam. Sam looked at ease, his eyes sauntering over from Dean to Castiel. Gabriel looked even more exhausted than he was before.   
  
"Can't believe you actually got him to sleep." Gabriel said, quietly walking into the bedroom.   
  
Dean couldn't keep his eyes off of Castiel. "Yeah, seems to be okay now." Dean brought the hand tangled in Castiel's hair to his stubbly, hallowed face, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb.   
  
"He hasn't slept in days. All he ever does is sob and embrace his pain." Gabriel explained, taking a seat in the corner of Castiel's room, next to the sliding door.   
  
"I know how he feels." Dean muttered.   
  
Sam and Gabriel shot each other a look. Dean felt the atmosphere in the room change.   
  
"You've had such an enormous impact on him." Gabriel informed, watching the rise and fall of Castiel's breathing under the blankets. "And I-I think it's only right that I tell you..."   
  
Dean studied Gabriel for a few moments, watching the other alpha uncomfortably shift in his spot. Dean glanced back at a sleeping Castiel, whom slept soundly.   
  
"We're mates, yeah?" Dean asked, not sounding the slightest bit fazed.   
  
Gabriel gaped at him. "You knew?"   
  
Of course he knew.   
  
Dean smiled thoughtfully. "I feel it."  
  
"Then you know what he is." Gabriel continued. Sam frowned, looking at Gabriel quizzically.   
  
Dean didn't answer. He held Castiel closed, so close that he could feel the omega's heartbeat against his own chest. Every negative thought in his mind vanquished, and the only thing that mattered was being there. Castiel whimpered in his sleep. Dean kissed Castiel's forehead.   
  
"And...and there is something else." Gabriel broke the silence. "Something that I think Castiel should tell you himself, when he's ready."   
  
"Why are you telling me this then?" Dean asked.   
  
"Because I need you to promise me - promise Castiel - that you're not going to abandon him." Gabriel strained, his tired eyes now mixed with concern and fear.   
  
"I don't think I can." Dean replied, suddenly curious. "We'd break."   
  
Gabriel smiled sadly, looking away. "I'll tell you one thing." Gabriel proclaimed.   
  
"What's that?" Sam queried, speaking for the first time since he sat down. Gabriel stared at Castiel's bookshelves, his mind momentarily wondering how he managed to accumulate so many books without Gabriel's knowledge.   
  
"We had to put him away for a while." Gabriel's voice broke. "We didn't believe him until..."   
  
"Until what?" Dean asked, hating the suspense.   
  
Gabriel shook his head, then stood up, his hands balling up in fists. "He might wake up." Gabriel ignored Dean's question. "I'm going to make something for all of us to eat. Seems like you both might be here for a while."   
  
Sam got up, too, following Gabriel's lead. He closed the door behind them, leaving Dean and Castiel alone in the bedroom. Subconsciously, Castiel shook his head.   
  
"No, don't." Castiel murmured quietly.   
  
Dean's frown deepened, his hand reflexively coming up to begin stroking through Castiel's hair again. "I wish I knew you." Dean whispered to his sleeping mate. "But I promise that I'll stay with you. I'm not gonna leave." Dean buried his face in Castiel's hair, protectively curling himself around him.   
  
 _It's okay_. Dean thought.  _I got you._

 


	7. Lucid Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty fluff, basically...sorta.

Castiel woke up. The spot next to him was cold, vacant. Dean wasn't there. Castiel looked around, his breathing starting to rapidly increase. His stomach ached, his eyes stung. Where did Dean go? Was he ever there or did he only dream about him? The knots in Castiel's stomach tightened, and his eyes dampened with tears. He began to shake, his lower lip pouting.   
  
"Dean?" Castiel called out, his voice sounding raw and abused. Castiel was greeted with silence. His room was dark, the curtains were closed, and he could barely see anything. It was as if he were floating through a void of nothingness, much like how he felt most of the time. Feeling overwhelmed, he started to cry. "Dean?"   
  
His bedroom door swung open, the lights turned on, and there Dean was, frantic as he instantaneously wrapped his arms around him. He showered Castiel's head, neck, and face with kisses. He, too, was worried. "Hey, hey, baby, you're okay. It's okay, I'm here. I didn't leave."   
  
Castiel's hand went up to grip Dean's t-shirt. "I thought I was dreaming." Castiel admitted, searching Dean's eyes. He raised a hand to touch Dean's cheek. Dean leaned in. "You're really here?"   
  
Dean nodded. "Yeah, I am. I just went to help Gabriel make some food. You hungry?"   
  
Castiel shook his head. He didn't reflect on the question, didn't think about anything else besides the fact that Dean was  _here_. Dean's brows curved upwards, concern plastered on his face. He sat down next to Castiel, eyes trained on Castiel's t-shirt and how it was two sizes too small. "Cas, baby, you gotta eat something."  
  
Castiel didn't say anything.   
  
"Do you want me to bring the food to you?" Dean asked, getting up. Castiel grabbed Dean's hand, intertwining their fingers. He looked up into Dean's eyes, begging, terrified that he'd disappear again if he let him out of his sight.   
  
"I want to come with you." Castiel's voice was wrecked.   
  
Dean didn't object as he helped Castiel to his feet. "Lean on me, okay?" Dean said, pressing a kiss to Castiel's forehead. "Let me help you."   
  
Castiel didn't protest.  
  
  
  
"This is the seventh time Jess has called me in two days." Sam remarked, looking down at his buzzing cell phone. Gabriel stared at him observantly from across the couch.  
  
"Aren't you gonna answer it?" Gabriel asked, eyes darting to the cell phone.   
  
Sam contemplated it. He talked to her yesterday. She had called four times after that and two times the next day. She was worried, Sam figured. She hadn't seen her best guy friends in a long time. Dean, Castiel, Gabriel, and Sam had kept everyone in the dark about the details of Dean and Castiel's relationship.   
  
"Nah." Sam said, letting the phone go to voice mail.   
  
"D'you know what she wants?" Gabriel questioned.   
  
Sam shook his head. "Not today. Yesterday she wanted to know if I was busy."  
  
Gabriel nodded, looking away. Sam stared at his cell phone, a small frown beginning to form on his face. "Should I hang out with her?" Sam proposed. "You know, to prove to her that we're fine?"   
  
Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly, biting the inside of his cheek. "It's up to you."   
  
"Seriously, Gabe, I don't know. No matter what I tell her, she insists on calling me every day." Sam muttered, running his hands over his face. "She's freaking out."   
  
Gabriel shrugged. "Maybe she just wants to see you."   
  
Gabriel tried his best not to sound envious. Sam sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Maybe."   
  
On cue, Sam's phone rang again. This time, he answered it. "Hello?"   
  
"Sam? Thank god." Jess sighed in relief.   
  
"Jess. What's up?" Sam answered.   
  
"Oh, uh, I was worried. Haven't seen you or Dean in a long time. Everything's okay with Cas and Dean?" Jess asked. Gabriel watched Sam.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, they're fine." Sam claimed, nodding though she couldn't see.    
  
"Good! That's good. So, I, um, kinda wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out sometime." There was a little pause. "I just haven't seen you in so long."   
  
Sam raised his eyebrows, surprised at her question. A small smile curved his lips, grateful that Jess was still worrying about them, hoping that everything was going well. Gabriel narrowed his eyes.   
  
"Sure." Sam finally responded.   
  
"Great!" Jess breathed, obviously nervous. "So I'll text you later, okay?" Jess said.   
  
"Yeah, okay." Sam agreed.   
  
"Awesome, talk to you later, Sam."   
  
"Bye."   
  
Sam hung up, laying his phone on the table. Gabriel shifted in his seat.   
  
"Was that Jess?" Gabriel inquired.   
  
"It was. She," Sam chortled. "she asked me out."   
  
Gabriel's expression fell. "Oh."   
  
"Yeah." Sam said, his eyes still focusing on his cell phone. The silence between them was awkward, nerve-wracking. To Gabriel, at least. Sam seemed concentrated.   
  
"And you said yes?" Gabriel asked.   
  
"Yeah." Sam confirmed, the small smile on his face broadening. Gabriel looked away, biting on his lower lip.   
  
Gabriel sat quietly, watching Sam attentively. They had spent quite a bit of time together, especially since both of their brothers spent most of their time together, too. They both grew fond of one another. Gabriel had become very protective over Sam.   
  
"You okay?" Sam queried, meeting Gabriel's stare.   
  
Gabriel blinked. "Yes, I'm fine."   
  
Sam stared at him doubtfully. "Are you sure? You're a little white."    
  
Gabriel looked away. "I'm great, Sam, really."   
  
Sam pursed his lips, observing Gabriel. His expression said otherwise. Sam looked back at his cell phone, scrutinizing it, querying Gabriel's sudden odd behaviour.   
  
"We should go visit Cas and your brother." Gabriel suggested suddenly, standing up.  
  
Sam snapped out of his thoughts. "Oh, sure, I guess." Sam stated, feeling the mood between them change. Gabriel looked over his shoulder as he reached for the car keys from the peg next to the front door.  
  
"I'll drive." 

 

It had been a month since they had become a couple.   
  
They hadn't seen their friends in nearly two months. Jess texted Sam a minimum of three times a day, wondering how they were all doing. Lisa attempted contacting Dean a few times as well. Kevin and Jo passed by Castiel and Gabriel's house, worried as hell. The university excused them from their any classes that they miss for the next couple of months, though if they fail a class, they were required to take it again before continuing with the rest of their education.   
  
So far, everything felt like it was on pause; they had time to be together.   
  
Dean and Castiel never went a moment apart. The idea terrified them so much that they practically lived together. Every second that they were apart, their bodies would ache for each other. It was hard, but neither of them cared. Castiel was never out of Dean's sight. Whenever someone got too close, he became extremely over protective. Dean was constantly showering Castiel with kisses, cuddles, compliments. Dean loved watching his omega blush, watching him squirm as he smiled, slightly embarrassed but flattered.   
  
Castiel still had a hard time sleeping at night, though. He would toss, turn, cry, or wail. Dean would always be there to comfort him however he can, but sometimes it wasn't enough. Sometimes Castiel woke up thinking he was somewhere that he was not. Occasionally he'll push Dean away, trembling because he doesn't know why Dean's there. But Dean makes it all okay. During times like that, it will take a while for Castiel to calm down, but eventually, he does.   
  
It still hurts Dean. It hurts knowing that he doesn't know the root of the problem, doesn't know how to get rid of the nightmares. All he can do is standby and wait for Castiel to wake up from another nightmare, sobbing. He never dared to ask what Castiel dreamed about. He couldn't and wouldn't do that to him.   
  
Tonight was no different.   
  
Castiel woke up sobbing in Dean's bed, his whole body feeling hot and uncomfortable. Dean had been awake for hours, watching his omega weep in his sleep, trying to protect him, comfort him, love him. He traced invisible patterns all over Castiel's body with his index finger. His finger was hovering over Castiel's heart when Castiel woke up.  
  
"Dean?" Castiel called out into the darkness, his hands trying to feel for Dean.  
  
"Shh, baby, I'm right here." Dean comforted, gripping Castiel's hand in reassurance. The omega was distraught.  
  
"I-I-" Castiel swallowed incoherently, trying to move closer to Dean. "I need-"  
  
"What do you need?" Dean asked calmly, reaching out with his free hand to touch Castiel's face.   
  
"You." Castiel's voice broke. "I need to feel you." The grip Dean had on his hand loosened as he brought his arm around Castiel. Dean closed the space between them, keeping Castiel close to his body. He could feel every tremor in the omega's body. The anxiety and panic was overpowering Castiel's natural scent, causing Dean to worry. Castiel inhaled a deep, shaky breath, taking in the scent of his alpha. It helped calm his nerves, helped in regain his composure.   
  
Castiel was gripping the hem of Dean's t-shirt, tugging at it as if Dean wasn't close enough. Dean buried his nose in Castiel's hair, his lips pressed firmly against Castiel's forehead. He closed his eyes, relieved when he sensed Castiel calm down. He inhaled, mildly intoxicating himself with Castiel's scent.   
  
"Thank you." Castiel murmured, tilting his head upwards. Dean looked down at him.   
  
"I'm always here for you." Dean half-smiled. Castiel smiled back, thoughtfully. "But, Cas," Dean hesitated, knowing he was about to walk on thin ice. "it's killing me to see you like this."   
  
Castiel looked away, a sudden tinge of guilt invading his mind.   
  
"It hurts me to see you wake up every night in tears. It hurts me even more that you can't go out and do normal things because you're scared. I want to help you, baby, believe me, I really do, but I can't do that unless you tell me what...what happened." Dean frowned. "I'm not gonna force you to tell me, okay? I'm just terrified that one day I might lose you."   
  
Castiel moved, pulling away from Dean. He rolled onto his side, his back face Dean. Dean's frown intensified. Castiel pulled the blankets over his shoulders, biting on his lips to stop the oncoming sobs. He was riddled with guilt, depression, and self-hate. Dean shouldn't have to deal with someone like him. Castiel couldn't stop his body from shaking as he desperately tried to fight back against his emotions.   
  
"Cas?" Dean queried, feeling his omega quiver under the covers. "Cas, c'mon, look at me."   
  
Castiel whimpered under his alpha's order, and he turned. Blue eyes full of tears once again. "I-I can't."   
  
Dean fought the urge to lean forward and kiss him. "Why?" Dean whispered, voice softer, less demanding.   
  
Castiel shook his head. The mood was heavy under the weight of all Castiel's stored emotions. "Dean, please."   
  
"You don't have to." Dean repeated, resting his hand on Castiel's hip.   
  
Castiel pressed his lips together, blinking away the tears. He hadn't talked about it for years. Gabriel agreed to stop bringing it up or asking questions a long time ago. Gabriel stopped forcing Castiel to see a therapist. He stopped forcing Castiel to take numerous prescription pills to help him sleep at night, help him deal with his anxiety and depression. Castiel wanted to be left alone. He wanted to deal with it as it comes. He wanted to stop being afraid. It was getting almost too try.   
  
Castiel had suppressed his emotions for years. He was careful, cautious, precise. All his decisions were based on how they'd turn out. Except when it came to Dean - that was his instinct, that was his heart. Gabriel warned him. Gabriel warned his little brother not to get too close to anyone ever again. Gabriel warned him to be careful, to stay away, and keep to himself. It worked...for a while.   
  
Dean was different. He was so different in so many ways. He knew how to calm Castiel down after a nightmare or a flashback. He knew what Castiel needed to hear when he couldn't get up in the morning. Dean understood what Castiel needed, he understood that Castiel was different. He came to terms that Castiel might not ever get better, and that's okay. Sometimes there are little battles in life that people have to deal with. Sometimes those little battles don't end until your existence does. But it's all okay. It's going to be okay. Dean made sure that Castiel knew that.   
  
Castiel took it upon himself. He could trust Dean. He could always trust Dean. "I-I'm just afraid you won't want me after." Saying those words pained him.   
  
Dean sat upright immediately, instantly pulling Castiel up to crush him in a hug, kissing his neck, praising him with as many kisses as Castiel would allow. "I'll  _always_ want you." Dean promised, his whole being urging him to prove that to Castiel.   
  
Castiel shook his head. "No." His voice was small. "No, you won't." 

  
  



	8. Heavy Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Attempted Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, & Verbal Abuse. Some angsty stuff happening here.

Castiel sat upright, turning on the lamp. He stayed inches away from Dean, unable to touch him. Dean kept frowning, as he, too, sat upright. His arms felt empty without Castiel near. He kept his gaze on his mate, trying not to feel worried.  
  
"Cas..." Dean began, slightly shaking his head.  
  
"Just let me." Castiel pleaded, brows knitting together. "It'll...it'll be much easier for me. For us. After, you can decide if you still want to be with me or not."  
  
Dean felt offended. "I _do_ want to be with you." He stressed.  
  
Castiel suppressed the whimper that would have otherwise escaped due to Dean's distress. He swallowed past the growing lump in his throat. It was almost too painful for him to even speak; throat dry, tightening, heart pounding, hands beginning to tremble. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch Dean because that always stopped his nervousness. This time, he held back. He glanced up at Dean, seeing the features of his face glow from the lamplight.  
  
But he looked away, again. He lowered his head, like he did the first time they met at the library. Dean's stare was mesmerizing. It was easy to lose yourself and forget what you were supposed to say. Castiel realized that the moment Dean had looked at him. He knew that if he wasn't careful, he might fall into the same trap he stupidly fell for years ago. He didn't want his pain to be a recurring cycle. It was hard rnough coping the first time.   
  
It was still hard.  
  
"When...when I was seventeen..." Castiel's voice was just barely a whisper. "I met this man. He was older than me. Twenty two, at the time. He was an alpha. Tall, big...dominating." Castiel shuddered. "He said I was perfect, made just for him. He said that he could love me, and-and I wanted to be loved, I wanted to stop feeling alone." Castiel emphasized, his mouth tightening in a frown. "We were together for a few months. I loved him. He gave me everything I wanted. I truly believed that he was my mate."  
  
Dean felt his heart squeeze. He didn't like where this was going.  
  
"Then one day, he told me to get off my suppressants, said he wanted me to stop avoiding the works of nature - I've been on them since I was thirteen - and because I loved him so much, I did." Castiel covered his face with his hands. Castiel started trembling. "When I went into my first heat in four years..." Castiel felt dirty. He kicked the blankets away, bringing his legs up to his chest. "...he was just _on_ me." Castiel squeezed his eyes, hoping that he wouldn't start crying.   
  
Disgust, self-hatred, and regret radiated off Castiel like a heater. Castiel was completely disgusted with himself. He felt tainted, used, ruined for the next unfortunate soul to love him. Dean was clenching his teeth, brows furrowed, fists balled up. His heart slammed against his rib cage violently as anger coursed through him.  
  
"Told...told me..." Castiel choked. "I needed to be bred." He spat hatefully. "I was his bitch. I loved him to the point where I let him use me." Castiel couldn't look up, his head feeling too heavy. All his hidden emotions were now out in the open, awaiting Dean's response. "Sometimes...sometimes he would share me." His trembling worsened. "I remember, I remember his friends..." Castiel drew in a deep breath, feeling as though someone was strangling him. "My parents...they didn't believe me...they sent me to a hospital. Told me to stop telling lies or they'll keep me there forever. He fooled my parents. And Gabe...Gabe, he-he was the only one to believe me because he didn't think there was a reason for me to lie. "  
  
"Stop." Dean demanded, eyes closed. He forced himself not to act on his internalized anger. Not in front of Castiel. "Stop, Cas."  
  
Castiel was crying silently, trying to make as little noise as possible. He knew Dean was angry. He could feel it. It made him all the more nervous. Dean didn't know what to say. S So without thinking - without _fucking_ thinking - he got up.  
  
"Dean?" Castiel looked up, on the brink of a panic attack.  
  
Dean was quiet as he left the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
Castiel didn't know what to do as he continued to lay in bed, crying his heart out. It was too painful. Dean walked out on him without even saying a word. Dean didn't so much as tell him that it was okay, or look at him. Telling Dean was a bad idea. He should have kept quiet, should have pretended everything was fine, that his nightmares were just that - nightmares.  
  
Unfortunately, he told Dean. Dean knew, and Dean left.  
  
Another round of sobs wracked through Castiel, this time the pain settled in his heart. He felt like throwing up. Everything felt wrong. He felt as though he just ruined the one good thing he had in his life. He should have just stayed quiet. He should have just let Dean comfort him, should have reassured him that everything was fine. He whined, feeling the weight of the whole world pinning him onto his bed.   
  
Dean doesn't want him.   
  
" _Shut up, Castiel. You don't want them to hear you._ " The voice of his abuser warned. " _Now, I will be back. I don't want to hear that you misbehaved._ "  
  
Castiel could hear his heart pounding in his ears. "Don't leave me here." Castiel whimpered, his voice breaking.  
  
"S _tay here, I promise I'll be back._ "  
  
"Don't leave me, please." Castiel begged, face soaked with tears. "I love you." He screamed into his pillow, the pain in his heart was overwhelming. It felt like someone took a knife and started carving into it, hallowing it out until there was nothing left. "I love you." This should be enough, Castiel should be reason enough not to leave. If he ever truly loved him, if he ever cared, he would stay.   
  
But they always leave.   
  
His mind was wandering. Lines from books appeared, tattered spines, dog-eared pages, and green. Green was the colour that stood out the most; trees, leaves, grass, eyes.  
  
" _Be. Quiet!_ _No one loves a whiny, needy little whore_."  
  
Castiel looked over at Dean's on suite bathroom. The bathroom mirror was intact. Perhaps with the soap holder, he could break it. It would break and glass would be everywhere. He could make this work. He could make this end. Make the continuous pain stop. It would be easier for him, for all of them. They wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. He wouldn't be a burden upon them.  
  
He wasn't fixable anyway. He was spoiled goods.  
  
"I deserve this, I deserve this." He chanted.   
  
" _Try it again, Castiel. Maybe this time you'll succeed._ "  
  
He pushed himself up, staring at the bathroom mirror. The bathroom was dark, and there was a door - he could lock himself in there. It would probably be quieter, too.  
  
The idea seemed all the more inviting.  
  
  
Dean needed space, needed fresh air to breathe into his lungs. It was hard on him, too. It was hard seeing the person that you cared about the most go through such hardship, watch them break down in front of you knowing that there is nothing you can do but stand by and watch it all happen. Dean didn't leave because he had heard too much, he left because it was all too much. He couldn't possibly imagine the emotional torture Castiel endured, and he definitely couldn't imagine how mentally and psychologically damaged he was.  
  
He opened the front door again, walking back into his house. As soon as he felt he was ready, he walked back into his bedroom.  
  
Castiel wasn't there.  
  
"Cas?" Dean called out, raising his voice.  
  
There was a shatter from the bathroom, as though someone dropped a glass. "Cas?" Dean queried, heading towards the bathroom door. He grasped the doorknob, realizing it was locked. "Cas, you in there?"  
  
No response.  
  
"Baby, please open up." He urged, knocking.  
  
Still, no response.  
  
"Cas, open up, please!" He said, leaning his forehead against the door. When everything sounded too quiet, Dean didn't waste a single second. He kicked down the door, breaking the lock in the process. Castiel stood in front of the broken mirror, his hand curved around a sharp piece of glass. He was holding onto it so tightly to the point where it cut through his skin, blood trickling down to his elbows. He was in tears. Just like the mirror, Dean's heart was in pieces.  
  
"No." Dean whispered, taking the glass from Castiel's hand and pulling him into the tightest hug he could manage without breaking him. "No." Dean's voice quivered, realizing that he almost lost him.  
  
"I'm sorry." Castiel murmured into Dean's chest, panting. Castiel looked up at Dean, lips parted as he looked for a sign. Dean shook his head, bringing his hand down to pull Castiel in at his waist. "I'm okay. I'm okay."   
  
"Don't you ever fucking leave me." Dean said, failing to hide his tears. And in a softer, much more pleading tone, he repeated, "Don't leave me."  
  
Castiel frowned, hearing his own words echoed right back to him through the mouth of someone he never wanted to hurt.  
  
Dean smashed their lips together. The kiss was everything they needed at that moment. Dean pulled at Castiel's hair, the other arm still wrapped around his waist. He picked Castiel up, Castiel wrapping his arms and legs around Dean. He was still underweight, a little bit bony, bit Dean knew it was a process. He didn't care. Dean carried him back onto his bed, gently laying him down. Their lips never lost touch, never stopped moving. Dean hovered above him, breaking contact with Castiel's lips to proceed kissing him along his jaw, down his neck, then to his collar bone. The scent of his mate was driving him insane.  
  
"Dean." Castiel gasped when Dean's hands caressed his sides, stopping at his hips long enough to squeeze them. Dean felt himself losing control. He reached up to kiss Castiel's lips one more time before climbing off him. He rolled onto the side, propping himself up on one elbow. His free arm came up to touch Castiel's face, soothing him.   
  
Dean glanced down at Castiel's bloody hand. The bleeding had stopped, the blood was dried out, and Dean could clearly see the long, thick cut. Castiel curled his hand up. "I thought you didn't want me." Castiel stated, his voice low.   
  
"Because I left?" Dean asked, frowning. Castiel didn't move. "I left 'cause I didn't want you to see me get angry."  
  
Castiel looked up at the ceiling. Dean was too good to be true. There was no way that people like him existed. People only get treated like this in fairy tales, or romance novels. People like Castiel don't deserve to be cared for like that. Omegas were only used to be bred, to populate the world. But with Dean, it wasn't like that. Their statuses didn't matter. Not once had he ever force Castiel to do something he didn't want to do, not once had he ever given Castiel an ultimatum, not once had Dean ever made Castiel feel anything less than what he praised him to be.   
  
For a moment, Castiel considered that maybe he was in a dream. Maybe he was abused so badly to the point of death - maybe this was the after life. But Castiel remembered that the pain was real. If this was the after life, he shouldn't have to feel pain anymore. Or maybe that's all the after life was - a life with pain, no different than it was before death.  
  
"You're safe with me, baby," Dean whispered, kissing Castiel's forehead. "I'll never leave you."   
  
  
Gabriel pulled up in front of Sam and Dean's house. He hadn't said anything the whole drive there, which Sam had noticed. The tension between the them was obvious, though Sam didn't fully understand why. Once Gabriel shut off the engine, Sam turned to him.   
  
"Are you okay?" He asked, concerned.   
  
Gabriel glanced at him. "Yeah, why?"   
  
"You haven't spoken a word since we left." Sam explained. "Did I do something wrong?"   
  
Gabriel's expression changed. He looked at Sam apologetically, shaking his head. "No," He sighed. "no, you didn't. I guess I'm just extremely worried about Cas. I used to be the one protecting him, being with him."   
  
Sam nodded, understanding. He also missed his brother. "I know what you mean."   
  
Gabriel looked down for a moment, pursing his lips. "We better get a move on."   
  
Both of them got out of the car, walking up to the front door. Sam unlocked it with his key, then walked inside. Gabriel closed the door behind them. The two alphas could smell the mixed scent of an alpha and omega coming from Dean's bedroom. Sam made his way to Dean's room, raising his fist to knock on the door. Gabriel stopped him, pushing Sam back carefully before he had the chance to knock.  
  
"I thought you didn't want me." Castiel's voice could be heard.   
  
"Shit." Gabriel cursed, grabbing Sam by the arm to tug him away.   
  
Sam looked bewildered. Gabriel opened the front door, quietly closing it behind them. He let go of Sam's arm, Sam looking confused as ever. "What's going on?"   
  
"We shouldn't interrupt them right now." Gabriel said, looking back at the house.   
  
"Why? What happened?" Sam furrowed his brows.   
  
"We just can't." Gabriel muttered with no further explanation. Sam didn't question it, only continued frowning when Gabriel told him that they better come back later.   
  
  
Dean had managed to get Castiel's mind off of things. He cleaned Castiel's wound, bandaged it, and cleaned up the broken glass. Even though Castiel smiled, it still didn't ease the mild aching in his heart, as if something bad will happen. Dean realized that Castiel was damaged deeper than he originally anticipated. He knew that promising that he'd never leave won't help Castiel heal, but at least it was a form of reassurance. And God knows that Castiel needed to be reassured.  
  
Castiel was sitting on Dean's bed, looking down at his hand. Dean couldn't help but stare, noticing how sad Castiel looks when he thinks no one is watching. Dean's touches were only temporary bandages, and sooner or later, Castiel will need professional help. And it killed Dean knowing that there was nothing else that he could do to help his mate.   
  
Dean placed the broom and dustpan back in the storage room before coming back to join Castiel on the bed. "You doing okay?"   
  
Castiel nodded. "Can I call Gabe?" Castiel asked, in his very irresistible pleading tone.   
  
"Yeah, here." Dean replied, handing Castiel his cell phone.   
  
Castiel took the it, punching in the appropriate numbers before placing the cell phone against his ear.   
  
"Hello?" Gabriel answered, monotonously.   
  
"Gabe?" Castiel queried.   
  
"Cas! Hey, little brother, how are you doing?" Gabriel's tone shifted, sounding more uplifting.   
  
"I'm fine." Castiel said. "And you?"   
  
"Good! I'm good."   
  
Dean watched Castiel intently. Castiel was silent for a long time, humming in approval, for the most part. Dean liked watching Castiel talked, liked the way his lips curved around words - loved it when Castiel's lips curved around his, too - loved the way Castiel's eyes wandered around the room, looking for something interesting to stare at. Often, he'd dart his eyes to Dean.  
  
"Oh, okay. I'll go get them." Castiel said, then three seconds later, "Bye."   
  
Castiel hung up and handed the phone back to Dean. "I have some important school paperwork to pick up."   
  
"Do you want me to come with you?" Dean asked, cocking his head to the side.   
  
Castiel smiled a small smile. "Will you?"   
  
"Of course."   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who comment/give Kudos, etc! It really uplifts my spirit :)


	9. Hide And Seek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Self-harm & negative thoughts. Shit's about to go down. This chapter's unusually longer than the others, for some reason.

Within only a couple of months, a handful of things managed to take a turn for the worst.   
  
As Dean drove back to their university, Castiel was fidgeted in the passenger seat. Castiel stared at the window blankly, not really looking at anything. His blue eyes focused on one spot, never moving, never blinking. It was as though his mind had shut off, like he was in a world of his own.  
  
Dean felt overwhelmed, to say the least. He knew one day he would start a serious relationship with someone, but he never thought it would be so soon. Or that it would come with multiple complications. But Dean knew that Castiel was worth it all. Castiel was worth every trouble, problem, argument, fight. Castiel was his everything, now, and Dean was going to protect him at all costs.   
  
He loved him.   
  
But he wasn't going to tell him that. Not yet.   
  
 _Don't want him to feel trapped._ Dean thought.   
  
Beneath all the terror, Castiel was beautiful. He had the kindest soul. He was innocent, thoughtful, caring, but very vulnerable. Castiel tried not to be, Dean could see that, but that failed him. He was too considerate, always saw things through others' perspective. Perhaps that's why he blamed himself for everything; he found a reason for them to do it.   
  
Dean thought of himself as lucky. Mate or not, Castiel was still fucking amazing in Dean's eyes.  
  
Dean parked in the school's lot. Both he and Castiel got out. Dean went around the car to meet Castiel, reaching for his hand. They're fingers interlocked. Dean squeezed. They walked in silence to the office building. As promised, Castiel's paperwork was there. He collected it, thanked the secretary, then left and into the yard where Dean used to wait for Sam to get out of class.   
  
Students were scattered everywhere, going to their next class. A lot of them eyed Dean, then inquisitively glanced at Castiel. A few girls waved in Dean's direction, and a couple of their expression's fell when they realized who Castiel was to Dean. They frowned, whispering to each other as they walked by. A few more students darted their eyes in their direction, eyeing them curiously. Castiel began to feel nervous. Dean noticed.   
  
"Hey, hey," Dean cooed, turning to Castiel. He brought his free hand up to cup Castiel's cheek. "it's okay. You're okay."   
  
"A lot of people." Castiel was having a hard time trying not to read too much into it.  
  
Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's forehead, staring over his head. It was then when he noticed a man staring at them from the darker parts of the school. He stood beneath a large tree, which grew next to the library. He had his arms crossed, legs square, brows furrowed. He was scrutinizing them. His whole demeanor screamed 'Alpha'. Dean frowned, then pulled away from Castiel.   
  
"Dean?" Castiel said. "What are you staring at?" Castiel looked behind him, then froze.   
  
The man that stood under the tree smiled. As the students slowly disappeared from the yard, the man began walking towards them. Dean was curious. Castiel reeked of fear.   
  
"You know him?" Dean asked, but Castiel didn't respond. The grip he had on Dean's hand tightened.   
  
"Cassie," The man was grinning. "they let you out! And guess what? They let me out, too."   
  
Dean narrowed his eyes. "And who are you?" Dean questioned, stepping in front of Castiel defensively.   
  
"Dean." Castiel urged, tone pleading.  
  
"I'm Alastair." He kept on grinning, eyes never looking away. "An old, old friend of Castiel, here."   
  
Dean frowned. "Doesn't seem like it."   
  
Alastair shrugged. "We've had our differences. I'm trying to look past them."   
  
"Well, no offense, buddy, but back off." Dean sneered, apathetically.   
  
Alastair smirked, glancing at Castiel. "Still don't have a voice of your own, my dear?" His eyes darted towards Castiel's bandaged hand. "You're injured." He stated.   
  
Castiel still didn't respond.   
  
Alastair sighed, shaking his head. "Alright, then. It was nice seeing you, Castiel."   
  
Dean turned pushing Castiel to move. Castiel looked over his shoulder as they walked away. Alastair stood rigidly, then winked. Castiel automatically felt sick.   
  
No matter how hard you try, the amount of help you get, your past will always catch up with you.   
  
It was one of Castiel's biggest fears.   
  
  
"Who was he, Cas?" Dean asked once they were in the safety of his car. Castiel looked straight out the window, lips glued together. Dean watched his mate as he bowed his head, looking down at his lap. "Cas?"   
  
"An-an old friend." Castiel stammered.   
  
Dean reached out to stroke Castiel's thigh. "Well, he seemed fucking sketchy." Dean uttered, leaning over to press a soft kiss to Castiel's cheek. "Are you okay?"   
  
Castiel nodded.   
  
"Good." Dean breathed. "Good."   
  
For the remainder of the drive home, Castiel stayed quiet. Not once did he looked anywhere besides down at his hands or his lap. Something in his heart told him not to look up at Dean's face because he knows that he would accidentally blurt out the truth. He doesn't understand why he keeps on keeping secrets. Dean's his mate, his protector, his everything...why was he so afraid to tell him? Would it be because of how Dean would treat him if he found out? Would Dean be upset when he realizes that Castiel was keeping more secrets?  
  
No. No, that's not it.   
  
Death. Castiel was afraid of death. Not his own, but Alastair's, and everyone else he associated with long ago. He didn't want to be the cause of their death. He didn't want even more people after him, because only Lord knows who Alastair really is.   
  
 _How did he find me?_ Castiel asked himself.   
  
Gabriel had promised that they would never be found. They changed identities, changed their names, changed every aspect of their lives. They moved across the country, moved to dozens of states. And no matter where they went, he'd be there.   
  
Alastair was always watching.   
  
Dean sensed Castiel's obvious frustration, because he brought his hand up to the nape of Castiel's neck and started stroking. Castiel closed his eyes, allowed himself to get lost in the sensation. Dean stroked his neck, lightly grazed his fingers through his hair, then going back to give his neck a light squeeze.   
  
Castiel hadn't noticed that they were already parked in front of Dean's house until Dean stopped touching him. Castiel groaned. "Dean."   
  
"You like that?" Dean asked, a hint of amusement in his voice. Dean brought his hand back up to Castiel's neck, teasing him but delicately tracing his fingers over the surface of his skin, barely creating friction. Castiel whined. "Aww, is my baby getting irritated?" Dean teased.   
  
"Can we go inside?" Castiel inquired, still not looking at Dean.   
  
Dean chuckled, unlocking the car doors. As soon as they were inside and in Dean's bedroom, Castiel crawled into Dean's bed, shivering as he got under the blankets. The comforting scent that was his alpha perfumed the sheets, relieving Castiel, as though an invisible barrier was around him. Dean joined him seconds later, snuggling up to him.   
  
"Mine." Dean murmured to himself, watching Castiel close his eyes, curling up into Dean's embrace. Dean nuzzled his nose in Castiel's hair, breathing in his omega's scent.   
  
It was a challenge for Dean not to get excited in Castiel's presence, especially when he was in close proximity. At the beginning of their relationship, Gabriel made it clear that he was not to touch Castiel inappropriately without consent first. Dean would have never done so anyway, though he still agreed and didn't ask any further questions. Knowing what he knows now about Castiel's past, he made it a priority that Castiel felt safe around him. Dean didn't care that they weren't intimate, didn't care that Castiel had a problem with expressing his feelings.   
  
Dean did care a bit about marking. He wanted the whole world to know that Castiel was his, that they were mates, that only he could have him. He wanted to shove that fact down Alastair's arrogant throat, wanted to proclaim the fact that no one can mess with Castiel without going through him first.   
  
Castiel's whole body shuddered, then suddenly smelled of fear for the second time that day. Dean closed all gaps between them, his body pressed up against Castiel's.   
  
"What's wrong?" Dean asked.   
  
"Nothing is wrong." Castiel answered, though his tone said otherwise.   
  
Dean pulled back, just enough so that he could see Castiel's face. His eyes were still closed. "Are you sure?"   
  
Castiel opened his eyes, not meeting Dean's gaze. He stared at one of the buttons on Dean's shirt, tightening his lips. There were a few seconds before Castiel shook his head, face crumpling as he sucked in a deep, shaky breath. "No."   
  
Dean rubbed Castiel's back, comforting him the best he could. "Do you wanna tell me about it?"   
  
Castiel shook his head. "No."   
  
Dean didn't say anything, only pulled Castiel back to him, continuing to soothe.  
  
"Okay."   
  
  
Later that evening, Sam and Gabriel came back to the house. Neither of them bothered to mention what they heard, or that they were even there. Gabriel stayed over for dinner, observing his little brother intently. He noted a few differences about him over the past couple of months. For one, Castiel seemed much healthier. The hallows of his cheeks weren't as prominent, neither were his cheekbones. He didn't look as tired - the bags under his eyes were almost completely gone. He seemed much more energetic in Dean's presence, always glancing in Dean's direction, always touching him, even if it was a light brush on the shoulder with his fingertips.   
  
Gabriel wondered what it felt like to have a mate, to have someone you were destined to be with. Although he was happy for his brother, he often worried about him. Was this just another huge mistake? What has Castiel told him already? He couldn't stand to see his baby brother heartbroken all over again. He knew that if Castiel was ever hurt like that again, he wouldn't be able to live. When Castiel loves someone, it's eternal, unconditional.   
  
And he looked at Dean like he was his world. 

Once the dinner was over, they all sat on the couch and watched a movie. Gabriel got up to use the washroom. No more than a few seconds later, Castiel got up, too. Dean didn't question it.   
  
Not until he heard arguing.   
  
" _No!_ " Castiel raised his voice. Dean got up, immediately concerned.   
  
He stopped in the hallway, where Gabriel was gripping Castiel's wrist.   
  
"We gotta go." Gabriel said blatantly, yanking Castiel.   
  
"No!" Castiel protested. "Gabe, stop!"   
  
"What the hell's going on?" Sam asked, joining them.   
  
"Make him let go of me!" Castiel wailed, panicked.   
  
Dean's nostrils flared. "Gabriel." There was an edge to Dean's voice. If any of them knew anything, it was to never fuck with an alpha's mate. The grip he had on his brother's hand loosened enough for Castiel to break free of his hold and rush to Dean's side. Dean rested his hand on the small of Castiel's back.   
  
"I don't want to leave." Castiel said, earnestly.   
  
Gabriel sighed loudly. "We  _can't_ stay here." 

"But I don't want to leave!" Castiel repeated, anguished.   
  
"Why can't you stay here?" Dean looked at Castiel for answers, only to receive an apologetic look.   
  
"It isn't safe anymore." Gabriel stated, looking at Dean doubtfully. "You should know this."   
  
Dean shook his head, slowly, reflecting. "I don't understand."   
  
"Honestly, what's going on?" Sam interrogated, folding his arms over his chest.   
  
"You didn't tell him?" Gabriel questioned, incredulously. Castiel's expression fell into that of guilt. Dean frowned.  
  
"He would have killed him on the spot!" Castiel stressed, running his hand through his hair, tugging at it.   
  
"There. That's your problem right there, Cas!" Gabriel exclaimed, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "You cannot sympathize a man like that!"   
  
"But he doesn't deserve to die!" Castiel reasoned, his voice breaking.   
  
Gabriel was completely blown away. His eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted, and his incredulous expression didn't go away. Sam and Dean were left confused, questioning what was happening.   
  
"You still love him." Gabriel divulged.   
  
Castiel shook his head, feeling the panic in his body strengthened. "No."   
  
"After everything he's done to you?" Gabriel continued, looking hopeless.   
  
Dean pulled away from Castiel, distancing himself. "Who? Who are we talking about?"   
  
Castiel shook his head, tears forming on the brim of his eyes. "Dean."   
  
"I want to understand." Dean pressed, hurting. "I don't even know how to protect you."   
  
"Please." Castiel begged, continuing to shake his head. "Don't make me."   
  
"Alastair." Gabriel spat. "His name's Alastair."   
  
For Dean, everything slowed. He watched Castiel sullenly, studied him as Castiel's eyes widened, looking betrayed and alone. The tears in his eyes leaked over, rolling down his cheeks as he watched Dean stand still, emotionless.   
  
"He wasn't really an old friend, was he?" Dean was getting angrier by the second. "He was right there. I asked you if something was wrong, and you said nothing." Dean's voice was just above a whisper. "He was right there, and you didn't  _say_ anything!"   
  
"Dean," Castiel was shaking. "please."   
  
"How was I supposed to know?" Dean clenched his teeth, glowering. "Why did you feel the need to lie to me?" After a few moments of tension, Dean added, "I gotta go."   
  
Everyone in the room visibly saw Castiel panic. The room smelled of anxiety and terror. Castiel took a step forward to Dean, but Dean stepped away.   
  
"Can you both take care of him for me?" Dean asked both Sam and Gabriel, voice low. They nodded simultaneously.   
  
"Don't." Castiel didn't know what else to do. "Please."   
  
Dean winced, facing away from Castiel. "I won't be long."   
  
  
Dean had been gone for hours. Not once did he text or call any of them. Dean had driven back to the university, in hopes of running into Alastair again. He sat in the yard, like he always did, sitting on the oddly designed bench. He kept staring at the library, waiting. He envisioned his encounter with Alastair many times, going through countless possibilities of how their next meeting would play out. Each one of them ended with Alastair dead on the ground in a puddle of his own blood.   
  
Castiel was confused. It was as though he didn't know what he wanted. Gabriel mentioned him still loving the bastard. And if that was true, Dean didn't know what he'd do. Dean knew that Castiel was still psychologically damaged, that Castiel was probably suffering from some form of Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe Alastair played some mind tricks on him, resulting in Castiel thinking that he didn't deserve anything but the worst. Whatever was happening, it was also hurting Dean.   
  
The one thing Dean truly believed in was how much he loved Castiel. That was no mistake, and he'd never regret it.   
  
"Looking for me?" A gravelly voice sneered from behind. Dean looked his shoulder, staring up at the man known as Alastair.   
  
"Don't flatter yourself." Dean muttered, standing up.    
  
Alastair had an ominous smile on his face. "Then what are you here for late at this time of night, Dean Winchester?"   
  
"I need you to stay away from him." Dean began. "I don't want you anywhere near him."   
  
Alastair laughed. "Oh, Dean," He shook his head, too amused. "That's going to be hard. I go to school here, now. Plus, Castiel needs me. And I want him back."   
  
"No." Dean growled. "I won't allow it."   
  
Alastair shrugged, his smile turning into a cocky smirk. "That's just too bad."   
  
"He's  _my_ mate. He needs  _me_." Anger rolled through his system like waves crashing on a shore.   
  
Alastair cocked his head to the side, something peeking his interest. "Really? Then why are you here, away from him?" He challenged. "Let me ask you this: does it hurt when you're not near him? Right now, for example, is it hurting you to be so far away from him?"   
  
Dean didn't feel the need to answer. Alastair knew anyway.   
  
Alastair's smile returned. "That pain - I feel it, too, but it's much stronger as I haven't been in contact with him in so long. I know Castiel feels it all the time. Is he hurting all the time, Dean?" Alastair scrutinized him. "No matter what you do or how hard you try to make him forget, he spaces out? Does he become distant? Does he keep _things_ from you?"   
  
Dean's lip curled.  
  
"You see," Alastair chuckled. "he still loves me, even though he left me. I've been following him for years. State to state, city to city. I've been trying to keep close enough to keep our biological urges at bay. When I saw him, I knew that he needed me now more than ever." 

  
"I'm trying really hard not to kill you." Dean said through clenched teeth. 

"Then don't." Alastair advised. "Spend your time wisely with him. You won't have him forever."   
  
Alastair turned and walked away.   
  
Dean stood there, speechless, watching as the silhouette of the man faded away.   
  
   
Castiel had found his way back to Dean's bed. He rolled himself up in the blankets and buried his face in the pillows. He breathed in Dean's scent from the fabric, but it wasn't the same. He needed to feel Dean, feel his warmth, his skin. He needed to feel Dean's arms wrapped around him, pulling him close, telling him that he's there and that he's never going to leave him.   
  
Except he's not. He's not and he won't.   
  
This time, Castiel knew he fucked up. He should have said something, anything.   
  
Castiel wept, his whole body hurting. He stayed quiet, tried to hold back his tears, forced himself to face his emotions and stop hiding from them. He knew he cried too much, self-pitied more often than he should, and stayed silent too often. But he couldn't change that.  
  
Gabriel wanted them to leave. He knew it was the best thing to do. Yet, he can't go through with it.   
  
" _I told you._ "   
  
Castiel whined.   
  
" _No one loves a whiny, needy little whore._ "   
  
"B-bad Cas." Castiel frowned. "Bad. Cas."   
  
He kept losing everything. He felt like a mistake.   
  
"Bad Cas." He whispered to himself, pressing down on his bandaged hand, igniting the pain. Blood began spotting the bandage, and the tears in Castiel's eyes began to sting. "Slut." Castiel choked. "Ugly. Stupid. Useless. Worthless." Castiel bit his lip as he continued to hurt himself. "Unloved."   
  
" _Try it again, Castiel._ "   
  
"I deserve this." Castiel slurred, his vision getting spotty. Within a few seconds, he passed out, his bandage soaked with blood.   
  
  
Dean arrived back at the house just before midnight. The talk he had with Alastair raised a few concerning questions; after everything Castiel said, why was he still so worried about what happened to him? Does he still love him? Are Dean and him even mates? How come Alastair was claiming to feel the same pain Dean felt? How did he know about that? And lastly, when will Alastair realize that Castiel was running away from him for a reason?   
  
 _It's like hide and seek._ Dean thought.  _Someone's counting down, waiting to find you._  
  
This was a matter that Dean wasn't going to let slip through his fingers.  
  
Questions kept whirling in his mind. He entered the living, where Sam and Gabriel were still awake, sitting on the couch together.   
  
"Where'd you go?" Sam queried, looking over at Dean, who shrugged off his jacket.   
  
"Out." Dean uttered.   
  
That was Sam's cue to stop the inquisition.   
  
"Where's Cas?" Dean asked, throwing the car keys into a bowl.   
  
"Your room." Gabriel informed him. "He hasn't come outta there since you left."   
  
"You really shouldn't have left." Sam interjected.   
  
Dean didn't reply to him as he walked to his bedroom. He opened his door, seeing Castiel curled up in his bed, under the blankets. Sighing, he took off his shirt and changed into sweatpants. He crawled into bed with his mate, until he felt something sticky and wet. He lifted up the blanket, and with the dim light of the moon, he saw Castiel's bandage damp with his own blood. Dean felt a pang of guilt nestle deep in his heart.  
  
Without hesitation, he threw the blankets away from him, attempting to get out of bed.   
  
"Dean?" A small, child-like voice called out.   
  
"Hey, Cas." Dean whispered, crawling back to his spot.   
  
"Hi." He murmured, half-asleep. "I missed you."  
  
"I missed you, too, sweetheart." Dean cooed, pressing a light kiss to his forehead. "You're tired. Go to sleep now, okay?"  
  
Castiel, almost asleep, hummed. Dean went to the bathroom cabinet, retrieving the medical kit he had stowed away. He sat on the bed and took care of Castiel's wound as gently as possible. All the while wondering how they were going to resolve their current situation. 


	10. Bite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: A bit of negativity, nothing too bad. Also, a shit ton of stuff happens. Smut, included. This ain't rushed, by the way. If it feels like it, then slow your reading, haha.

When Castiel woke up, he was stunned. Dean was back, in his bed, laying next to him with an arm draped over his body. Dean's nose was touching his neck, inhaling his mate's scent consistently.   
  
Castiel vaguely remembered what happened last night. He recalled himself crying in Dean's bed, wrapped up in blankets, indulging in the lingering scent of his alpha. He remembered staring at his injured hand for a long time, then using his thumb to press down on it, making himself feel pain. He thought back on how much pain he was in. It was surreal, so painful that it felt like it never even happened; like he imagined it. But in the presence of his alpha, none of that pain returned.   
  
He looked down at his bandaged hand, noticing right away that there was no evidence that he ever hurt himself. He glanced at Dean's shirtless figure, knowing well that it must have been Dean who took care of it. His felt his heart swell.   
  
Castiel acknowledged the fact that he was fucked up. He was self-destructive, a danger. He hated himself for betraying Dean's trust, for lying to him, hurting him. He never wanted to hurt him, not ever. He was trying to protect him, give him the least amount of stress as possible because he knew that Dean sometimes felt overwhelmed with simply Castiel's anxiousness.   
  
Castiel was also upset. He was upset with the fact that Gabriel decided questioned him in front of both Sam and Dean. Watching the expression on Dean's face change, feeling him physically pull away...it scared him. If that's all it took for Dean to walk out, Castiel was terrified of telling him the rest of the story. He was caught between letting him know the truth and risking their relationship, or continuing to keep secrets from him.   
  
"Calm down, Cas." Dean murmured against his neck, startling him.   
  
Castiel breathed out, trying to loosen up his nerves. Dean tightened his hold, pulling himself closer.   
  
"Is everything okay?" Dean queried, voice still lazy from sleep.   
  
Castiel debated on giving him an honest answer. He was so tired of pretending. He knew he could trust Dean, he's the only one who ever bothered to listen and care at the same time, and Dean was patient. He was always waiting, understanding. But he left during a time of weakness, and Castiel didn't know whether he'd be able to recover from that.  
  
"No." Castiel answered, closing his eyes.   
  
"We'll figure this out." Dean promised, lifting his head up to look at Castiel's face.   
  
Castiel can't get his hopes up. Castiel was used to empty promises.   
  
"I appreciate that." Castiel replied, gratefully.   
  
Dean stared at him, quizzically. "What?"   
  
"You, of course." Castiel explained, matter-of-fact.   
  
Dean frowned, scenting Castiel's nervousness. "I'm not going anywhere. I-I came back."   
  
Castiel half-smiled, bringing an arm up to rest on top of Dean's. He didn't say anything, didn't want to jinx it. He let himself enjoy that moment, where all seemed well, and not the least bit broken.   
  
  
Gabriel woke up first, still laying on the couch, head resting on the arm rest. The television was still on, the screen now black. Something heavy was on him, pressing him down on the couch. He blinked a few times, realizing what it was.   
  
Sam.   
  
Sam barely fit on the couch, his legs curled up, head resting on Gabriel. Gabriel didn't remember falling asleep, didn't remember Sam falling asleep. He assumed he lost consciousness first, followed by Sam. Gabriel didn't bother to move, didn't want to wake up the oversize puppy laying on him. Instead, he stayed as still as he could, looking up at the ceiling, letting his mind roam without limits.  
  
After a few minutes, when the sun decided to peer through the curtains and shining brightly against Sam's face, Sam woke up. He was dazed, cringing as he tried to move away from the sunlight.  
  
"Shit." Sam gasped, pushing himself up, realizing where he was. "Sorry."  
  
"It's fine." Gabriel said, positioning himself. Sam felt his heart pound in his ears as he flushed.   
  
It was then when Dean came out of the bedroom, an arm wrapped around Castiel's waist. Castiel wore one of Dean's t-shirts; all of his were dirty and used.   
  
"What have you two been up to?" Gabriel teased, making his little brother blush.   
  
"I could ask you guys the same things." Dean smirked, Sam shooting him a death glare in return. Dean guided Castiel to the kitchen, taking out some eggs, milk, and pancake mix. "So, you guys couldn't, like, get to the bedroom on time or something?" Dean continued to joke.   
  
"No, Dean, it wasn't like that." Sam nearly stuttered.   
  
"Sure." Dean rolled his eyes, turning around to kiss Castiel's cheek.   
  
"Aw, Sam, no need to feel embarrassed." Gabriel teased, making it worse. He got up, joining the other two in the kitchen, leaving Sam embarrassed, and a little bit confused.   
  
  
It was a lazy day; none of them left the house for anything. The sunny morning soon turned into a stormy, rainy afternoon, no doubt turning into a thunderstorm later on. Dean and Castiel were laying on the couch, Castiel sleeping on Dean. Dean had on a horror movie, though it was a little duller than it was made out to be. Not long after, Gabriel sauntered into the room, taking a seat on the single couch adjacent to Dean.   
  
"Is he sleeping?" Gabriel asked, quietly.   
  
Dean nodded, pulling the blanket further up to wrap around Castiel's shoulders.   
  
"Good. I need to talk to you. Since there's absolutely no way that I'll ever be able to talk to you alone, I figured I better to this now, while he's sleeping." Gabriel started, clasping his hands together.   
  
Dean already knew what he was going to talk about. "We're not leaving."   
  
"I see that. He thinks I want to take him away and go into hiding again." Gabriel explained, eyes darting to his little brother. "I don't want that, but I do want him to be safe. I don't want to feel like the bad guy every time I tell him we have to move away and start over." Dean protectively caressed the back of Castiel's neck, making Castiel hum subconsciously. Gabriel added, "He's shattered, nearly irreparable. And I've done the best I can, could only do so much when the fucker has connections everywhere he goes."   
  
"He wants him back." Dean informed. "He's not getting him."  
  
"Even if he does, Castiel could get sick." Gabriel swallowed. "I read that if you're separated from your mate for a certain amount of time, it will start to take its toll on either party. I don't want him to be away from you."  
  
Dean's body wanted to take Castiel, hold him forever, never let anyone else near him. No one was allowed to touch him, breathe his scent. He felt possessive over him, wanted to protect him from everything.  
  
"But we have to figure out what we're going to do. Alastair knows he's here, knows what school he goes to. It won't be long before he figures out where he's staying...if he doesn't know already." Gabriel's golden eyes never looked away from his brother.   
  
Castiel whimpered, Dean was quick to soothe.   
  
"I'm guessing going to the authorities is out of the question." Dean sighed.  
  
"They do jack squat." Gabriel sneered, then he paused. "I just don't know what to do."   
  
Dean frowned for a moment, something Gabriel said standing out. "You said he had 'connections'?" He queried, narrowing his eyes.   
  
Gabriel nodded. "There's more to this story. So much more. But I'm afraid I'll have to save it for later."   
  
Castiel shifted, audibly whining when Dean stopped rubbing his neck. He opened his eyes, slowly, allowing himself to adjust. He blinked once, hard. "Dean?"   
  
"I'm here." Dean murmured. Gabriel stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets.   
  
"Any idea where Sam went?" Gabriel questioned. "He sorta just left without saying anything."   
  
"Oh, uh, yeah. He went to hang out with Jess, I think. Said something about that a couple of days ago." Dean muttered, turning his attention back to his distraught mate, who clung to him.   
  
Gabriel looked at the ground. "Right. I'll get outta your hair. Got some things to do."   
  
Dean's attention didn't leave Castiel. Castiel was squirming, didn't stop grabbing handfuls of Dean's shirt only to let them go, weeping into Dean's chest.   
  
"Whoa, whoa, hey, Cas, hey," Dean worried, alpha instincts taking over. He sat upright, forcing Castiel to do the same. Castiel stared at his neck, lips parted, breathing unevenly. The first thing Dean noticed, besides Castiel's change in scent, was his dilated pupils. The blue in his eyes were almost gone, leaving only a small ring of that oceanic blue at the edges. Dean felt a small tug in his lower abdominal area, pulling towards Castiel.   
  
"Dean, I-I think, I'm-I'm-"   
  
"Shh, it's okay." Dean comforted, both hands coming up to hold either side of Castiel's face. Castiel's aroused scent made Dean's throat dry and unspeakable images playing in his mind. He fought through that, put Castiel's needs first. "Stay in my room." Dean saw Castiel's hesitation. "I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't wanna, Cas. I just feel like you need a more comfortable setting, okay?"   
  
Castiel nodded, taking Dean's hand. Dean led him to his bedroom. Castiel went into the bed, curling up in a ball. He held himself, shuddered as he felt little amounts of slick soak through his boxers.   
  
"I'll be in the living room if you need me." Dean said, closing the door behind him. With a hand still on the doorknob, he turned around, rested his back against the door, breathing out loudly.   
  
Dean sat uncomfortably on the couch. No matter the volume of the television, he could still hear Castiel groan, moan, breathe heavily in his room. Dean bit his lower lip, suppressing his urges. It was next to impossible; Castiel's scent was strong, potent. It was toxic to Dean in the most delicious way, almost like a drug. _What a beautiful drug to be addicted to._ Dean thought to himself.   
  
Dean licked his lips. He was hard, and desperately trying to resist the urge to touch himself. No, he had to be ready in case something happened to Castiel. He couldn't think of himself, wouldn't allow himself to be selfish just this once.   
  
And he was right, two minutes later, Castiel was calling for Dean. Dean raced to his bedroom, opened the door to see a fully naked Castiel, eyes closed, biting on his lower lip profusely as he had fingered himself.   
  
"Fuck." Dean muttered under his breath.   
  
"Please help me." Castiel pleaded, opening his eyes slightly to look over at a conflicted Dean.   
  
Dean watched as Castiel continued to fuck himself with slick coated fingers, whining when he realized his fingers weren't long enough to fully please him. His cock was hard, laying against his stomach. Castiel's free hand had a fistful of bed sheets, tugging at it, pulling it off.   
  
Dean hadn't realized he moved until he was right in front of his mate, brows furrowed. "Are you sure you want this?" He asked, though his mind was clouded with love and lust, morality was still present.   
  
"Y-yes. I trust you." Castiel reached up, pulling Dean down by the collar of his shirt. He kissed him, lips demanding. He pulled away for a moment. "I trust you."   
  
Dean stared at him for a long time, heart beating harder than ever. "Okay." He said before crushing their lips together, both equally enthusiastic. Dean managed to work off his jeans and boxers, kicking them to floor. He climbed onto the bed, hovering over Castiel. For a short moment, Dean pulled away to take his shirt off.   
  
Castiel breathed out a shaky breath, taking his fingers out of his over-lubricated hole.   
  
"Cas..." Dean looked into his eyes, earnestly.   
  
"I trust you." He repeated, and it was enough for Dean to continue.   
  
Castiel held Dean tightly, eyes closed. Dean positioned himself, then entered slowly, inch by inch. Castiel gasped and Dean paused until a faint, "Don't stop." kept him going. When Dean finally bottomed out, he moaned, allowing himself to reminisce in the tight, hot heat of his mate.   
  
At a slow, rhythmic pace, Dean began thrusting. Castiel concentrated on breathing, inhaling the scent of his alpha, which reassured him that it was still him. He wasn't a monster. Dean held himself up on his arms, which were placed on either side of Castiel's head. He dipped his head, capturing Castiel's lips. The omega whimpered when Dean began to pick up his pace, becoming a little less gentle, but a lot more passionate.   
  
Castiel felt a stir in his abdomen, building and building until he moaned loudly, nails digging into Dean's back as he came hard all over his stomach. Dean felt Castiel's hole clench, sending him over the edge.   
  
"O-oh fuck." Dean thrusted one last time before coming, knot swelling and catching on to the rim, he buried his head in the crook of Castiel's neck, body light as he rested on top of Castiel, bodies touching.   
  
Castiel went limp, arms falling to his side, aware that they would be stuck together for a while. Dean raised his head, seeing Castiel's eyes tearing up.   
  
"Cas?" Dean nudged Castiel's jaw with his nose.   
  
Castiel let out a low, nervous sob. His hands were shaking, tears now streaming down his face. Dean, concerned as hell, began to kiss his lover's neck repeatedly. "It's okay, it's okay. It's just me." He said between kisses.    
  
"I know." Castiel whispered, though he sounded unsure. "I-I'm just being dumb."   
  
"No, baby," Dean murmured, a hand came up to wipe away the tears. "I get it, it's fine."   
  
Silence and stillness filled the room, Dean continued giving closed mouth kisses, calming Castiel.   
  
"Dean." Castiel murmured, after a few moments.   
  
"Mmm?" He hummed.   
  
"Mark me." Castiel demanded.   
  
Dean stilled, glancing up at him, a little surprised.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Mark me." Castiel said, again.   
  
Dean looked skeptical. "Cas..."   
  
"Please." Castiel beseeched. This was the only time he'd ever have the courage to ask. "I want to be yours."   
  
Dean was reluctant, searching Castiel's face for any sign of uncertainty. Castiel only seemed to be in dire need of love and care. "Only if that's what you want."   
  
Castiel nodded. He needed this. "I do."   
  
The mark can help.   
  
Dean lowered his head, lips pressed against Castiel's neck. Dean gently kissed the soft skin before cautiously biting, marking. Castiel gasped, the remainder of his unshed tears pooling over.   
  
Castiel couldn't describe it, the way he was feeling. It was a mixture of indistinguishable emotions. He did know one thing - he was _happy_. For the first time in a long time, he didn't feel like a waste of space, he didn't feel useless. He was worth something to someone. The negative thoughts just rushed out of his mind, running as if it new it wasn't welcomed.   
  
Dean sucked on the bite, pulling away to give praise to his new lover. Dean immediately remarked a change in Castiel's scent, and was more than content realizing that it was because of his marking. He grinned, couldn't stop grinning.  
  
"You did so well. You're amazing, so amazing." Dean murmured. "You can forgive yourself."   
  
  
When Gabriel came back to Sam and Dean's house, he was suspicious. Something smelled different. The air smelled sweeter, stronger than before. It was grossly overwhelming, but it was enough for Gabriel to question who else was in the house, as he had never smelled that scent before.   
  
"Dean?" Gabriel shouted from the front door.   
  
Dean came around the corner of the hallway. "Sam's still not home, if you're wondering."   
  
Gabriel shot him a dirty look. "I wasn't." Gabriel sniffed the air, adding, "Something smells odd."   
  
"Uh," Dean smiled, sheepishly.   
  
"What did you do?" Gabriel's eyes widened, not sure if he should be horrified, worried, or angry.   
  
Dean scratched the back of his head, looking away. How was he supposed to tell his mate's older brother that he fucked him, then marked him?   
  
"Let's just say we're both incredibly relieved that you left when you did." Dean's cheeks turned pink. He looked over his shoulder, then Castiel came into view, his bandaged hand was now free, though an angry red line still scarred his palm. A lot seemed to have happened since Gabriel stepped out.  
  
"What do you-" Gabriel cut himself off, relaxing when Castiel's blue eyes turned to look at him. "Oh.  _Oh_."   
  
It took him a few moments before everything processed. He stared blankly at Castiel. He knew it was him, he could still scent a little bit of Castiel's aroma, but it was slightly different. Bizarre. He was entirely fine with it - all of it. They were mates, their souls, their bodies, and their hearts were made for each other. It was an astounding miracle that they were even mates. What were the odds of finding your true mate in the same place, the same era, the same time? Rarely to never. So, Gabriel was more than okay with it. He was ecstatic.   
  
Castiel needed something refreshing, something new. And now he can have that.   
  
 _Whatever it takes_. Gabriel reminded himself, smiling his approval. This is good, this is a start.   
  
And now, Alistair.   
  
 _Whatever it takes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, things went by quickly. But this verse is alternate, keep that in mind. It's like, "If you're meant to be, you're meant to be." sort of thing. Anyway, thank you for reading this chapter. Hope it was pleasurable, to some degree... Does anybody else miss Tessa and the rest of them? I kinda do.


	11. Torrential Downpour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad things have to happen.

Sam came home late that evening. The storm eventually rolled in, taking its turn to silence the city with its heavy rain drops, dark skies, rumbling thunder, and bright flashes of lightning. Sam was drenched, his coat soaked right through to his shirt. He put the keys back up on the peg, shrugged off his coat, and went straight to his bedroom. Castiel was sitting on the couch, eyeing Gabriel observantly while Dean cleaned up the kitchen.   
  
Gabriel didn't budge from his seat, didn't react when Sam walked past, sneakily touching the back of his neck before leaving. He stared down at his phone, browsing through nothing. Castiel knew this tactic - he was hiding something.   
  
"Gabe?" Castiel cocked his head to the side. "What's the matter?"   
  
Gabriel looked up from his phone, as if suddenly in tune with the world. "What are you talking about?"   
  
"You seem sort of...rigid." Castiel described, narrowing his eyes. "I'm assuming something's bothering you."   
  
Gabriel snorted. "No, Cas, nothing's bothering me."   
  
Gabriel looked down at his phone. Castiel didn't look away. He was too curious for his own good. "Are you sure about that?"   
  
"Cas, seriously-"   
  
"Because I know that when you're suddenly-  
  
"Cas-"   
  
" _obsessed_ with your phone-"   
  
"Are you going to-"  
  
"you must be avoiding something." Castiel finished, persistently. Gabriel scowled, eyes darting to Castiel's bitten neck before checking his phone again.   
  
"Just drop it, got it? It's not important." Gabriel irritably muttered.   
  
Castiel nodded once, reverting back to his curled-up-in-a-blanket position. Dean, done cleaning the kitchen, bent over the couch to kiss Castiel's cheek.   
  
"You doin' okay?" Dean murmured inquisitively, moving to sit next to Castiel. Both of them cuddled under the blanket, happy to be in close proximity again. Gabriel couldn't help but stare.   
  
"I'm fine, Dean." Castiel reassured him, laying his head on Dean's chest.   
  
Gabriel didn't know why, but watching them interact hurt. Their mutual exchanges of affection made him want to forget everything, erase his feelings, and fill the empty void in his heart. He longingly looked at the hallway, where Sam's bedroom was located.   
  
"I'm gonna go check on Sam." He muttered, mostly to himself. Dean nodded, acknowledging him.   
  
Gabriel hesitated once he was at Sam's door, fist raised to knock, but his heart was basically in his throat. Luckily, the door opened before he had the chance to even knock.   
  
Sam stood at the threshold, expression unreadable as he wordleslly pulled Gabriel into his room, closing the door behind them. Gabriel was stunned, staring at the tall man before him. When he didn't speak, Gabriel did.   
  
"So, how'd everything go?" He queried, though he dreaded to know.   
  
Sam sighed, finally releasing whatever tension he was feeling. "It was weird."   
  
Gabriel's brows furrowed. "Weird how?"   
  
"Weird as in too many questions, unsubtle touches, long eye contact sort of weird." Sam basically summed up his 'hang out'. Gabriel crossed his arms, surprisingly intrigued.   
  
"You've known Jess for a long time, and she hasn't seen you in a while either. She probably just misses you." Gabriel guessed, biting the inside of his cheek.   
  
Sam shrugged. "Maybe. It was just...unusual. She barely mentioned Tessa, or Lisa, or Ruby, or any of the others. I was sorta hoping to hear a bit about them."   
  
Gabriel nodded, looking at the floor. "Why don't you pay them a visit?" Gabriel wanted to kick himself for suggesting that.   
  
"No," Sam shook his head. "things are still complicated. I-it wouldn't be safe, for, you know, Cas and Dean's relationship...considering they're still dealing with enough already. I can't be bombarded with questions and have no answers."   
  
"I guess." Gabriel agreed.  
  
"But Jess - I can't just let her go. She's been a good friend. And now she wants more, and I don't think I can give it to her." Sam shook his head, face screwed up in frustration. "I don't want to hurt her."   
  
Gabriel felt guilty, as if this was somehow his fault. He wished he could make Sam feel better, take the frustration, and stress away. Watching Sam pace made him feel on edge, attentive. "Sooner or later, you'll have to tell her."   
  
Sam ran a hand through his tangled, wet hair. "I know."   
  
Sam continued to pace back and forth, completely drawn in his own thoughts. Jess was acting differently. She was a little more flamboyant, talkative, and perky. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it just didn't seem like  _Jess_ ; the down to earth, blunt, humorous girl that Sam came to know. The last two months have changed her, or maybe it was a gradual change that Sam didn't have the chance to see.   
  
Sam hadn't noticed that Gabriel was still in the room, hands on his lap, staring down at the ground. He, too, was lost in thought.   
  
"So," Sam began. Gabriel looked up. "do you approve of Cas and Dean?"   
  
"Of course." Gabriel replied, simply. The change in subject was random. "He managed to find the one person he was meant to be with in this chaotic world."   
  
Sam nodded, agreeing. "Pretty miraculous."   
  
"He's lucky." Gabriel uttered. "They're lucky."   
  
Sam watched him for a moment, watched as Gabriel's expression fell, the brightness in his eyes dimming. His brows tugged together, and something began to worry him. Sam could sense the uneasiness.   
  
"He doesn't know the whole story yet." Gabriel whispered.   
  
Sam turned, facing him. "What do you mean?"   
  
"Dean only knows the lighter damage Alastair's done. He doesn't know what really happened...what really scarred Castiel. Figuratively and literally." Gabriel explained.   
  
Sam moved to Gabriel's side, never looking away. He paused before asking, "What happened?"   
  
Gabriel didn't speak for a few moments as he stared speechlessly at the floor. Castiel _was_ just an innocent, vulnerable seventeen year old. The things that Alastair's put him through was enough pain for him to last a life time. Gabriel doesn't know how his parents couldn't see the torture he put Castiel through. What was even worse, was what he did to Castiel when the parents weren't looking.   
  
Before Castiel was sent away, Alastair made one last visit. Knowing that Castiel's parents had disowned him and left him under the care of his older brother, Alastair took the chance to see him. It was right before he had to leave for the hospital. Gabriel had promised to get him out as soon as he could. In Gabriel's eyes, the mental hospital was just a jail. Castiel was scared, but he couldn't help himself. Alastair was an addiction that he hated to love. He wanted more and more of him, took whatever he could whenever he could. But somewhere deep inside, Castiel's conscience was screaming, begging for release. Castiel would always try to distance himself, but ended up crawling back to him.   
  
Gabriel would always be the one to tell him that they had to leave, that Alastair wasn't a good man. But Castiel never saw that in him.   
  
"He ended up impregnating my baby brother before Cas left. We didn't find out about it until I got him out a month later." Gabriel confessed, hands balling into fists. "He didn't want the baby, but Cas insisted."   
  
Sam felt the hairs on his arms rise. He didn't need the rest of the story to know what happened next.   
  
"When Cas was about a couple months along, Alastair lost his patience." Gabriel swallowed thickly, remembering Castiel's tear streaked, bloody face. Sam felt his own hands clench into fists. "He beat him up. Ca-Cas, he-he was trying to protect the pup." Gabriel shook his head, tears stinging his eyes. "But he was weak."   
  
Sam didn't say anything as he touched Gabriel's knee in attempts to soothe him.   
  
"Alastair cut him open, p-pulled it out..." Gabriel paused, taking in a deep, shaky breath. "...that's when Cas decided he had to leave."   
  
Helplessly watching as Gabriel cried, Sam felt his blood boil with anger. Imagining how they felt was no comparison to how painful it was to see Gabriel break down. It was a nightmare, something you would only ever hear about in horror movies. Sam understood now.   
  
"He lost his child." Gabriel continued, choked. Gabriel harshly wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, sniffling. "When we moved from place to place, it was like a little piece of him left, too. 'Till he was this empty shell."   
  
What was worse was the fact that Castiel assumed that losing his baby was punishment for being a whore and a disappointment.   
  
Sam pulled Gabriel into a hug, his big frame providing an odd sense of comfort. Gabriel took that time to calm himself.   
  
"It's not your fault." Sam said.   
  
"He almost died!" Gabriel shrieked, voice shrilling an octave higher. "He b-bled 'till he was white, barely able to move. He left Cas there and Cas called me from the bathroom, crying so hard I couldn't even understand him."   
  
Sam tightened his arms around him. Gabriel's pain was well hidden. And for once, Gabriel had the courage and bravery to tell someone. Not once has he ever allowed himself to cry or think about it too much, because he'd end up blaming himself for letting this happen.   
  
"And when I got there, Alastair wasn't around." Gabriel spat. "I took Cas and we ran. I didn't even know what happened."   
  
A moment of silence took them. Gabriel would never be able to forgive himself. This could have been prevented - all of it - if he just paid attention.   
  
"I don't even think he'll ever be able to have children."   
  
Sam's heart clenched; he could feel the guilt burn off him. Gabriel didn't say anything after that.   
  
Neither did Sam.   
  
  
A few days later, the storm still hadn't settled down. The meteorologists were now calling it a hurricane. Due to the storm, Gabriel despised being away from any of them. He spent most of his time at Sam and Dean's house, to the point where Dean was teasing him about moving in.   
  
Thunder and lightning occurred mostly during the evening and night times. During the day, it just rained heavily, flooding the streets. At one point, Sam and Gabriel had to try and get back to Gabriel's home and bring over whatever supplies and clothing they had left; the nearby stores, shops, and even the university temporarily closed until the storm was over, leaving Castiel and Dean alone in the house.   
  
It was a little past six in the evening. The sky was darkening, the rain never stopped, the wind howled, and Castiel was getting worried.   
  
"They've been gone a long time." He said, staring out the window. Dean came over and stood by his side, rubbing circles on Castiel's back.   
  
"The water's probably holding them. They'll be back." Dean assured, sensing his discomfort.   
  
Castiel sighed. "I know. I'm just-"  
  
"Worried?" Dean finished his sentence, a small, knowing smiling on his face. "I know."   
  
Castiel turned towards him, brows curved upwards. Dean brought a hand up and touched Castiel's cheek.   
  
"You should take your mind off things, yeah?" Dean suggested, taking Castiel's hand and leading him to the bedroom.   
  
Another hour later, Dean fell asleep to Castiel, who was reading another novel. On the one hundred and thirty second page, there was a knock on the door. Loud enough to be heard over the horrendous roar of rain. Careful not to wake Dean up, Castiel climbed out of bed and made his way to the door, hoping it was Sam and Gabriel.   
  
It wasn't.   
  
He opened the door and all the blood drained from his face. His heart felt heavy, and suddenly he was weak.   
  
"Cassie," He grinned, mesmerizing yellow eyes greeted him. "You're looking well."   
  
Castiel's mind stumbled to form words. "Y-you can't be here."   
  
"Sure I can." Alastair smiled. "I came back for you."   
  
Castiel's grip on the doorknob loosened. "No. No, Gabe will be back soon." He urged.   
  
Alastair raised an eyebrow, stepping into the house, trailing water inside. "Your brother?" He smirked. "I'm not afraid of him."   
  
"Ala-"  
  
"I want you back, baby." Alastair stepped closer to Castiel, who took a step back. "I want us to be together. We can start a family again."   
  
"I already have a family." Castiel blurted, backing all the way to the couch.   
  
"We can have a better one." Alastair reasoned. "The one you always wanted."   
  
Instinctively, Castiel's hand flew to his stomach. His mind was whirling, caught between nostalgia and the incentive to scream. Alastair took Castiel's silence as invitation to approach even closer. Castiel gripped the couch behind him.   
  
As he approached, closing the distance between them, Castiel's heart beat quickened. When they were inches away, Castiel didn't know whether he was going to panic or pass out. But Alastair stopped, his smile fading into something not so friendly. Castiel visibly saw him tense, watched as he frowned, eyes glinting in the dimmed light, looking betrayed. His nostrils flared.  
  
"Infidelity will not be tolerated." Alastair mentioned, monotonously. He raised a hand and touched Castiel's neck, sending shivers down his spine. His hand dragged down his chest, and down abdomen, fingers hovering there for an unusual amount of time. "I do regret a lot of things."   
  
Castiel's throat tightened.   
  
"For one, I should have never hurt you." Alastair murmured, staring at Castiel's middle. "And secondly, I miss our child."   
  
Within Castiel, something snapped. He moved away, running towards the hall. "Dean!"   
  
"Castiel," Alistair warned.   
  
"Cas?" Dean called out frantically, slamming open the door. Castiel reached for Dean. "What's wrong?"   
  
Castiel looked back and over at the wide open door, Alastair no where to be seen. Evidence that Alastair's presence was there, lead by the water marks. Castiel broke down in tears, his knees buckling beneath him. He collapsed at Dean's feet.   
  
"He was here." Dean sniffed. It wasn't a question.   
  
"He found me." Castiel croaked, laying on the ground. He covered his face with his arm.   
  
"Fuck." Dean cursed, running to close the door. He observed the boot-shaped water prints on the linoleum floor. "Did he touch you?"   
  
Hesitantly, Castiel nodded. Covering his mouth, tired of hearing himself sob.   
  
"Did he hurt you?" Dean didn't even try to hide the anger in his voice.   
  
Castiel shook his head. The places Alastair touched burned. He felt dirty again. He shrunk away when Dean reached out to touch him.   
  
"That fucking bastard." Dean growled, green eyes fiery. "Fuck. God damn it!"   
  
Castiel felt heavy, his body starting to hurt against the hard floor. He couldn't bring himself to get up. Dean cursed himself for not being there, for not watching him like he should have. He was supposed to  _protect_ him.   
  
"Dean." Castiel whimpered, voice so small and delicate.   
  
"I'm here." He promised, bending down next to him.   
  
Castiel took in a deep breath. "Th-there's some things I need to tell you."   
  
Dean felt his heart drop.   
  
  
"Aww, my art work!" Gabriel groaned, opening up the door to his bedroom on the first floor.   
  
The first floor of his house was soaked with water. Not too deep, probably an inch, but Gabriel was careless; his work was scattered across the floor. Multiple pieces of paper, canvases, and paint brushes were either soaked and ruined, or floating. His water colors actually stained the water, creating unique swirly patterns about a meter in diameter.   
  
They trotted through the room with rain boots, Gabriel muttering curses to himself every time he opened a new door. Nonetheless, he gathered what materials, shoved them into a large duffel, then continued on. Sam followed, providing company and assistance, to which Gabriel was grateful.   
  
Luckily, Castiel's room was located on the second floor. His belongings were not the least bit damaged. Castiel will be glad to hear that his books hadn't been ruined. But he will be saddened to find out that the wind knocked down the branch next to his balcony.   
  
No more bees for Castiel.   
  
"Does he need any of his books or whatever?" Sam queried, looking around the particularly tidy room.   
  
"Just grab a couple of shirts and stuff, I'll take care of the sentimental things." Gabriel said, walking over to his little brother's desk.   
  
He shuffled through stacks of papers. Most of them were homework assignments, random articles, and doodles. But there was one that caught his eye; a letter. It looked recent. Gabriel didn't know when Castiel had the time to write it.   
  
He read it.   
  
"Find anything?" Sam asked, walking over to him.   
  
Gabriel shoved the paper into his jacket pocket. "No."   
  
"Alright. Then let's go." Sam nodded, walking out of the room.   
  
As he left the room, all he could feel was that letter weighing heavily in his pocket.   
  
  
Dean sat still on his bed, staring down at the floor. He listened to every word Castiel had to say, a mixture of emotions stirring deep within him. Every time he grew angry, that was pummeled down by sadness. Sadness would turn into vengeance, then back to anger. Dean was caught between wanting to murder, and wanting to protect Castiel from everything bad in the world.    
  
Castiel was in the corner of the bed, away from Dean. Every time Dean turned around to touch him, Castiel flinched away, shaking his head, telling him, "No, I can't." He was a quivering mess, a hand protectively covered his stomach as he forced himself to tell Dean the rest of his story.   
  
He was breaking Dean's heart, word by word. Tearing him to shreds; Dean wanted to cry. He wanted to make everything better, and he was frustrated that he couldn't help any more than he already is. Dean loved him so much, but it wasn't enough to permanently take away the pain.   
  
Every single time that Dean thought Castiel was getting better, something would happen to prove otherwise. He hated it. He just wanted to move away, leave the town, the state, the country. He wanted to take Castiel elsewhere, start a new life. But he couldn't do that to him. He'd done that too many times. 

Dean's lip curled over his teeth. Sadness and sympathy overwhelmed by anger. He wanted to kill Alastair.   
  
"Don't be mad." Castiel pleaded, sniffling.   
  
Dean looked over at Castiel, unintentionally glowering at him. Castiel could feel the tension in the room, could feel Dean's anger. It was making him uneasy.   
  
"I'm fucking furious." Dean sneered, his voice low. He moved to face Castiel, features showing everything Dean felt. Castiel looked up at Dean, wide eyes expectant. "And you know what I'm going to do?" Dean didn't wait for an answer. "I'm going to kill him."   
  
Castiel felt his heart leap into his throat. "Dean-"   
  
"I am going to kill him." Dean growled, not really looking at Castiel anymore. "He will die." Red. All he could see was red. Burning fiercely, he wanted to snap Alastair's throat.  
  
"Dean?" Castiel, terrified, cowered away.   
  
Dean reached out his hand. Castiel closed his eyes, preparing himself for the worst. Dean didn't realize what he sounded like or how he was acting. His fingers lightly touched his mate's cheek. On contact, Castiel started to whimper, expecting it to hurt.   
  
 _There was once a hand that wasn't as sweet. Be gentle._ Dean reminded himself, frowning. 

"I won't hurt you." Dean said, caressing Castiel's cheek. A tear escaped his eye, trickling down to Dean's thumb. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."   
  
Castiel crawled onto Dean's lap, laying there until he fell asleep. 


	12. Pistol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins...

By the time Sam and Gabriel made it back to the house, Castiel was asleep and Dean was packing. He had two duffel bags packed, full of clothing and anything else he felt the need to take. He placed both bags next to the couch, Sam nearly tripping over them on his way to the bedroom.   
  
"Dean, what the hell?" Sam said, storming into Dean's bedroom.   
  
"We have to go." Dean ordered, throwing another bag at Sam. "Go pack."   
  
Sam caught it, frowning. "What? Why?"   
  
"Shit." Gabriel breathed in deeply, joining the group. "He was here."   
  
"Alastair?" Sam queried, eyes widening.   
  
"Showed up while I was asleep." Dean muttered. "Scared Cas to death. I don't even know what he said to him."   
  
"Fuck." Gabriel cursed. "Shit. Okay, well we managed grabbed some stuff from Cas's room."   
  
"Good." Dean stated, opening his bed side table's drawer. "If there's anything here that you think he'll need, take it. We gotta go. I'm not gonna argue about this."   
  
"Dean, we can't just lea-"  
  
"I am  _not_ going to argue." Dean said through clenched teeth. Sam nodded once, leaving the bedroom.   
  
Gabriel stood by, intently staring at his sleeping brother. "Is he okay?"   
  
"As okay as he can be after being fucking manhandled by his abusive, psychotic ex." Dean sneered. Castiel twitched.   
  
Gabriel watched, shaking his head. "He always finds us." Gabriel crossed his arms. "He always finds a way."   
  
Dean closed the drawer, shoving multiple unidentifiable items in a small black bag. He took one last thing out of the drawer; a small hand gun. A pistol.  
  
"He won't get anywhere near him."   
  
  
When Castiel woke up, Dean was no longer in the bedroom. All the drawers were taken out, clothing, garbage, and random items were scattered all over the floor. Panic started to settle in, churning hot knots in his stomach. He felt his body heat up, his neck starting to feel uncomfortably warm.   
  
"Dean?" Castiel squeaked, climbing out of bed. He trudged through the mess, walking into the living to see that it was in the same state as the bedroom. A pain growing within his chest started to pull at every nerve ending, screaming for his alpha's calming presence. Castiel opened every door, walked into every room only to be met with mess and vacancy. Returning back to the living room, he was a whimpering mess, growing scared as the rain continued to be the only noise he heard.   
  
Gabriel ran into the house, hair wet and sticking to his face. He looked bewildered, eyes wide as he looked at Castiel.   
  
"Oh good, you're awake." Gabriel breathed, looking over his shoulder. "Come on, we have to go."   
  
Castiel didn't move. "Where's Dean?"   
  
"You'll see him soon, come on!" Gabriel urged, trying to catch his breath.   
  
Castiel shook his head. "I want to know where he is!"   
  
"Cas," Dean panted, running passed Gabriel. He had his gun in hand with the safety lock on. He pulled Castiel into his arms, kissing his forehead repeatedly. "we have to go, okay?"   
  
Without even questioning it, Castiel nodded. Dean grabbed his hand, leading him outside to his car, where Sam was waving them in from the driver's seat.   
  
"Hurry up! The flood'll catch up to us soon." Sam shouted. 

Dean and Castiel got into the back, Dean tucked his gun under his seat, and Gabriel getting in the passenger side. Sam sped off as soon as all the doors were closed, heading west out of the town. Castiel was pressed up against Dean's side, Dean had an arm draped over his shoulders. Castiel was clutching onto Dean's shirt, more alert than ever.   
  
"Dean, why did we leave?" Castiel murmured, peering up at him.   
  
Dean looked down at him, pitifully. "It wasn't safe for you. I need you to be safe."   
  
Castiel shook his head, moving away. "But you're leaving your home."   
  
"It's okay." Dean comforted, half-smiling. "I'm only home when I'm with you."   
  
"Hey, uh, I hate to break up the love fest, but we gotta figure out where we're going." Sam stared at Dean through the rear view mirror. 

Castiel shifted back, laying his head on Dean's lap. He faced Dean, looking up at him. Dean rested his hand on his lover's head, threading his fingers through his hair. He gazed down at him, green meeting blue.   
  
"Just keep driving, Sammy."   
  
  
They booked a hotel room someplace in West Virginia. Dean and Castiel snuggled together in a double bed, falling asleep instantly in each other's arms. Sam slept on the couch, leaving Gabriel with the other double bed. Gabriel had resisted, telling Sam that he should have the bed, but the younger man insisted, already half-asleep on the couch.   
  
Sometime in the middle of the night, Sam woke Gabriel up. Gabriel rolled over, blinking his eyes, but only seeing darkness.   
  
"Shh," Sam hushed. "keep quiet."   
  
"Wha-"  
  
"Do you smell that?" Sam queried, a hand touching Gabriel's shoulder. "It's  _so_ sweet. Woke up 'cause of it."   
  
Gabriel frowned, smelling the air. He, too, agreed that the room's scent was sweet. "Yeah." 

Though Gabriel couldn't see it, Sam frowned. "I...I think it's Cas."   
  
Gabriel sat upright, turning to look at Castiel's figure, who was tucked away under the blankets. "No..." Gabriel breathed. "No fucking way."   
  
"What?" Sam whispered.   
  
Gabriel didn't respond. The air was sweet, like melted sugar, or apple cider. Gabriel had smelled a different version of this before, but it still had the same meaning. Gabriel didn't know how to feel; happiness? Concern? Anger? How was Castiel going to feel when he finds out? Gabriel looked away, kept frowning, swallowed through the growing lump in his throat. Concern. Concern definitely took over. Sam felt that change.   
  
"Hey, what's the matter?" Sam murmured, fingers lightly touch Gabriel's hand.   
  
"Cas..." That was all Gabriel could muster.   
  
"He'll be fine. Probably just some omega hormone thing." Sam said.   
  
"No." Gabriel shook his head. He couldn't bring himself to say the words. The first time it happened, he was ecstatic. Castiel was so happy; overjoyed that something good was happening to him. The light in Castiel's eyes shined brightly every time he talked about it. It was all Castiel wanted to talk about. He planned months ahead, made sure everything was perfect. It was a new start for him; he was out of that stupid hospital, and now with Gabriel.   
  
Castiel had begged to go see Alastair one last time, just to tell him. He had the right to know. Gabriel was reluctant - it was a horrible idea. It was Alastair's fault that Castiel was sent to the hospital. It was Alastair's fault that Castiel's relationship with his parents diminished. It was Alastair's fault that Castiel was physically and psychologically damaged. And Gabriel couldn't understand why Castiel wanted to go back to him. Alastair did that to him - made him dependent.   
  
Castiel didn't know what he wanted, didn't know if it was the right decision. But he didn't _know_ anything. Only knew what Alastair told him, what the doctors told him.   
  
" _It's okay to think about it._ " The doctor had said. " _Now, we're going to give you something that will help you sleep..._ "  
  
" _You're mine. Always._ " Alastair had sniffed him. " _Fuck, you're delicious. Promise me you'll still love me when you're out, okay? We'll get you out. Your brother will get you out._ " He sounded so confident.   
  
" _I-I promise_." Castiel had wept, before Alastair ripped his clothes off.   
  
He had kept that promise. Gabriel was very angry to find out that Castiel snuck out to see Alastair. When Castiel got there, Alastair noticed the change in his scent. Immediately, he became suspicious.  
  
" _It's yours._ " Castiel had said, his hands reflexively covered his stomach.   
  
He had been happy. Alastair, the exact opposite.   
  
Gabriel didn't know where to find him until Castiel made that phone call. Gabriel vowed to protect his little brother, no matter what. Though his protection had always been flawed, but he did what he could on his own.   
  
He swore it would be the last time he'd see Castiel beaten, bloody, and torn.   
  
He swore it would be the last time Castiel ever gotten his heart broken.  
  
  
When Castiel woke up the next day, his eyes were wet as if he'd been crying in his sleep. Dean was awake, nose buried in his hair. His hand was rubbing the back of Castiel's neck gently, making Castiel shiver in response. He was also humming an unfamiliar song. Castiel reached up to press his hand firmly against Dean's abdomen, showing Dean that he was awake.   
  
"Good morning," Dean murmured, lips against his forehead. "how are you feeling?"   
  
Castiel yawned, and then covered his mouth. "I feel sick." He blurted, jumping out of bed and towards the bathroom. He knelt down in front of the toilet, throwing up nothing besides water and remnants of food from last night that hadn't been properly digested. Dean ran after him worry taking over. He sat on the floor next to his mate, eyebrows bunched together. He stared at him, whining silently. He didn't like seeing Castiel this way.  
  
When Castiel was finished, he started crying. It started with sniffling, eyes stinging as he tried not to cry, but he ended up sobbing, head hung low so Dean couldn't see. Confused, Dean pulled Castiel to him in efforts to comfort. Castiel pressed every inch of his body against him, crying into Dean's shoulder. Dean didn't understand the sudden change in moods.   
  
"Dean," Castiel whispered harshly. "something doesn't feel right. I want to leave."   
  
Dean nodded. "Yeah, sure, okay."   
  
"Now." Castiel said, scared.   
  
"Let's go." Dean agreed.   
  
They were back on the road within minutes. Again, Sam was driving and Gabriel sat in the passenger seat. Castiel held onto Dean's hand, their constant touch helping him in more ways than one. Dean was concerned, questioning Castiel's silence and sudden drive to leave. Sam and Gabriel were awfully quiet, too.   
  
Sam still didn't know where they were going, only knew that they needed to go west, far, far away from where they last encountered Alastair. The storm followed them, moving west. It wasn't as bad, though the rain was constant and the sky was grey.   
  
"Fuck." Sam swore, breaking hard. They all jolted forward.   
  
"The hell, Sam?" Dean frowned, resisting the urge to wack his brother on the head. 

"Look." Sam nodded towards the windshield. Dean peered, frowning. There was heavy traffic, and a few police officers weaving through cars, talking to the drivers.   
  
One officer tapped on Sam's window, Sam rolled it down.   
  
"May I see your license and registration, please?" The officer requested with a heavy accent.   
  
"Is there something wrong, officer?" Sam asked, politely while digging for the registration in the glove compartment.   
  
"Road block. Just doin' some check ups, makin' sure everyone's safe." The officer explained, waiting on Sam. He glanced at the back seat, staring at Castiel. Sam frowned, sorting through all the papers. Sam looked over his shoulder.   
  
"Dean, did you leave the registration back at the house?" Sam queried.   
  
Dean shook his head. "No, it's where it's always been."   
  
"It's not in here." Sam said, looking back at the compartment.   
  
The officer sighed, bored. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the vehicle." Without arguing, Sam did as he was told. Sam stood facing the car, hands placed on the hood while the officer gave him a pat down. Once he was deemed unarmed, he took both Sam's hands and pressed them against his back. He took out his cuffs, clasping his wrists together. "I'm going to have to take you down to the station. We'll sort it out there, all right?"   
  
"Whoa, hey, come on, now, we can sort this out right here." Dean frowned, stepping out of the car. He walked over to the police officer. Gabriel followed his lead.   
  
Castiel was left alone in the back seat of the car, watching them as they begun to raise their voices and reason with the officer. Castiel hadn't noticed that Dean didn't close the car door. Castiel was met face to face with a black gun - Dean's black gun. He opened his mouth to scream, but his voice was strangled silent.   
  
Alastair squeezed Castiel's throat kneeling low enough to stay out of sight. "Utter a single word," Alastair sneered. "and I'll shoot him." He pointed the gun directly at Dean.   
  
None of them even noticed.   
  
"Get out." Alastair demanded, looking over his shoulder. No one was paying attention.   
  
Castiel couldn't risk it, even with all the police officers in the street. Alastair could kill Gabriel, Sam, Dean, or even himself within two seconds. So quietly, he moved out of the car, giving Dean a longing look before being pulled out of the car by Alastair.  
  
"Crouch. If we get caught, Dean will get hurt." Alastair warned, his hand still gripped around Castiel's neck. He pressed the gun against Castiel's lower back, pushing him forward. Castiel did as he was told, too petrified to protest.  
  
When they were behind a semi-truck, Alastair stood up, yanking Castiel upright. The hold he had on Castiel's throat dropped and he pushed Castiel against the side of the immobile truck, smashing their lips together in a painful kiss. He pulled away, only by a centimeter, then began licking and kissing his way down to Castiel's neck.   
  
He froze. "You're marked." Alastair knew that marked omegas were obviously taken. But he didn't care. "I'll mark you again." Castiel let out a whine of protest, but it was already too late. Alastair bit over top of Dean's bite, completely masking his scent. Castiel felt defeated. Alastair groaned, licking the droplets of blood that oozed out of his bite marks.   
  
Castiel felt tainted all over again.   
  
"Much better," Alastair sighed, pressing a light kiss on top of the bite. "you still smell sickly sweet, though." He commented, frowning. He sniffed Castiel's neck, then his shoulder. When he was done, he looked livid. "Infidelity will  _not_ be tolerated." He growled, and Castiel didn't understand.   
  
"I-I don't under-"   
  
"This." Alastair pressed a hand against Castiel's lower abdomen. Castiel frowned, still not understanding. "You don't feel it? That pup you're growing? Certainly you must have smelled it."   
  
Castiel's eyes widened, and he swallowed. Alastair gasped in realization, a slow smile creeping onto his face. "Ahh, you don't know?"   
  
"I-I I do-"  
  
"That's okay." Alastair grinned, greedily kissing Castiel. "I'll take care of it." The hand pressed against Castiel's stomach pressed even harder. "We can start over."   
  
  
"Here! Here's the registration." Gabriel said, waving the papers in front of the officer's face. They'd been stuffed in the mesh holder behind the driver's seat. The officer took the registration papers in his hand, looked at Sam's driver's license, nodded once then handed them back.   
  
"All seems to be in order." The officer agreed. The officer took the cuffs off of Sam and made his way across the street, back to the patrol car. With a sigh of relief, Sam got back into the driver's seat, putting the registration papers in the glove compartment.  
  
"Shit, thought he would have fun the-" Dean cursed, checking under his seat for the gun. It wasn't there. "My gun!" It was then when he realized Castiel wasn't in the car either.  
  
"Oh god." Dean felt queasy immediately. Gabriel looked over his shoulder from the passenger side. "What?" It took him a moment to figure out what was wrong. "Where'd Cas go?"   
  
Sam opened his car door again, and soon all of them were looking around, shouting Castiel's name.   
  
"Shit. _Shit_." Dean tugged at his hair, in complete distress. "Where'd he go?"   
  
"Fuck." Gabriel cursed, glaring at the police officer who was smiling back at them. He sped off, in time for Dean to catch him grinning manically.   
  
"No, no, no!" Dean's stomach dropped as he looked left and right, unable to see Castiel. He was starting to run after the car, until Gabriel pulled him back.   
  
"Jesus fucking Christ." Sam slammed his hand on the hood of the car. "We gotta tell the cops or something."   
  
"A  _cop_ was part of this set up, Sam!" Dean shrieked, breathing heavily.   
  
"We gotta tell someone." Sam shook his head, glancing at Gabriel.   
  
"We can't tell anyone, Sam! No one will help. Even if we do, Alastair will find a way to weasel his way out of it. He even managed to lower his sentence by seven years." Gabriel spat through his teeth, balling his hands into fists.   
  
"We have to tell someone." Sam insisted, touching Gabriel's arm. "The authorities need to know that he's missing. Especially 'cause he's-"  
  
"Sam." Gabriel cut him off, looking at him sharply.   
  
"Especially 'cause he's what?" Dean asked. Sam looked at him apologetically.   
  
"Sam." Gabriel shook his head, frowning.   
  
"He has to know." Sam pleaded, gesturing towards Dean.   
  
"Not from us. Not right now." Gabriel shook his head, trying to keep his voice low.   
  
"What? What can't I know?" Dean was on the verge of snapping, arms crossed.   
  
"Dean-"   
  
"He's  _my_ mate,  _my_ omega,  _I_ have the right to know!" Dean stepped forward, glowering down at Gabriel. Dean wasn't Dean. He was the alpha. An alpha without his omega, leaving him angry, upset, and lost.   
  
Gabriel looked away. Dean shouldn't have to hear it from him. It should come from Castiel. And it shouldn't have to be brought up like this, when it was absolutely essential for him to know. Dean was supposed to feel happy and excited after he hears this news. Gabriel was terrified that it'll only make him worry more, panic more, make him go crazy.   
  
"Castiel..." Gabriel hesitated, heaving in a long sigh. "...he's pregnant."   
  
Dean's demeanor changed. He loosened up, crossed arms dropping to his sides, his face smoothed out, his green eyes were round and innocent. "I didn't know...?"   
  
"You must've adapted to his scent while you were asleep." Gabriel suggested, slightly relieved that Dean wasn't lashing out. Yet. "Dean, I don't think he even knows."   
  
"My baby..." Dean said to himself. "They're alone. They're in danger. No. No, we have to find him."  
  
Sam and Gabriel's words were only murmurs in the background. Dean's mind was scolding him, screaming. _Find him, find him, find him!_ His mind was yelling at the top of its non-existent lungs. It felt like nails were scratching the inside of his skull. How could he let this happen?  _Again_?He promised Castiel that nothing bad would ever happen to him again, that he would never leave him, lever leave him alone, that he'd always be there. But he's not. And now Castiel was gone.   
  
"I need him. I can't-I can't breathe without him." Dean's heart felt like it was going to swell up and burst. "He doesn't know, and he's alone - he's with that sick motherfucker."   
  
"Dean, you have to stay calm. We won't be able to find Cas with like this." Gabriel said, holding out a hand as if to stop him.   
  
Dean cocked his head to the side, looking at him incredulously. "You just told me that my missing mate's pregnant, and you expect me to stay calm?" He laughed, humorlessly.   
  
"Dean-" Sam interjected.   
  
"No." Dean shook his head, voice dangerously calm. "We're going to find him. He's going to be with me again. He's going to be just fine." Dean breathed, looking everywhere except Sam and Gabriel. "And Alastair will die."  
  
"Dean-"   
  
"Get in the car." Dean ordered, pushing past Sam. "I'm driving."


	13. Just A Toy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Non consensual acts, violence, physical & verbal abuse, and psychological manipulation. Pretty dark chapter here.

The room was dark. It always had been. It smelled like rust, rain, and oddly enough, fresh air. Castiel opened his eyes, finding himself laying flat on his back in an unfamiliar room. A barred window was open. It was apparent that he was on the second story of wherever he was, as he could see the top of a tree. A branch hung over the balcony - a balcony like he used to have, with a sliding door - its leaves were an orange-red color.   
  
Castiel blinked, sitting upright. He was wrapped in a white duvet with multiple pillows around him. The bed was large, king-sized, probably. The room was very white and clean. Everything was in order, nothing was left out of place. His heart sank, realizing Dean wasn't there. He itched. His heart yearned for Dean, but his body was asking for something else. Confused and dazed, Castiel threw the blankets over him.   
  
He walked over to the bathroom. It was mostly white with aqua colored tiles. He stared at himself in the mirror. His blue eyes looked at him as if he were a stranger. And it was then when he glanced at the bluish bite mark on his neck. Almost immediately, he felt sick. It felt wrong.   
  
"Castiel?" a throaty voice invaded the room. The hairs on the back of Castiel's neck stood up. He didn't respond. Alastair came into view, and he was relieved to see Castiel in the bathroom.  
  
"Hello," he greeted, snaking his arms around Castiel's waist. He looked at them in the mirror. "How's my baby doing?"   
  
Baby. The baby Castiel was carrying. Castiel couldn't remember the last time he felt his baby's feelings. He remembered feeling a sharp pain, then hotness. He remembered Alastair telling him that everything was going to be okay, that he was there. In reality, that didn't comfort Castiel at all. He didn't know whether or not Alastair did anything to his growing, unborn child. He couldn't smell anything, but that was mostly due to his new mark.   
  
Alastair sensed Castiel's worry. He kissed Castiel's neck, then whispered right next to his ear. "I'd never hurt your pup."   
  
His voice sent shivers down Castiel's spine, making him feel uncomfortable. Castiel squirmed out of Alastair's hold.   
  
"I love you," Alastair said, hands coming up to caress Castiel's face. "It was so long ago, and I made some horrible mistakes. I'm hoping that you'll forgive me."   
  
Castiel didn't know what to say. He'd never be able to forgive a man like Alastair. It was making him sick just thinking about it. He wanted to be with Dean, that's where he belonged. With Dean.   
  
Alastair's soft gaze sharpened, looking much stricter than when he first entered the room. "Castiel," Alastair was stern, his grip on Castiel's face tightened. Castiel began to whine. "Will you forgive me?" It was more a demand than an earnest question.   
  
Castiel nodded, forcing himself to smile. "Of course," he was good at being Alastair's perfect little doll.  
  
Alastair smiled back, praising him. He let Castiel go, kissing him. Alastair's hands roamed Castiel's neck, trailing up into Castiel's hair, pulling him closer. Castiel closed his eyes, praying for it to be over.   
  
"I love you. I love you so much," Alastair repeated between kisses, pushing Castiel back against the sink, their hips touching.   
  
Castiel wanted to cry. He wanted to wake up from this nightmare and be in Dean's arms again, because that's  _all he wanted._ Castiel fought back a sob; he was still being punished. This was punishment for lying to Dean. He was cheating on Dean. Right now, he was willingly letting this man touch him, violate him. Castiel wanted to break the mirror behind him, take a glass shard and -   
  
"Oh, fuck me," Alastair growled, biting on Castiel's lower lip. "God, I wanna fuck you so badly."   
  
Those words made Castiel feel inferior. He felt overpowered, scared, dominated. This is not how he was supposed to feel like. This is not how a person who loves you is supposed to treat you. They aren't supposed to make you feel fear, make you feel trapped. They're supposed to liberate you, show you what you're capable of. They're supposed to support you while you figure yourself out - figure each other out. But Castiel felt like a caged animal, only used for show.   
  
Alastair ground his hips into Castiel's. It was painful. The bathroom sink dug into Castiel's hips, the pain was sharp. He could already feel the bruises. Alastair loved hearing Castiel's whimpers, loved how Castiel was submissive. He was inexplicably possessive over Castiel.   
  
"Your scent is driving me insane," Alastair whispered hotly against Castiel's lips. "I don't think I can resist you."   
  
"Please," Castiel shook his head, trying his best to defend himself. "N-not yet."   
  
Alastair set his hands on Castiel's hips, backing up a bit to give him space. He stared at Castiel. Castiel couldn't make eye contact. "Why?"   
  
"I-I just need time," Castiel murmured, fingers touching the buttons on Alastair's shirt. "It's all so overwhelming."   
  
Alastair raised his hand and Castiel involuntarily winced, expecting to be smacked, but was surprised when Alastair simply touched his face. "Okay. Our pup must come first," Castiel's clenched his teeth, but nodded. If he was pregnant, he'd have to do everything to protect it. Alastair smiled at Castiel's obedience. He pulled Castiel in, protectively. "I'm not going to make the same mistakes I did before."   
  
A loud knock on the door interrupted them. 

"Stay here," he said, pressing a kiss to Castiel's forehead before leaving to open the door. Castiel looked back at the mirror, blue eyes dulled. 

"Can I see him?" an unfamiliar voice asked, and Castiel felt himself shrink away towards the corner of the bathroom.   
  
"Don't fucking scare him," Alastair threatened. Castiel heard footsteps coming towards him. Alastair was in view first. Following him was a tall, dirty blond haired man. He didn't look the slightest bit friendly or comforting. The strange man sauntered towards him, staring at him critically.   
  
The quietness in the room was suspenseful. Castiel didn't know why this man was here or who he was. Was he Alastair's accomplice? Friend? Alastair stared at this man, watching his movements. The stranger glanced at the bite on his neck.   
  
"You already marked him?" the stranger frowned, but didn't wait for an answer. "Fuck you," he grinned, looking back at Alastair. "He's fucking gorgeous," the man stepped forward, sniffing him. He snorted. "You managed to get him knocked up already?"   
  
"No," Alastair said. "Not mine."   
  
The stranger's gaze turned into a glare. "The little whore managed to find himself another mate?" he shook his head. "Disloyalty is unflattering."  
  
Castiel backed away, back pressed up against the wall next to the sink. He felt himself heating up, worried that he would try to hurt him.   
  
Alastair yanked the strange man out of the room and out of sight. Castiel heard a slam, something banging against the wall. Castiel flinched.   
  
"Insult him again and I  _will_ hurt you," Alastair's voice could be heard.   
  
"Jeez, calm the fuck down," the stranger retaliated. The man was laughing, as though Alastair's threat was nothing - a harmless threat. "Now," there was rustling. "If you're done being a prick, I'm gonna check in on everyone else.    
  
"Fuck off," Alastair sneered, and all fell silent.   
  
Castiel didn't move from the corner of the bathroom. He waited, listening for a safe time to leave. He gulped, fear was settling in the pit of his stomach. He was verging towards nausea; he didn't feel right. Alastair's mark was making him feel tingly, itchy, as though he was in the wrong body. The only thing he could think about was Dean and how he left him without a word.   
  
He made himself feel sicker, just thinking about Dean panicking, looking for him.   
  
"Aw, sweetie, you're not looking too good," Alastair commented, frowning.   
  
Castiel smelled alpha. Everything was pure, dominating alpha. Castiel didn't know what to do at that moment. For one, he was terrified for the pup that he was carrying. And two, he was away from Dean.   
  
When Castiel hid in the library reading books, he did more than read romance and fantasy novels. He read and educated himself on biology. Specifically details concerning male omegas and mating. Castiel understood the risks of being away from his true mate for too long - he could get very ill and possibly die. Carrying a barely developed pup, this only concerned Castiel even more.   
  
Instinctively, Castiel brought his hand up to touch his stomach. He had to protect it.   
  
"Come on," Alastair said, tugging at Castiel's other arm. Castiel shook his head, trying to pry away from Alastair's hold. But Alastair's grip tightened, locking him in a vice. Castiel remembered the last time Alastair held him like that. "Move."   
  
Nervous, Castiel did as he was told. Alastair lead him out of the room. Castiel didn't know where they were - this place was much different than the last. Outside of his extremely white room, it was dark. The walls were painted a dark, muddy brown. The floor was dark, too. Cherry wood. The hallway was long, multiple doors were aligned on either side. Castiel wondered what rooms were behind them.   
  
At some point, Alastair's hold on Castiel's wrist loosened and he guided his hand down to intertwine their fingers. Castiel's breathing hitched. Alastair's hand felt hot - how did Castiel not notice this before? - and Castiel shivered.   
  
Alastiar lead him into a den area. It looked like a warehouse, except the ceiling weren't high and there was furniture that Castiel guessed was supposed to make it feel homier. Alpha and beta males were everywhere. Not too many of them, maybe sixteen or seventeen, not including the freaky stranger that called him names earlier. Castiel wondered if there were more.   
  
Alastair let go of Castiel's hand, walking towards - what Castiel can only presume - the kitchen. Castiel stood awkwardly in the middle of the warehouse, a few alphas and betas eyes him. He didn't recognized any of them. One, who was clearly fearless, walked right up to him. He started sniffing with a smile so wide that it truly terrified Castiel.   
  
"Mmm," he moaned. "A  _pregnant_ omega." his smile didn't change. "Like to play house, now, do we?"   
  
"Hey!" Alastair growled, voice booming. "He's mine," the whole room froze. "Don't fucking touch him."   
  
The man standing before Castiel stopped smiling, glaring at Castiel. He didn't say anything, only huffed in defeat before returning back to the couch. Castiel moved to the furthest, loneliest part of the room and he sat down, curling up, nestling his head between his knees.  
  
He didn't know how long he sat there. It felt like hours. But Castiel concentrated; thought about what he was supposed to do, what he was supposed to say, how to say it, thought about Gabriel, thought about Dean, Sam, Tessa, Kevin, Jo, Lisa, and even Ruby. He thought about the consequences, the risks, thought about the possibility of him never escaping.  
  
There was no way of running, not with all those people. They were Alastair's people. Castiel knew what they did; they were practically guards. His workers. They did whatever Alastair wanted, no questions asked. Castiel still never figured out how he managed to manipulate all of them like that.   
  
Castiel kept his head between his knees, too afraid to look up.   
  
  
It was foggy. The edges were blurred, the lighting was wrong, and there was no...ground? Castiel looked around. Nothing. It was like looking into a train tunnel. Castiel couldn't feel anything either. Nothing was touching him. His feet weren't planted on anything. He was just floating.   
  
Adrenaline surged through his veins like lightning crackles across the sky. He was driven, wanting to run but unable to move. Castiel heaved in a deep breath, opened his mouth to shout something, but nothing came out. He was stuck; immobile, speechless. Adrenaline continued to pump through his veins uncontrollably, not allowing himself to feel anything else.   
  
A hand came from behind him. Not his own, not one that he knows. It was gloved. Black leather gloves hid the identity of the hand that approached his face, covering his mouth. Then, something warm and hard pressed against his back. A body? Castiel wasn't sure. Only knew that he was being restrained, being taken away. Finally, he was moving.   
  
"Castiel," the man behind him breathed. "I've been waiting so long for this."   
  
And then, Castiel woke up, breathing heavily, heart pounding painfully in his chest. He was sweating, skin feeling clammy and wet. He widened his eyes, trying to see something in the darkness around him. But nothing. He could only feel. He could feel someone touching him,  _violating_ him. A hand was in his boxers, stroking his cock. Castiel squirmed, trying to move away.   
  
"Don't move," a voice whispered next to his ear. It was commanding, mean. It was pure alpha.   
  
Castiel shuddered, closing his eyes. "Please don't," he pleaded, his voice quieter than a whisper.   
  
The person next to him - it wasn't Alastair - moved even closer, lips brushing against Castiel's hear, teeth gently biting his earlobe. The hand in his boxers started to stroke him, and Castiel couldn't help but get hard, slick beginning to soak the sheets beneath them. It was biology. It didn't matter what Castiel wanted anymore.    
  
"Thatta boy," the man praised, licking the length of Castiel's neck. Castiel cringed, fear officially becoming his primal feeling.   
  
The man moved, suddenly hovering over top of Castiel. Castiel couldn't see his face, but his scent was somewhat familiar. He couldn't scream; knew that if he tried, he'd get hurt. The baby would get hurt. So, he kept quiet. He kept hating himself for doing this, but he never questioned it.   
  
They don't like questions.   
  
"Flip over," the man ordered. "I'm going to fuck you."   
  
Reluctantly, Castiel did as he was told. He pressed his face into his pillow, hands holding onto the bed sheets tightly. The man hastily pushed down Castiel's boxers, fingers prodding his hole eagerly. The man, already naked, pressed his growing erection against Castiel's ass cheeks, grounding down hard. Castiel felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to vomit and cry himself to sleep.   
  
He just wanted Dean.   
  
After quickly prepping Castiel, the stranger aligned his large cock and slid inside, not allowing Castiel any time to adjust. Two inches in, Castiel already felt full. The alpha was too big, too thick. It was all wrong. He felt like he was being split open, used to his full potential. The pressure in his lower abdomen wasn't from an orgasm, but immense pain. A pain that warned him to stop before he seriously hurt himself.   
  
"Fuck, you take cock so well," the alpha breathed hotly against the back of Castiel's neck. "No wonder Alastair wanted you back."   
  
Castiel whimpered, only encouraging the alpha to fuck him harder, rougher. There was a point where Castiel began to feel numb; he was sure he started bleeding. He was sure the alpha could smell it, too.   
  
"O-Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna-" the alpha stuttered before slamming into Castiel so hard that the omega saw spots. The alpha came, his knot latched on to Castiel's rim, tying them together. Castiel nearly passed out. He bit his lip, hard enough to temporarily stop the anxiousness.   
  
The alpha collapsed on top of him, kissing Castiel's spine. "It's a good thing you're already pregnant," the man laughed. "Alastair would chop my head off if I got you pregnant."   
  
Castiel was thankful that he was laying face down.   
  
That way, his tears had somewhere to hide.   
  
  
Later that night, things didn't get any better. The strange man left, his identity remaining unknown. His scent was strong, though. Castiel was sure that if he came across him, he'd know right away.   
  
Hours after, Alastair had finally came back to Castiel's bedroom. He found Castiel face down, his boxers were back on, but his scent betrayed him. Alastair didn't need a confession to know what happened.   
  
"Get up," he ordered, taking on his alpha tone.   
  
Castiel pushed himself up, turning to sit upright, facing Alastair. Castiel couldn't see his face, but he could sense the anger. Alastair was infuriated. He grabbed Castiel's hand, yanking him off the bed. Castiel knew what was going to happen.   
  
"Stay," Alastair spat, pushing Castiel to the ground, forcing him on his knees. The silence in the room was unnerving, it made Castiel want to shrink. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"   
  
It wasn't a friendly tone. Castiel's lips turned downward, bottom lip quivering. Tears prickled his eyes for the fifteenth time that day.   
  
"No?" Alastair answered his own question. Castiel lowered his head. Alastair brought his hand back, slapping Castiel sharply across the cheek, emitting a cry from the omega. Alastair grabbed Castiel's face, squeezed it, forcing him to look upwards.  
  
"Infidelity is _not_ tolerated," he let go of Castiel's face, going straight for his neck. He dropped to his knees, leveling with Castiel. Thick, hot tears began to stream down Castiel's face. "I can  _smell_ it," Alastair said, disgusted.   
  
"I-I didn't-"   
  
"Didn't what?" Alastair challenged. It was just two voices echoing in the dark. One was pained, the other was aggressive. "What, ask for it?" Alastair laughed. It was broken, sharp. "Don't fucking lie to me. We both know how much you love being knotted. It's what you do, yeah? You like cheating on me? Fucking bitch." Alastair growled, the grip he had on Castiel's throat tightened. Castiel gasped for air.  
  
"Look at you," Alastair continued. "You're disgusting. Who the fuck would want a slutty, disloyal bitch like you? I don't even think Dean ever did, hmm?" Alastair laughed, mockingly. "You're lucky you even have me," Alastair spat, nails digging into Castiel's throat, too. At this point, Castiel felt dizzy. "You're lucky I even put up with a whore like you," Alastair let Castiel go, watching his shadowy figure slump to the floor, gasping for air. "Fucking bitch."   
  
It didn't end there.   
  
When Castiel woke up the next day, he found himself laying in a puddle of his own blood, his face was slashed, his body hurt, and there was a sharp pain in his abdominal area. When Castiel mustered up the energy to look down, he wailed.   
  
He'd been stabbed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you guys are still interested in this story (?) I'm unsure as I am not receiving much feedback.


	14. Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this now because I won't be able to tomorrow.

"He's gotta come back." Dean said, staring at the coffee table.   
  
Sam had suggested that it be a good idea if they lay low, find a motel somewhere, and hatch a plan. Gabriel had gone out to get food for the evening. Sam sat on the couch opposite of Dean, who held his head in his hands, fighting the urge to break every fragile thing in the motel room.   
  
The distance put between him and his mate was making him go mad.   
  
"We'll find him." Sam was sure of it. "You'll get him back."   
  
Dean grimaced. "I can't believe I let this happen." He shook his head, tugging at his hair. "I'm a horrible fucking alpha."   
  
"Look," Sam began. "we don't know how Alastair managed to lure him away. We don't even know if it was Alastair, to begin with."   
  
"No, it was him." Dean snapped. He was quiet for a moment before his face crumpled. "Cas...he must feel so scared. A-and the pup, oh fuck, the pup-"   
  
"Dean, calm down." Sam said, moving to sit beside him. A draped his arm over Dean's shoulder, pulling him into a side hug. "It's gonna be okay. He's going to be just fine. Your pup's going to be fine, okay?"   
  
"I-I can't sit here." Dean shook his head, abruptly standing up. Sam could tell that Dean's mind was everywhere. "I gotta find him."   
  
"Dean, just-"  
  
"I am  _not_ gonna sit here knowing that my baby's with some fucking maniac!" Dean muttered, sternly. His green eyes burned into Sam's. Sam sat there, lips pressed into a thin line. There was no way he could persuade his brother to wait. Dean took a step back, reaching for the car keys. "You're either with me or you're not, Sammy."   
  
"'Course I'm with you." Sam replied, dutifully. "I just think that you're-"  
  
"Then call Gabriel." Dean ordered. "Tell him to hurry."   
  
  
Castiel laid in bed while a male alpha, his name was Michael, tended his wounds. Apparently Michael was the medic. That was new. Before, Alastair didn't have a medic. Michael was kind, gentle when he touched. He respected Castiel's wishes, didn't touch him unless Castiel permitted him to. He was considerate, and understand.   
  
Castiel doesn't understand why Michael worked for him.   
  
Alastair hadn't come to see Castiel since the beating. Michael was the only one who came to see him since. Luckily, he brought food. Castiel was grateful.   
  
"Do you want to tell me how this happened?" Michael queried, dabbing a cotton ball with alcohol over the stab wound. Castiel breathed in sharply through his teeth. He shook his head. "Sorry. You don't deserve this. I'm guessing that bite on your neck is making you feel odd, right?"   
  
Castiel bit on his lip, staring up at the ceiling. "Yeah."   
  
The room was already quiet, minus their small exchange of words.   
  
"You know him." Michael stated after a certain amount of time. Castiel narrowed his eyes. "He spoke of you quite a bit before...before he left to follow you." Michael observed Castiel. "He said that you were kidnapped or something."   
  
"Mate." Castiel swallowed. "I was with my mate."   
  
Michael's fingers frozed, cotton ball resting on the open wound. "True mate?"   
  
Castiel nodded slowly.   
  
"Shit." He hissed under his breath. "Shit, this-this isn't good. When was your last heat?"   
  
"More than a week ago, I think." Castiel said, unsure.   
  
"And your mate, did he help you with that?" Michael was hesitant, brows knitting together.   
  
Castiel flushed pink. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm supposed to have his-" Castiel looked down, sudden realization hitting him hard. "oh."   
  
Michael followed his gaze, which stared right at the open wound. Michael's expression went lax as he threw the cotton ball into the waste paper basket. "Oh." He echoed Castiel. It took a few moments before he realized why Castiel went rigid. "Oh, Castiel, I-I am so sorry."   
  
Castiel couldn't form words. A large lump began to form at the base of his throat while tears began to pool in his eyes. He couldn't feel the pain. It was numbed by drugs. Castiel began to whimper, then silently weep.   
  
"No." He whispered harshly, trembling fingers reaching up to stroke his now vacant stomach. He was a graveyard.   
  
Their child was gone. The child that Dean and Castiel made together...neither of them had the chance to rejoice together. Castiel wasn't even sure if Dean knew about it. But it didn't matter now; the developing pup was gone.  
  
It all happened so fast, only to be taken away just as quickly. Castiel didn't have time to process any of it.  
  
"L-let's just..." Michael didn't know what to do. When Castiel didn't blink, letting the tears freely fall, he stopped tending to the wound. His heart ached for Castiel. He knew that he didn't ask for this. He was taken away from his family, forced to live with people he barely even knew. Michael felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He reached for it, opening the message.   
  
 _Is the bitch stitched up yet?_ _  
  
_- _A_  
  
Michael felt sympathetic towards the omega. He had to help him; it was then when he decided to take a risk.   
  
"Do you know his phone number?" Michael asked.   
  
Castiel's eyes widened, but he nodded. Michael placed the phone in Castiel's hand, curling his fingers around it.   
  
"Call him. Let him know you're okay." Michael said. It wasn't an option. Castiel didn't argue.   
  
Castiel fumbled with the cell phone, eyeing Michael. Michael nodded, encouraging Castiel to dial. With trembling fingers and blurry eyes, he managed to punch in the number. He pressed the phone to his ear. Michael went back to tending the wound quietly.   
  
It seemed too good to be true.   
  
"Hello?" A gravelly voice answered.   
  
"Dean?" Castiel's voice shrilled.   
  
"Cas?" Dean's tone implied it all; concern, fear, helplessness. "Is this really you? Are you okay? Tell me where you are."   
  
"I-I don't know." Castiel's voice began to quiver. Hearing Dean's voice was a relief that only Castiel could understand, because it didn't undermine the intense fear that he continued to feel. "I'm scared. I-I don't know-"  
  
"Are you okay?" Dean asked, again. It sounded rushed, panicked, but Dean didn't care. Castiel's heart palpitated in response. "I promise I'm going to find you. Just-just hang in there, okay? Who's phone are you using? Will you be able to call again?"   
  
"It's not mine." Castiel never wanted to be somewhere else so badly. He was on the verge of tears, voice shaky despite the overload of adrenaline in his veins. "N-no, I don't, I can't."   
  
Castiel listened to Dean breathe in deeply. "Please tell me you're not hurt."   
  
Castiel looked at Michael, who had begun stitching him. He looked away.   
  
"No. I'm not hurt." Castiel said. Michael glanced up.   
  
"And-and the baby?" Dean had to ask. Castiel's words got caught in his throat.  
  
"Castiel!" A loud voice shouted, a heavy fist pounding against the door. Michael bit the thread, finishing his suture.   
  
"Dean, I gotta go, I-"  
  
"I love-" Michael snatched the phone from Castiel's hand in time for Alastair to burst through the door.   
  
Michael dabbed a bit more alcohol on the stitches, cleaning it up. He shot Castiel a look, warning him to stay quiet. He left the room without a single word, leaving Alastair and Castiel alone. Alastair shut the door behind him, locking it. He stepped forward, a blank expression on his face.   
  
"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Alastair said. "But you know I had every reason to, right?"   
  
Castiel nodded automatically.   
  
"Good. I am also sorry about your loss." He added, unapologetic. "But," He began, climbing onto the bed. He caressed Castiel's thigh. "we can always try again."   
  
It was on purpose. Alastair killed his pup on purpose. He never cared for it, didn't care if it involved hurting Castiel either. All he wanted was Castiel's body, wanted to breed him up with his  _own_ pups because Castiel was the only omega to ever satisfy his needs. He was the only one who was obedient, quiet, and pretty enough.   
  
"Isn't that right?" Alastair gave Castiel's thigh a light squeeze.   
  
Castiel nodded.   
  
"Good." Alastair grinned. "Forgot about that old boyfriend of yours? Dean, was his name?"   
  
The name tore his heart. But Castiel nodded, putting up one of the best facades ever. Alastair's grin widened.   
  
"Fantastic." Alastair commented, getting up. "I am very sorry about hurting you. You know I lose my patience easily."   
  
"It's okay." Castiel choked, forcing a small smile. "I-I'm okay."    
  
  
Dean dropped his phone into the cup holder, one hand still clutching the steering wheel too tightly. "Track it." Dean ordered, pressing down on the gas pedal harder. "You can track it, right, Sam?"  
  
"Yeah, Dean, calm down." Sam took the phone, impatiently connecting it into his computer.   
  
"That was Cas? Was that Cas?" Gabriel questioned, rushed.   
  
"It was him." Dean confirmed, tone serious and business-like.   
  
"What'd he say? Is he okay?"   
  
"He's scared." Dean said with guilt. "He says he's fine, but-"   
  
"The baby?" Gabriel anticipated.   
  
Dean's expression shifted. "I-I don't know. I've got a bad feeling.  
  
Gabriel relaxed back into his seat, staring down at the floor of the car. He listened to Sam type on his computer, listened to the sound of the rain patter against the windshield, and listened to his own breathing. He desperately wanted to switch places with Castiel. Castiel didn't deserve this, didn't deserve to be kidnapped a second time, taken away from his family, and his mate. Castiel had a pup to worry about, as far as Gabriel was concerned. Gabriel didn't really have anything.   
  
Castiel was be in excruciating pain; the distance put between him and his mate must be agonizing. His mark would have made him beg, plead, scream for Dean. Gabriel hated imagining his brother going through it.   
  
Much to Gabriel's dismay, Castiel never really did tell him everything. Castiel had left out the gruesome details, avoided as much of the topic as he could. Gabriel didn't need the details to figure out what else Alastair did.   
  
"Arrington, Virginia." Sam muttered. "That's where he is. Phone call came from a registered number, thankfully."   
  
"Rookies." Gabriel snorted.   
  
"Where the hell's that?" Dean glanced at Sam from the rear view mirror.   
  
"A little northwest of Richmond. Just-" Sam clicked on the 'maps' section. "I'll tell you where to go. Just hurry." Sam advised. "The storm's catching up."  
  
  
Castiel was bedridden. Or at least, that's what Michael said. Alastair wasn't happy. In fact, he was pissed off. He wanted to show Castiel off, wanted to show the others that no one will be able to touch him ever again.   
  
Castiel didn't need to tell Alastair who did it. Alastair probably already knew.   
  
Probably told him to.   
  
There was no TV in the bedroom, no computer, nothing besides stacks of books. It was raining outside, which meant that Castiel couldn't sit out on the balcony. He was alone. The room wasn't bright. The white walls, ceiling, and floors looked grey. He was a little relieved to know that Dean was other there looking for him, that he had the chance to hear his voice even for just a minute. He wondered if Michael would let him call again.  
  
Castiel clutched a book in his hand, the one Alastair had given him.   
  
He was calmly reading, until someone knocked on the door. Castiel knew that it was only a courteous. Whoever was knocking was going to come in anyway.  
  
As predicted, they came in.  
  
It was the man that sniffed him, got up in his personal space.  
  
He entered the room, closing the door behind him. Then, he locked eyes with Castiel. He had a predator-like attitude.  
  
"Castiel." He smiled, showing his teeth. "Man, you've seriously gotten the group riled up."   
  
Castiel pushed back against the head board, eyes wide and expectant. The stranger held his hands up. "Calm down, buddy, I'm not here to hurt you." He stepped forward. "I'm just here to talk."   
  
Castiel didn't know what he wanted to know. There was nothing he wanted to say to him.   
  
"My name's Lucifer." The man said. Castiel narrowed his eyes. The man rolled his. "Yeah, like the devil. People around here call me Luce." When Castiel didn't speak, Lucifer sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry for freaking you out. Look, we all have to prove to Alastair that we're tough guys. He doesn't like having weaklings. I thought the best way to prove my boldness was to insult you." Lucifer said. "It's better than hurting you or whatever."   
  
Castiel looked down.   
  
"Yeah, I know, it was pretty fucking stupid." Lucifer said, in his defense. "And I am actually  _really_ sorry." He paused, examining Castiel's bruised face, his smile faltered. "I'm assuming you already met Michael."   
  
Castiel nodded.  
  
"He's my brother." Lucifer said. "He's a big softy."   
  
Castiel stared at the duvet, uncertain where to look.   
  
"You know you can talk, right?" Lucifer asked, then sighed. "I did apologize. Genuinely, at that."   
  
Castiel nodded, again. "I know."   
  
Lucifer's smile returned. "Good to know they didn't rip out your vocal chords."   
  
Castiel flinched.  
  
"Sorry." Lucifer uttered quickly. "Fuck, I'm bad at this-this whole comforting thing."   
  
"Comforting?" Castiel queried.   
  
Lucifer rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, Alastair will be here again soon. Just wanted to make sure that you're actually okay. Also had to explain myself, too." Lucifer licked his lips. "I also heard about what happened last night."   
  
Castiel looked away. He didn't even had time to grieve. No time to cry.   
  
"Alastair tells me everything." Lucifer explained.   
  
Castiel stared at nothing. He felt humiliated. He didn't understand why Lucifer felt the need to comfort him. He worked for Alastair. He should know how Alastair worked. He shouldn't care.   
  
Knowing that Alastair was about to arrive, Lucifer turned towards the door. "Not all of us are monsters, Castiel." He stated, before leaving.   
  
Castiel watched as the door slammed shut. What did that mean? What was Lucifer's goal? How was that significant? Castiel's eyes darted back down at the book he was holding. He wished his life was a fictional story. Fictional stories had one thing that Castiel was jealous of - the fact that it was fiction.   
  
A few minutes of thinking was interrupted by Alastair opening the door, shutting it closed. He folded his arms, one on top of the other. He did not look amused. Castiel felt his stomach go sour, in a way that made him want to shrivel up and collapse in on himself.   
  
"How are you feeling?"   
  
"I'm okay." Castiel murmured timidly.   
  
Alastair walked over to the foot of the bed, yellow eyes peering down at Castiel with a hard look. "I know you're still upset about losing the kid." He sighed, irritably.   
  
Upset was an understatement. Castiel felt hurt. More than hurt. Destroyed didn't even suffice. Castiel felt like a part of him - a part Dean - was ripped away. He wanted to claw Alastair's eyes out, scream in his ears, strangle the man to death because that's what he deserves. Castiel doesn't know how he will be able to break the news to Dean. Doesn't even know if Dean will forgive him for lying...for losing their pup.   
  
Castiel doesn't even know if he'll ever see Dean again.   
  
"The thing barely even had a brain, Cas, fuck-"   
  
Castiel closed his eyes. He didn't care. It was the start of something. He wanted to keep it. Just the fact that he wasn't given a choice made him angry.  
  
Castiel was caught off guard by swift hand slapping across his already bruised cheek, leaving his nerve endings stinging. Castiel's eyes shot open as he let out a small cry. A hand came up to touch his cheek, blue eyes staring up, hurt.   
  
"You look at me when I'm talking to you." Alastair spat through clenched teeth. "This isn't some fucking soap opera, you cannot act like a drama queen. Not in this house." Castiel didn't notice that he had moved right next to him. Alastair's expression changed. He stared at Castiel pitifully. "Whatever's making you act like this, you gotta cut it out. Whether it's Dean, or your loss, I want you to forget it. We can start over." He moved closer. "Like we would have if your brother didn't take you away from me..."   
  
Castiel didn't look away. Alastair was scrutinizing him.   
  
"You are very pretty." Alastair murmured, his whole demeanor changing again. Castiel was confused. Alastair raised a hand, coming up to stroke through Castiel's hair, trailing down to his neck, resting over the bite. Castiel winced. "So pretty."   
  
Castiel held his breath, watching Alastair as he touched every part of Castiel's face and neck. He was mesmerized, captivated by Castiel's beauty even though he was beaten up badly. The wounds would heal, Castiel would get better. It wasn't like Castiel wouldn't be able to make pretty pups anymore.   
  
"I'm sorry for hurting you."   
  
 _He's lying._ Castiel thought. He always lied to get what he wanted.   
  
"I want to make up for it."   
  
Lie.  _He'll hurt you again._ He  _knows_ this.  
  
"I can make you feel better."   
  
Empty promise. _Make it stop_ _._  
  
"You're gonna love this."   
  
Castiel knew those words. He used them many times before. And every time, Castiel would fall all over again. He didn't know why. Those words were nothing special coming out of Alastair's mouth. Alastair just knew how to get him. The right touch, the right moment, the right words, and Castiel was enchanted.  
  
"You're gonna love me."   
  
Castiel leaned into Alastair's touch absentmindedly, unknowing that Alastair had leaned in to kiss him. When their lips touched, Castiel felt guilty. No, this wasn't right. He didn't belong to Alastair. Dean's his mate, his true mate, the one he was destined to be with. It felt wrong to betray him, to think of anyone else in the same way he thought of Dean. Alastair was a story from the past, pining to be a sequel. Castiel didn't want him. He didn't want to be part of the story anymore.   
  
But he couldn't pull away. Alastair held him in place, a hand knotting itself in Castiel's dark hair, pulling. He yanked Castiel's head back, exposing his neck. Without hesitation, Alastair began to sloppily suck and kiss, moaning at the same time. He bit into Castiel's neck, marking him for a second time. Castiel wailed, a hand reflexively coming up to grip Alastair's sleeve. Alastair took that as an invitation to continue.   
  
"W-we can't." He didn't want this.  
  
"Why not?" Alastair glowered, stopping. "It's not like you're incapacitated."   
  
"I can't move properly." Castiel mumbled. Any other excuse won't work.   
  
Alastair looked up at him, scrutinizing. "What's wrong with your mouth?"   
  
"N-nothing." Castiel said, innocently.  
  
Alastair's sinister smile sent unwanted shivers down Castiel's spine. "Then I don't see a problem." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Michael's empathetic nature...


	15. Unorthodox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relatively shorter chapter. Probably 1 more update this weekend...maybe...

Alastair had marked every part of Castiel's body.   
  
It didn't matter how much Castiel covered up. Bruises, cuts, and scars littered his body. Castiel stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, hating what he saw. He hated seeing his scars and remembering how he got them. It was a never-ending reminder of his past, one he cannot seem to escape.   
  
Castiel was thankful when Dean didn't acknowledge them. He remembered what it felt like when Dean touched them, tracing them with his fingertips. Dean had kissed him, promised he'd never hurt him, then held him for the rest of the night.   
  
Castiel wrapped his arms around himself, closing his eyes, pretending that it was Dean's arms and not his own.   
  
Then he remembered that he wasn't hugging anything; his arms wrapped around an empty vessel, a graveyard. He lost the one thing that had him motivated to keep going. Alastair promised that they could have a family. Castiel hadn't realized that Alastair didn't include the barely developed pup.   
  
Castiel forced himself not to feel that. He knew that if he did, he'd have a break down. There was no time for mourning or grieving. Alastair wouldn't care, would probably demand they he get over it. Castiel felt his heart squeeze. He had no one there to love him, no one left to turn to, nothing besides himself, a bathroom mirror, and his thoughts. He kept his eyes closed, despite the tears forming. He hated himself.   
  
Oh, how he hated himself.   
  
The mark Alastair had made on him had an odd sensation to it. It made his body itch, as if he wasn't meant to be in that body; like he was someone else. It was wrong. So, so wrong, and Castiel pleaded for Dean. He missed him. He missed Dean's voice, his touch, his aura. He missed everything they had together. They were true mates, they were meant to be together.   
  
He kept his arms wrapped around his torso, tightening his hold, trying to feel  _something_ other than pain. But he was scarred too deep, broken beyond repair, he didn't know what to do besides cry. Keeping to himself only helped for so long. Hiding wasn't an option. Refusing to cooperate will result in a beating.  
  
Castiel was trapped, and he felt suffocated.   
  
It was then when he automatically turned towards the toilet, dropping to his knees, and throwing up into the toilet. The constant heaving caused his stitches to stretch, inflicting pain on his stomach. Castiel kept his eyes closed, trying to push away the unwanted nausea. He threw up a second time.   
  
Castiel, still holding himself, stood up. He dropped his arms, opened his eyes, and blinked away the tears. For now, he'd have to put on a brave face.   
  
Alastair was going to be there soon.    
  
  
Castiel had fallen ill. Ill in the sense that his mind was being poisoned. By itself.   
  
It was only a matter of hours until Castiel retreated back to the bed, curling up in one of the corners. He couldn't stand being there, locked up like a caged bird. Castiel had tried opening the balcony doors despite the rainfall, but they were locked. Castiel should have known. Of course they'd lock it.   
  
Alastair probably thought that he'd jump from there.   
  
He was probably right.   
  
No one had come to check up on him. No one knew that he was ill. He hadn't even eaten since the previous day. The only think he had was tap water. He was sick, starving, bored, and alone. The anesthetics used to numb the pain had faded a long time ago. He felt every stitch, every cut, every bruise. He couldn't blink without it hurting. He couldn't breathe without wanting to cry. He couldn't even speak or move his lips because the muscles in his face were sore, the skin a sickly shade of purple.   
  
His hands were okay. He could move his fingers and his wrists without much pain. He considered himself blessed for that, as he could read his book without thinking about his actions too much.   
  
He could. But he didn't. Instead, he rested his head between his knees, closed his eyes, and remained quiet. He pretended that no one knew he was there, pretended that no one was out to get him. He tried to distract himself, made himself succumb to the darkest parts of his mind. He shuddered, ridding of the disgusting feeling that he couldn't seem to shake off.   
  
He didn't know how he was going to get out of this. Gabriel wasn't there - he probably didn't even know that he left.  
  
Castiel bit his lower lip. He was trouble. He had nothing. He was nothing.  
  
He was better off dead.    
  
  
Michael ended up checking on him later that afternoon. He brought food on a dinner tray, much to Castiel's delight. Castiel scarfed down the bread, potatoes, and chicken without a word. Michael watched him attentively, frowning. When he was done, he wordlessly began changing Castiel's bandages, cleaning all his wounds, and checking his vitals. He was unresponsive the entire time, staring at nothing in particular. He let Michael do whatever he needed to do.   
  
"How are you feeling, Castiel?" Michael asked, placing the dinner tray onto the bedside table.   
  
Castiel shrugged, eyes blank. "Numb."   
  
"I know-"  
  
"No, you really don't." Castiel retorted. "My baby's gone, my mate's gone." He said, bluntly. Michael was taken aback by his lack of emotion. "He's taken away everything from me."   
  
"Your mate-"  
  
"He'll find me." Castiel uttered, certain. "But he won't want me. He still thinks I'm pregnant."   
  
Michael didn't know what to say, how to assure Castiel that his mate will always want him despite everything that has happened. His self esteem was the lowest of the low.   
  
"You can't be serious." Michael doubtfully said, putting away the bandages, alcohol, and cotton balls.   
  
Michael wasn't prepared to hear Castiel's voice break.   
  
"I'm a burden to him. He deserves better."   
  
Michael didn't respond. He knew now that there was nothing he could say to make him feel better. Alastair has already taken every ounce of dignity, confidence, and self-respect away from Castiel.   
  
Michael brought it upon himself to find Dean.   
  
This-this was just inhumane. Unorthodox.  
  
When Michael left the bedroom, stored away the first aid kit, he went to one of the empty spare bedrooms. He took his phone out, scrolled down to his recent outgoing phone calls and looked for a number that was unregistered as a contact on his cell phone.   
  
When he was certain it was the right number, he dialed it.   
  
"Cas?"   
  
"No," Michael interjected. "this is Michael."   
  
  
Hours later, the physical symptoms began to show; lethargic behavior, drowsiness, and his - continuous - lack of appetite, worsened. Castiel was withering away in bed, shivering under the covers. It was eleven o'clock at night, and the storm had gotten stronger. Lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating the room for a mere second. Castiel felt nauseous. He hated storms. They were too loud, too unpredictable.   
  
At some point, and Castiel wasn't sure how long it had been since since the pain killers wore off, but he started gasping, unable to breathe on his own. He rolled onto his stomach, trying to push himself up, only to collapse back onto the bed, tears prickling his eyes.   
  
Coincidentally, someone entered the bedroom.   
  
"Castiel?"   
  
Castiel wheezed, tears freely falling from his face. He felt like his lungs were collapsing.   
  
"Fuck! Fuck, no!" Alastair growled, running to his side. He pulled Castiel upright. Castiel couldn't see anything with the darkness of the bedroom and blurriness of his eyes. "Shit,  _Michael!_ " Alastair began yelling.   
  
Castiel's throat felt thick, as if it were closing in on itself. His breaths were short, quick, and he began to feel lightheaded.   
  
" _Michael!_ " Alastair bellowed.   
  
Michael came running into the bedroom. "Wha-"  
  
"Why the _fuck_ weren't you looking after him?!" Alastair's anger made Castiel uncomfortable. He felt like passing out.  
  
"I-I-"  
  
"Help him!" Alastair held Castiel upright.  
  
"Okay, okay, get him to stand up," Michael ordered.  
  
"Are you fucking-"  
  
"Do you want him to live or not?" Michael challenged.  
  
Alastair glared at him, but did as he was told. "I swear to fucking god if this doesn't work I'll slaughter you."  
  
"I'm gonna need assistance, someone who can get me materials." Michael rushed, helping Castiel stand. Castiel fingers clawed at his sleeve, his head hung low. Michael held Castiel's head up with his other hand.  
  
"I'll get Azazel." Alastair ran out of the room, returning moments later with a large, alpha male. He had nearly translucent blue irises. Alastair helped Castiel stand upright, an arm wrapped around his waist.   
  
When Castiel looked up - when Castiel _smelled_ him - he stopped breathing altogether. He didn't need to see clearly to know who it was, he didn't even need to see the damn person. He just knew, and his body went completely limp.   
  
Castiel fell forward into Michael's hold, welcoming the dark void of unconsciousness.   
  
Alastair could barely contain his rage. "What did you do?!"   
  
Michael, caught between wanting to tell Alastair to shut up and saving Castiel, carried the poor omega and laid him on the bed. He laid him on his back, arms spread outward. He pressed his ear against Castiel's chest, all the while ignoring Alastair's verbal abuse. The man, Azazel, stood by, staring.   
  
Michael felt the slow rise and fall of Castiel's chest. "I think he's okay." Michael stated, standing up.   
  
He was met with the intense scowl worn by Alastair. "Then why the hell couldn't he breathe?"   
  
"He was probably having a panic attack."   
  
"Yeah, righ-"   
  
"It's a disorder." Michael cut him off. "Castiel had been diagnosed with it a long time ago. Or, at least, that's what I found out."   
  
"Were you not aware of this be...before-"   
  
"He was fine before!" Alastair snarled.   
  
"Then it must have started after..." Michael didn't finish. Alastair wasn't listening anyway. He was hovering over Castiel, inches away from his face.   
  
"That bastard probably did that to him." Alastair was certain. "They take him away from me, force him to mate with-with some prick, then fucking gets him pregnant."   
  
Michael backed away. Alastair was intently staring at Castiel's face, his yellow eyes never blinked. He brought a hand up to touch Castiel's cheek, though the gesture looked rough and unpracticed. The pad of his thumb grazed Castiel's bottom lip, and muttered curses under his breath.   
  
"Leave." Alastair ordered, tone firm. "I need to be alone with him." Michael turned. "Azazel? Come back in two hours."   
  
Azazel remained rigid and silent. Alastair glanced at him sideways.   
  
"I need to speak with you."   
  
  
It was Sam's turn to drive, Dean's turn to sleep, while Gabriel made phone calls. Dean was restless. He was fidgeting, unable to keep quiet, and his thoughts were scattered. His main focus - the only thing he could clearly think about - was his omega, all alone, scared, confused. It tore his heart in two, not having Castiel in his arms. He was worried sick, eyes tearing up every time he thought about what could have gone differently.   
  
And the baby, oh my god, the baby. Castiel  _needed_ Dean to be there. Dean needed to be with him, needed to watch over his mate, needed to protect his growing child. He was losing his mind, his reason for living.   
  
Dean's phone buzzed. He answered it without thought. "Cas?"   
  
"No." There was a gruff voice on the other end. "this is Michael."   
  
Dean's breathing hitched. "Where's Cas?"   
  
"He's safe." Michael responded.   
  
"I want to speak to him." Dean commanded.   
  
"I'm afraid I can't let you at the moment, Alast-"   
  
"Tell me that fucking bastard isn't with him right now." Dean tensed.   
  
"No, no. I just went in to check in on him. He's-he's not doing too well." Michael stammered. "He's disillusioned. He's speaking irrationally, he-"  
  
"The baby." Dean blurted, he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. "The pup, i-is it-"   
  
Michael found himself caught. "Look, I don't have enough time to speak." Michael said, instead. "You know who I am. You know what I am. Just get here as soon as you possibly can."   
  
"Mich-"  
  
"Soon. Alastair's planning something." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, so, uh, what'd you think?


	16. It's An Illness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoot me for not updating last weekend.

"Damn it!" Gabriel slammed the car door shut, pacing outside. It was sometime during the early morning hours and they had to gas up. Dean pumped the gas into the car while Sam went out to comfort Gabriel.   
  
"Hey, he'll be just fine. We can do this." Sam said, confidently.   
  
Gabriel shook his head violently, completely hopeless. "I've tried  _so_ hard to protect him from this shit. I told him this would happen - this is what happens when we don't move every year. I-I was telling him, he heard me. I told him, I said, I said-"   
  
Sam pulled Gabriel into a hug, closing his eyes, feeling Gabriel let go.   
  
"This is so fucking messed up. This, I can't." Gabriel mumbled, pulling away. "Oh god, I think I need to throw up." Gabriel turned and ran to the corner of the convenient store, vomiting onto the pavement. Sam stared sympathetically.   
  
"He doing okay?" Dean hollered, hooking the pump back to its place.   
  
Sam glanced at Dean dubiously. Dean ticked, nodding.   
  
It wasn't Gabriel's fault. He hadn't had the time to keep into contact with every single one of his associates. With moving so frequently, it was hard to keep track of who was on whose side. It was only a matter of time until Alastair managed to compromise all of Gabriel's contacts, managing to recruit them into his crew. Alastair bribed them, offered them a lifetime of luxury, even though he wouldn't give it to them. They still stayed, still remained loyal even though they weren't given what they were promised. They knew well that if they tried to run, tried to escape, Alastair would have them killed. He would have killed them with his bare hands.   
  
Gabriel had no one left to turn to, no one left to aid in the return of his brother, no one left who understood the circumstances and the risks. Except for one.   
  
Gabriel, still hunched over, reached for his cell phone. He was gasping for air, ignoring Sam's attempts at helping him. Once the phone was in his hand, he scrolled through his contacts list, finger hovering over the contact's name. Blinking hard, with the last little shred of faith in him, he dialed the number.   
  
There was a long pause before the dial tone was heard. And then, it stopped. A brief moment of suspense clung in the air like the scent of water after a rainfall.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Michael."   
  
  
Castiel lay motionless on the bed, sweat beading his forehead. He was cold, though. His skin was a sickly shade of grey, and the yearn for Dean had long but faded. It left Castiel feeling disarrayed, confused, and helpless. He felt like a hollowed shell, nothing inside, just used for show. He was delicate, touch him and he breaks. With his head lolled to the side, arms spread out, mocking wings of a bird, dulled blue eyes fixating on Alastair's yellow ones, he had no energy to breathe on his own. It had been a few hours since he had become ill, and it seemed like he only had a few hours left.   
  
Alastair had prohibited anyone but him from entering Castiel's bedroom, even Michael. He was laying down next to Castiel, fingers following the dark blue veins on Castiel's forearms. Castiel watched lifelessly, apathetically.   
  
"Don't die." Alastair's voice was stern, like he was giving an order. "I need you."   
  
Castiel couldn't even form proper thoughts. The bite on his neck was the only thing keeping him awake; it burned, like it was toxic to his body. Castiel knew why that was. Michael knew why that was. Alastair was knowledgeable about it, but refused to believe it. Castiel was his property. He marked his territory. Therefore, Castiel was his.   
  
"Tell me what you need." Alastair pleaded, his tone taking a gentler edge.   
  
Slowly, Castiel parted his lips, and blinked. "Dean."   
  
Alastair's yellow eyes glassed over, as though the name sparked fury instantaneously. He slapped Castiel's face, absentminded to his own actions. Tears formed in Castiel's eyes. The slap was sharp, it stung. And then his whole body stung.   
  
"If you love me," Castiel began, rephrasing. "then you'll get him to fix me."   
  
Alastair's nostrils flared. He was not fond of ultimatums.   
  
"If you do this, I-I promise to be with you. Forever. I just need to see him one last time. I have to break the bond." Castiel felt his throat tighten.   
  
Alastair's fingers curled into his fists.  
  
"I love you, Alastair." The words were acid in Castiel's mouth. "You're the only one I could ever be with."   
  
  
The forgotten letter weighed heavily in Gabriel's jacket pocket. He wished he hadn't found it, wished he'd just ignored Castiel's messy desk and leave. This wasn't something he could ignore now. Under their current situation, no one was safe. Especially not Castiel.   
  
"Michael." Gabriel breathed. "I-it's Gabriel."   
  
"Gabe?" Michael repeated. "Jesus."   
  
"Hey," Gabriel chuckled, nervously.   
  
"I don't know how to tell you this, man-"  
  
"Alastair has Cas." Gabriel stated. "I-I know. And I know you're there, I just wanted-"   
  
"Look, after what you did-"  
  
"I did what I had to do to survive." Gabriel was quick to defend. "We both had to."   
  
Gabriel listened to Michael sigh. He could feel him shaking his head. "'Sometimes we have to leave those we love to survive in order to save ourselves.'" Michael quoted. It panged Gabriel's heart.   
  
"I'm sorry." Gabriel said. "I didn't mean to hurt you."   
  
"Doesn't matter." Michael said, too quickly. "Doesn't seem like Castiel remembers me. Guess you really did push me out of your life."   
  
"Michael-"  
  
"I'll help get your brother outta here." Michael said. "Wasn't that always the plan?"   
  
When the line went dead, Gabriel rested his head against the wet, grimy brick wall of the convenient store. The letter was now like a cement ball chained around his ankle. He panted, feeling the next round of stomach sickness make its way.   
  
"Tell Dean I have confirmation on Michael. I-it's not a trick." Gabriel informed.   
  
Sam nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. "Okay."   
  
Sam trotted his way back to Dean, unfocused, staring at the ground. Michael. Who was Michael, really? Who was he to Gabriel? They obviously know each other from previous encounters. Were they close? Were they related? Sam looked up at Dean, almost forgetting what he came up to him for.   
  
"Sammy." Dean said, more so as a statement rather than a greeting.   
  
"Hey," Sam mumbled. "Gabe said Michael's legit."   
  
Dean nodded, hand resting on the roof of the car. "He sure?"   
  
"Yeah." Sam ran a hand through his hair. "Pretty sure."   
  
Dean curled his hand into a fist, playfully thumping on the roof. "Okay." He accepted. "Okay. Let's go."   
  
"You okay, Dean?" Sam frowned.  
  
Dean smiled, it looked weary, slightly uncharacteristic. "Yeah, no, I'm good. I'm good."   
  
Sam watched as Dean got back into the car, Gabe hobbling back. Sam got into the back seat, watched Dean's sullen expression through mirrors as they took off.   
  
Only one hundred and ten miles to go.   
  
  
Alastair was rough, rough enough to make Castiel whimper, but not enough to make him bleed. He had Castiel laying on his back, his head tucked into the crook of Castiel's neck, lips parted as he breathed hot breaths against his neck. He fucked, grunting, groaning, completely enamored by how hot, how obedient, how fucking  _tight_   Castiel was around him. He was also so god damn thankful that Castiel was flexible.  
  
A thin sheen of sweat layered their skins, the room was hot - too hot - and Castiel wished he was asleep or drugged. Alastair was too big now, much too big to fit him. With every thrust, a sharp shock shot up his spine, creating low whines deep within his chest.   
  
"Oh, fuck," Alastair groaned, nipping at Castiel's jaw. "my baby. Mine."   
  
Castiel cringed, straining away. "Please."   
  
"Tha-that's-" Alastair bit down on Castiel's neck, ruining him again. "Fuck!" He was rutting, it was no longer senseless. Castiel could feel himself being torn, being split to the point where his vision started to get spotty, started to blur. He felt weak, stomach churning, unable to breathe. It was wrong. He felt so wrong. This was wrong and he wanted to scream.   
  
But Alastair had a hand clamped over his mouth.   
  
For some reason, Alastair pulled him even closer. Their abdomens were touching, Alastair's lips were pressed against Castiel's collar bone, he brought a hand up and gently stroked the back of Castiel's neck. Castiel moaned involuntarily.   
  
"I'm gonna breed you. My perfect omega. So good, so good." Alastair sounded desperate. "Always so perfect. Just for me. Beautiful, beautiful..."   
  
Castiel blocked out his voice, focusing on himself. His arms lay limply by his sides, his legs were spread, but he tried not to concentrate on the fact he was being abused. Tears sprung to his eyes. His nightmare was never ending. He was so tired. He just wanted to curl up, wanted to kiss Dean one last time, and maybe fall asleep forever. He wanted Dean back. He wanted his baby back. He wanted his life back.   
  
"Don't cry." Alastair growled into his ear.   
  
Castiel pouted against Alastair's hand, a low whimper emitting from his lips. He submitted.   
  
"Don't you fucking cry." Alastair warned, putting more pressure against Castiel's mouth. But Castiel didn't know what to do. The tears fell and Castiel watched as Alastair's eyes darkened. Alastair raised his hand and slapped the omega. He pulled away from him. "You always have to ruin everything? Can't even let me finish, can you?"   
  
"I-I'm sorry." Castiel whined, choking.   
  
"So fucking useless." Alastair muttered. "I was patient. I waited until you healed. And you go ahead and ruin it for me. Selfish."   
  
"I didn't meant to." Castiel said, reaching up to touch Alastair with trembling fingers. Alastair slapped him away. Castiel looked genuinely hurt. "Don't you love me anymore?"   
  
Guilt. Alastair always fell for it. Castiel was good at guild tripping. It's how he had managed to survive with Alastair for so long.  
  
Alastair scrutinized him, yellow eyes critical. He didn't move, didn't twitch. He stood completely still. Castiel sniffled, eyebrows curved upwards. His bright blue eyes were red, puffy, and watery. He felt so sick, over emotional, unbalanced. His mind was whirling with questions, random thoughts, and the inability to fully comprehend how severe his physical state was in.   
  
"I'm supposed to have your babies." Castiel persisted, fear infiltrating his senses. "Please don't hurt me."   
  
As if that were a trigger, Alastair's expression fell. He brought his hands up to Castiel's face, cradling him. Castiel winced on contact. He closed his eyes, waiting for Alastair to squeeze, but he never did.   
  
"My poor baby." Alastair looked confused as he leaned in to kiss Castiel. "I hurt you. I-I hurt you."   
  
"It's okay."   
  
Alastair looked disoriented. "It's not. It's not. Its-" He drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes. "let me get Michael. Or Azazel. I just-I-"   
  
"Not Azazel." Castiel pleaded.   
  
Alastair frowned. "Castiel-"  
  
"Please." Castiel shivered, just thinking about what would happen if he were left in the bedroom alone with Azazel.   
  
Stunningly, Alastair didn't question, but he was suspicious. He nodded once. "Okay."   
  
When Alastair left, Castiel realized why he used to love him. Alastair was a confused, lost man. He was smart, but oblivious to the simplest things. He would know something was wrong, but he would never investigate it willingly. He'd let it happen. Castiel never understood why. And it dawned on him that he might never understand. Alastair had a compassionate side, one that had a guilt conscience. But Alastair had a sinister side, a side that belonged to the psychopathic part of his mind. That sadistic side of his mind usually wins, but there was always the rare occasion when Castiel would see Alastair's caring nature. That's why Castiel fell in love with him in the first place; he was a lost soul, one that was in desperate need of a companion.  
  
When rumors started going around that Castiel and Alastair were unofficially dating, and Gabriel and Castiel heard some nasty things being said about Alastair. Heard things from unreliable sources, things like Alastair going through anger management courses, psychological evaluations, therapy. Then Gabriel's friends - Tessa, Ruby, Jess, Jo, Kevin, Lisa - began saying things like he'd been arrested multiple times for domestic abuse, harassment, and drug charges. He was never given any sentences, given that he knew people in the police force. According the Ruby, he killed his last boyfriend.   
  
At the time, Castiel didn't care about that. He fell in love, he didn't care. He loved being swept off his feet, being showered with compliments, fucked until he couldn't stand. And then, Castiel threatened to leave. Castiel wanted to officially date. He wanted to meet some of Alastair's friends instead of always hiding away together. They had a disclosed relationship. No one really knew what happened between them besides Gabriel. Anything anyone else said is just a rumor.   
  
Alastair didn't want to commit. He didn't want the stress that came along with a real relationship. He didn't want to meet Castiel's parents, didn't want to meet any of his friends. He wanted Castiel, only Castiel.   
  
He wanted to fuck him, keep him to himself. And when things started going downhill, when Castiel's parents started noticing Castiel's dejected behavior, they stepped in.   
  
And Alastair lost his temper. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all are liking it so far. ;)


	17. Timing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry for the lack of updates. Getting ready for the holidays, so I'm a bit busy.

_~~Alastair,~~                                                            ~~  
  
I love you.~~           ~~I love you.~~           ~~I love you.~~    ~~  
  
~~~~I love you.~~               ~~I love you. I love you.~~     _  
 _~~  
~~~~I love you.~~                                           ~~  
  
~~ ~~I still love you.~~   ~~I don't know how to stop.~~    _                                                                                          
  
Gabriel folded the letter, the creases were now worn, on the verge of tearing the paper. He read the words over dozens of times. He just couldn't believe his baby brother would write those words. Why did he cross them out? Why didn't he throw it away? Why was it laying on top of everything on his desk? Why did he feel the need to write those words out on a piece of paper?   
  
"Dean?" Sam sounded mildly concerned.   
  
Dean was breathing heavily, sweat beading on his forehead. He had fallen asleep a few miles back, dreams immediately taking control of his unconscious mind. Vile, displeasing dreams. Dreams that should be called nightmares but because Castiel starred in them, Dean considered himself blessed. Seeing his face, even if it were just a reconstruction in his mind, gave him a sense of relief. His pregnant omega was staring at nothing, tears pooling in his eyes. Dean felt himself reach out to him, trying to pull him into a hug. His fingers touched air, touched an illusion.   
  
He couldn't feel anything. He could only see his fingers shaking in the place where Castiel should be. Castiel wasn't there anymore. He was gone, leaving Dean completely in the dark. Dean could hear him; the cry of his voice, his name being shouted. He turned, he looked around him, panic striking his heart. His heart rate spiked, and he could feel himself lose control.   
  
"Cas!" He screamed. "Cas!"   
  
"Dean!" Sam yelled, waking him up. Dean shot upright, feeling clammy and perplexed.   
  
"Cas...he..."   
  
From the rear view mirror, Sam glanced at Dean pitifully. Dean looked out the window, swallowing, wiping the sweat from his forehead. Gabriel cringed.   
  
Dean cleared his throat. "How far?" He asked, voice broken.   
  
"Ten miles." Sam replied.   
  
Dean nodded. "Okay. I'll be honest...I-I don't know how much longer I can go without him."   
  
Sam glanced at the side view mirror. "We'll be there soon, Dean." He promised.   
  
  
Castiel was naked, still in bed. Alastair left hours ago. Castiel was restless. He could still feel Alastair's hands all over his body, imprinting themselves on his hips. He could feel Alastair's teeth digging into his neck, marking him for the umpteenth time. He felt like a corpse.   
  
He could cry, but it wouldn't make him feel any better. Crying got him into trouble anyway.   
  
When his bedroom door opened, he thought it was Alastair coming back for round two.   
  
"Omega." The gruff voice was laced with lust. Castiel shivered. "Mmm, he got you all prepared for me, didn't he?"   
  
"No." Castiel whimpered. "Please." Castiel closed his eyes, the sour scent of the aroused alpha was strong. Familiar.   
  
The alpha's hot, clothed body hovered over Castiel, making him feel small. He rubbed his nose alongside Castiel's cheek, his tongue peeking out to lick him. "I get hard just thinking of you...thinking of how fucking gorgeous you'd look stuffed full of my pups." He rubbed his hardened cock against Castiel's thigh. "How the fuck did Alastair manage to get you?" He whispered. "Shit, I should just kill Alastair and keep you all to myself."   
  
"A-Azazel-"   
  
"Shh," Azazel shushed, flipping Castiel onto his back. Castiel felt his stitches come undone, but he didn't dare say a word. "I'm gonna breed you real good. Love that, wouldn't you? Hanging off an alpha's knot? It's where you belong, ain't it? Open your eyes!"   
  
Castiel did as he was told. He had no more fight left in him.   
  
"You're so fucking gorgeous." He nearly growled, lunging for Castiel's bruised neck. His hand went to grip Castiel's soft cock. "Mine. Mine. All mine."   
  
A loud thud stopped Azazel and he jumped off Castiel almost instantly. Castiel froze.   
  
"What the  _fuck_?" Lucifer snarled, charging into the room. Azazel tried to run around him, only to be pushed back. "The fuck were you going to do?" Lucifer demanded. "Rape him?"   
  
"Come on!" Azazel retaliated. "Don't tell me you wouldn't fuck him if you had the chance!"   
  
"I wouldn't!" Lucifer reciprocated.   
  
Azazel glowered, darting his eyes over at Castiel, who was silently weeping. He scoffed, unimpressed. "Don't see what else he's good for."   
  
  
It was a dark place. Destructive. Damaging. Overwhelming. The weight of the world was weighing down on his shoulders, crushing him. He wanted to kill himself. The relief of slicing through skin, seeing the red ooze from the cuts. At least then, he knew his suffering would be over soon.   
  
But Castiel would never do that. He would never do that to Dean. Hurting him was worse than anything else that Alastair, Azazel, or the rest of the world could inflict upon him. Dean was everything. Everything; the air, his heart, his whole being. He wouldn't do this, any of it, if it weren't for Dean. Dean was worth living for. He was worth every single punch, every other form of abuse. Nothing else needed to matter.   
  
Only Dean. It was  _always_ Dean.   
  
 _You don't deserve him._  
  
"I don't." Castiel slurred, agreeing.   
  
 _Whore. You still love me. You always did. Why lie to yourself?  
  
_ "I-I don't. Not you!" Castiel stuttered, suddenly doubting himself.  
  
 _Can't even get me out of your head._  
  
"I don't. No, no, no. I don't. I don't! I-stop. Stop!" He covered his ears, trying to escape the high pitched ringing. "Stop! I don't! I don-"   
  
 _Manipulated Dean, didn't you?_  
  
"I didn't." Castiel shook his head. "I love Dean! I'd never. I'd never."   
  
 _You were so good at distracting him.  
  
_ "Dean's good for me! H-he's out there! He's looking for me!"   
  
 _Fake true mate. He got you pregnant. Bet he's not even trying to look for you._  
  
"He is! He is!" And suddenly Castiel's nails were scratching his face so hard to the point where he peeled off skin.  
  
 _Hurt yourself. He doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve him._    
  
Hands pushed him down on the bed. When did he get up? Michael pinned his wrists down, Lucifer rushing to the other side of the bed, the side Castiel was facing. He reached out to touch Castiel's face before he realized he was bleeding. Lucifer's mouth moved, Michael's mouth moved, but no words came out. Crazy. He was going crazy.   
  
He threw up. There was nothing in his stomach besides bile. It burned his throat, it smelt horrible, but the nausea was intense. He kept throwing up bile, blood dripping down his face and into his stomach's now exposed contents.   
  
He collapsed onto the bed, hyperventilating. His pupils were dilated. Castiel didn't notice Michael holding a syringe until he felt a sharp pinch in his neck. While Michael emptied the drugs from the needle and into Castiel's system, he looked up at Michael.   
  
"You're okay." Michael said. "You're okay."   
  
He fell unconscious quickly. Eyes shut, tears mixed in with the blood, streaming down his cheeks.   
  
He was getting worse.   
  
When Castiel's limbs went limp, when his breathing slowed to a consistent pace, Michael heaved out a deep sigh. "He's going to need a psych eval. This-this isn't healthy."   
  
"This is insane, Michael. He's damaged. He was torn away from his mate, stabbed, raped..." Lucifer shivered, remembering what he saw. He had told Michael, and made him swear to keep it a secret. They even had to clean up after Michael consensually induced Castiel into unconsciousness, in fear of the poor omega being beaten once again.  "and he lost his pup." Lucifer was completely at loss of what to think. "He's had his whole world taken away from him."   
  
"Lucky we're here." Michael said.   
  
"Damn straight." Lucifer sighed. "Here." He tossed the first aid kit. "They're not gonna be happy when they see what he's done to his face."   
  
  
Subconsciously, Castiel could feel their mate bond weakening. They've been apart for far too long and it was only a matter of time before they both start to develop multiple illnesses leading to their deaths. The omega would die first, and then the alpha. The crippling pain of the loss of their true mate would be the cause of the alpha's death. It would be too much for them to bear, and their hearts wouldn't be able to handle the emotional pressure put upon them. In most common cases, alphas died due to heartbreak.   
  
Castiel didn't quite understand why he wasn't dead yet. He should have been beaten to death for 'cheating' on Alastair. He should have died alongside his barely developed pup when he was stabbed. But that wasn't what Alastair wanted. No, Alastair wanted Castiel all to himself. He wanted him because he was too perfect for his own good. In Alastair's eyes, Castiel was the only one good enough for him. He had never done anything to doubt loyalty. Until now.   
  
Castiel dreamed a lot about the mental institution. In his dreams, he was even remembering what he thought about; Alastair. In the institution, all he could think about was how unfair everything was. Why couldn't his parents understand that he was in love? He wasn't lying. He wasn't making anything up. He wasn't crazy. It was all Alastair. He tricked them. He tricked Castiel in the process, too.   
  
But even now, Castiel didn't want to disappoint Alastair. He was weak. He needed an alpha. He needed someone he knew, someone he recognized. Castiel wanted Alastair to genuinely love him. He didn't want to be some sex toy that Alastair got tired of after a few months, because that was bound to happen.   
  
Castiel still refused to think or admit that Alastair ever cheated on him when there was evidence proving otherwise.   
  
Because Alastair always came back to him. Alastair convinced him that they were true mates, even though Castiel knew they weren't. He went along with it, pretended because he was so in love. He wanted to have his pups, wanted to start a family. He wanted everything he knew he couldn't have and yet that didn't stop him. Castiel was certain that if it weren't for his parents, he would have let Alastair marry him.   
  
But he knew he'd probably be dead within the first year.   
  
Castiel didn't know why Alastair couldn't love him properly. Certainly hurting your mate shouldn't even cross your mind, but with Alastair, it happened. It always happened. Castiel remembered a vivid memory of Alastair slapping Castiel's cheek so hard that he made him bleed. Castiel remembered staggering, crying, begging for forgiveness even though he did absolutely nothing wrong. Castiel wanted a happily ever after. And Alastair couldn't and wouldn't give it to him. He strung him along.   
  
Castiel would forever be Alastair's property. So long as he remained an obedient, pretty, fuckable little omega - which were Alastair's standards - no one else could have him.  
  
"Michael!" Alastair's voice was like thunder. "Did you call the Winchester?"   
  
"Dean Winchester? Yes, sir." Michael said, entering the 'living room'. Alphas and betas were drowning themselves in alcohol, talking loudly, laughing even louder. "He will call upon arrival."   
  
Alastair silently acknowledged him. "And Castiel? Is he alright?"  
  
Michael nodded.  
  
"Good." Alastair sighed. "We can't have Castiel dying." Alastair turned towards the kitchen.   
  
"No," Michael spun around, walking back into the hallway. "we certainly can not."   
  
Michael retreated back to the omega's room, unable to stray away. He had to look after him until Gabriel, Dean, and Sam arrived. He wasn't sure how they were going to approach, and he probably should have warned them beforehand, but Gabriel was smart. He knew what to expect.   
  
Lucifer was still in the room. He had wrapped up in two layers of blankets. He stared out the sliding glass door; the storm was finally settling down. They hadn't been even paying much attention to the fact that maybe the roads were flooded, not that they were allowed to leave without some sort of reason. The sky was still extremely dark and it felt like it was going to stay that way. Lucifer looked back at Castiel.  
  
Michael closed the door behind him, leaning against it. "Something special, isn't he?"   
  
"With the trouble that we're all going through? He must be something alright." Lucifer agreed.   
  
"Well," Michael folded his arms. "omegas  _are_ rare. They submit easily under the voice of an alpha. Alastair gets off on non-consensual dominance."   
  
"It's sick." Lucifer grimaced.    
  
They stared at the omega in silence for a few moments before Michael frowned, pushing himself off the door. He walked over to the omega, kneeling next to the bed.   
  
"What's wrong?" Lucifer queried.   
  
"Did he move while I was away?" Michael pressed his index fingers and middle finger against the softest part of Castiel's neck.   
  
"Like tossing and turning? No." Lucifer frowned, too. "Why?"   
  
"His heart rate's slowing. Rapidly, at that." Michael stood up, eyes widening in grave fear. "He might be dying."   
  
"I'm calling Gabriel." Lucifer stood up. Michael gave him his cell phone. Lucifer dialed the number. Half a ring later, Gabriel answered.   
  
"Where are you?" Lucifer didn't greet.   
  
"We're here." Gabriel sounded meek, uncertain.   
  
"Ring the buzzer. We'll meet you up front." Lucifer hung up. Michael watched his brother turn for the door.   
  
"Hurry, Luce." Michael urged. "Tell Alastair."   
  
Lucifer nodded once before running out the door.   
  
Time is a valuable thing. 


	18. Empty Voids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays! Sorry it took me so long to get this to you all.

When the buzzer sounded, the metal gates slid to the sides, allowing entrance to the three unannounced guests. Sam drove cautiously into the driveway, mind alert to his surroundings. At this point, Dean could practically feel Castiel's aura. The pull to feel him, to be close to him, was the strongest it has ever been. Nearly a week without each other, and everything's to the pits. Gabriel looked at his phone, waiting for a phone call. When it rang no more than a dozen seconds later, he answered it immediately.  
  
"Michael?" Gabriel asked. Sam looked at him sideways.  
  
"Be quiet, don't greet, don't say a word until you see me. Alastair and his crew members will be the first ones you see. Don't speak unless spoken to, alright?"  
  
Gabriel swallowed. "Yeah, yeah okay."  
  
"Good. See you soon. And please hurry."  
  
Sam pulled up in front of the ravenous house. It was massive; brick walls, multiple balconies, wide windows. But everything seemed dark as if there were no life living inside it. The landscaping seemed to be well taken care of. Tall willow trees marked the corners of the yard, rocks, flowers, plants - all of them were well kept and carefully placed. It was the perfect place to hideout if need be.  
  
Before any of them could get out of the car, the white double doors flew open and out came a man with yellow eyes, wispy hair, and a cocky expression. He was well built, tall, but no taller than Gabriel. He was being flanked by two men, one of which had the oddest colored eyes; a translucent blue. Gabriel knew who they were, and he was seething with anger. Sam put a hand on his shoulder, wordlessly trying to remind him that they were supposed to remain calm. Once they all stepped out of the car, the tension in the air could be felt.  
  
Alastair wasted no time. "Follow me." He uttered.  
  
Stepping foot into the house felt like stepping into a trap. There were dozens of alpha and beta males in every corridor, every room. Most of which were situated in a large living space. They all stared with a hungry look in their eyes. Gabriel recognized each and every one of Alastair's accomplices. They used to be scattered across the United States, earning Alastair an advantage wherever Gabriel used to take Castiel.  
  
When Alastair stopped in front of a closed door, Dean knew. He could practically  _feel_ his omega and it was nearly unbearable.   
   
"He's in there." Alastair said. "As for the two of you," He turned to Sam and Gabriel. "you will wait in the living room."   
  
Gabriel and Sam shot Dean a worried glance, but Dean nodded in reassurance.   
  
Alastair knocked on the door. "Michael, out!"   
  
Three footsteps could be heard, a twist of the doorknob, and out sprung a short beta male with a stressed look on his face. Another man followed, a man with blond hair and an alpha feel.   
  
"You need to get in there right now." The shorter one said. He ignored Alastair's hard glare. "Now!" He pushed Dean into the bedroom, closing the door behind them.   
  
Dean's legs were locked when he was suddenly being engulfed by the sweet scent of the omega he loved. Laying limply on the bed was the frail, skinny looking omega. He was shivering, the blankets were thrown off. His eyes were closed, but even Dean could tell that it wasn't because he was fatigued. Dean's heart felt like it stopped, like it was removed and stomped on. His whole being ached, cried at the sight of his omega. His omega in pain.   
  
Castiel was dying.   
  
Panicked, Dean ran to him, tears already in his eyes before he even took his first step.   
  
"Cas?" Dean's voice shook as he scooped his omega up into his arms. He took one of Castiel's hands into his, flinching at how cold he was. "Baby, I'm here. I'm here. Can you open your eyes? Please look at me."   
  
Castiel's head lolled. His breathing was shallow, his face looked hallowed out and grey. The grey colored skin didn't mask the dark purple bruises all over his face. For the first time in what felt like a long time, Dean softly kissed his cheek. Castiel tried to open his eyes. And when he did, Dean nearly choked. There was no blue, it was dulled. Everything about him was grey now.   
  
"C-can you see me?" Dean has never felt so at loss in his entire life. "Say something, baby. Think about our-our baby, what about our-"   
  
Dean froze, a cold tingle shot down his spine. Castiel's fingers twitched. A feeling of wretchedness and intense unease settled into his stomach. Carefully laying Castiel back down onto the bed, he raised his omega's shirt to reveal bloody stitches across his abdomen. His fingers trembled as he lightly touched Castiel's shivering body. He sniffed his omega, trying to find any trace of their pup but was met with a scent that didn't even belong to Castiel, a scent that he vaguely remembered.   
  
"No..." He whispered, looking up at Castiel, whom closed his eyes again. "no...no, no!" Dean was sobbing, screaming. "Cas..." He whimpered, reaching up to touch Castiel's face. That didn't matter right now. Only Castiel mattered. He has to come first.   
  
Dean laid down next to his omega, curling around him all the while stroking Castiel's cheek and neck. "I-it's okay." Dean's promise was empty. In a smaller voice, he continued, "Please don't leave me. Please," He took in a deep breath. "I can't live without you. I-I can't. You'll be okay, I promise. You'll-you'll be fine, right? We'll be together again. We can go away, we can go somewhere nice, yeah? We can get far away from here. We can leave the country if you wanted to." Dean hiccuped, throat soar from crying. "Do you wanna do that? Cas?"   
  
Castiel was no longer responsive.   
  
"Cas?" Dean called out again, trying to hide the blatant panic in his voice. He began kissing his omega's face; lips, nose, cheeks, forehead. "Wake up." He whispered, pleadingly. "Wake up, please? I miss you. Open your eyes again, I want to see your eyes."   
  
Slowly, Castiel stopped breathing.   
  
"Cas?" Dean sounded so panicked, innocent, like a lost child. "Cas, baby?" He nudged him with his nose, pressing it against Castiel's cheek. "Don't do this."   
  
When it dawned on him that Castiel wasn't going to respond, wasn't going to breathe, he started screaming. "No! No, you can't leave me! Not like this!" He began quivering. "I love you! Wake up!"   
  
He kissed Castiel's lips once more, continuing down to his neck. Castiel's scent was faded, but Dean could smell that it had been tainted. Someone else claimed him. In a sudden fit of anger, he bit Castiel's neck, licking the blood that began to seep. He was whimpering, crying into Castiel's neck. Dean looked up at his omega, still sobbing. He refused to believe that he will lose Castiel easily. This wasn't how it was supposed to end.  
  
His heart was broken, he lost the one person he was destined to be with, he lost his pup; their life was as fragile as glass and it was being shattered.   
  
"Castiel, I'm so sorry." Dean cried, pulling Castiel's body close to him. He was trembling, feeling the loss. His heart hurt more than words can describe; holding his lifeless omega made him want to tear the world apart because they barely had enough time to love each other. Dean just wanted to love him. He wanted Castiel to know that.   
  
"Dean." A soft voice called out from the doorway. Dean didn't turn to look. He kept rocking, pulling Castiel into his arms, staring at him through the tears in his eyes. "Let him go."   
  
The thought of leaving Castiel both angered and confused him. He held on tightly to the one thing that finally made him feel like he had purpose. He buried his face into the crook of Castiel's neck, no longer feeling or hearing the light thud of his heartbeat. "I love you so much." He barely said.   
  
"Dean." Sam shook Dean's shoulder while Michael tried prying Castiel from his arms.   
  
"No." Dean warned, still rocking Castiel.   
  
"He has to lay down." Michael said.  
  
Dean's face screwed up into one of agony. "Help him. Don't let him die." It hurt to say it aloud. "Please, Michael. I know him; he can't die thinking that he deserved this." Dean's eyes filled with more tears. "He didn't deserve this. My baby doesn't deserve this. Our pup..." He looked up at them helplessly, arms suddenly feeling too weak. "I can't lose him. It'll hurt too much."  
  
Michael stared sympathetically. It was inevitable. Once the omega dies, it won't be long after until the alpha dies, too. True mates are a dangerous thing. The pair become weak without each other. They become dependent, no longer capable of doing anything without each other. Their biological bond shifts once either of them is marked by the other. If someone else were to mark an already mated omega or alpha, their blood will no longer be able to change; the bite of anyone other than the mate of the omega or alpha will be perceived as toxic - as it is not compatible to the already mated victim - by the body, resembling poison.   
  
That's how they die.   
  
  
Gabriel tore Castiel's letter into shreds in a fit of rage and frustration. He could feel his eyes swell as he forced himself not to cry. He was two rooms over and he could still hear Dean's screams. It was like watching your house burn down, forgetting that you left your pet behind. It was the worse possible thing to listen to. Gabriel didn't have to be there to know why he was screaming. He didn't have to ask Alastair or Michael or Lucifer. He just knew.   
  
As he collapsed onto the floor, silent sobs wracked through his body. He failed his brother. He failed himself. He had one thing to live for and he managed to fuck it all up. They should have never settled down. They should have kept moving, kept to themselves, changed identities. Gabriel's hands were balled into fists, his nails digging into his palms, cutting into his skin.   
  
He didn't notice, but Sam was on the floor next to him, his arms wrapped around his shoulders. Gabriel shuddered, little sobs escaping his lips as Sam tried his best to comfort. Sam bit down on his lower lip - those were his brother's screams, his brother's cries. Those were the sounds that Sam recognized as loss and pain. He could only imagine what Dean must look like; green eyes swollen, turning red, teary, raw. Wet cheeks, lips parted, crying out to a God that Dean knows doesn't exist. Sam knew that his brother was probably holding Castiel. When Dean cries, he needs to be held. He needs some sort of contact, otherwise he'll fall apart.   
  
But Sam was holding Gabriel, trying to keep him from coming undone.   
  
"No..." Gabriel's voice wasn't even audible, it wasn't a whisper. It was a silent cry, one that didn't matter whether or not he said it aloud.   
  
"I'm sorry." Sam told him, lower lip trembling. "Gabe."   
  
Gabriel turned in his arms, pressing his forehead against Sam's chest. His body's tremors worsened as his sobs grew audible. Tears began to dampen Sam's shirt. Sam's hold tightened.   
  
"Sam." Gabriel mumbled, reaching up to tug at Sam's shirt. He pushed himself away, just slightly, enough to look up at Sam. Sam's heart broke at the sight. "Kiss me, please."   
  
Sam's heart lurched. He stared at him skeptically. "I thought you and Michael were-"   
  
"No." Gabriel shook his head. "I need you right now."   
  
Sam sighed, brows furrowing, contemplating. "Gabe-"  
  
"Please." Gabriel's finger slipped underneath Sam's shirt, touching his stomach. Sam's breathing hitched. "Sam."   
  
Groaning in defeat, Sam pulled Gabriel close to his chest, arms moving down to his waist, holding him there. Gabriel's eyes were already closed, and Sam leaned in. He can't deny Gabriel this, not now. He pictured their first kiss differently, happening during a happy moment spontaneously. In any other circumstance, Sam would have asked Gabriel if it was okay to wait it out, because he wanted it to be right. But now, because Gabriel was broken, because Gabriel's brother is laying dead in the other room, because Sam is so incredibly, undeniably in love with him, he kissed him.   
  
He kissed him with as much passion as he would in his picture perfect fantasy. His lips moved rhythmically with Gabriel's, slowly. He brought up a hand to caress Gabriel's cheek, his thumb touching tears. And at that point, Sam pulled away first, opened his eyes first.   
  
Gabriel was looking right at Sam when he opened his own, new tears spilling over. "Thank you."   
  
He leaned into Sam's embrace, tucking his head under Sam's chin.   
  
At that moment, Sam knew just how broken he really was. 


	19. Proximity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> High levels of fluff here and over-protectiveness and whatnot thanks to Dean.

Dean felt numb...not that that was a new sensation to him. He grew accustomed to feeling nothing, in his heart, or against his fingertips. But this, this was a new type of numb. This felt like it was devouring him from the inside. He could feel this numbness. He could feel himself disappearing piece by piece, like a black hole had formed where his heart had once been. It didn't even terrify him.

He stared at the door on the outside of the room Castiel was in. Michael was in there, hooking him up to wires, tubes, and multiple machines. He said he was going to do whatever he could to try and help Castiel, but even he failed to hide the hopelessness in his voice.

Alastair stared at Dean from the end of the wall, arms crossed, blood boiling. Azazel flanked him, a sinister smile on his face. Dean glanced over at the two of them, glaring. There was no energy left to fight either of them.

But still, the angry vibration underneath Dean's skin irritated him beyond belief. He wanted nothing more than to pounce at them, tear their throats out, bash their faces in. Slumped down against the wall, he averted his attention back at the door. His omega mattered more.

If - _when_ \- Castiel came back from unconsciousness, Dean promised himself to assure him that whatever happened before doesn't matter, and that he'll take care of him. He wanted his omega to know that he was always going to be there no matter what.

The door creaked open, and Dean was on his feet in seconds. Michael peeped his head out. "You can come in now."

Dean walked into the room, darting straight towards Castiel. Although there was no heart monitor proving Castiel's liveliness, Dean could feel the hum of their bond reconnecting. He stood next to Castiel's bed, staring down at him with fondness.

"He's going to be okay?" Dean asked, taking his omega's hand.

Michael's heart squeezed. He was truly horrified by the whole ordeal. "I'm not sure. I don't want to get your hopes up."

Dean nodded, understanding. "As long as it's not a solid 'no' then I don't give a shit."

Michael half-smiled, chuckling a bit. "Just stay with him. I don't think there's much else I can do."

Dean nodded again, breathing out a shaky sigh of relief. He knelt down next to Castiel, his head inches away. His green eyes never leaving his omega's face.

Michael turned for the door. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

Michael gripped the doorknob. "Good call on marking him."  
  
  
A few hours, multiple arguments, and one fist fight later, Dean was laying next to Castiel in the bed. Michael had gotten rid of most of the machinery, seeing rapid improvements in Castiel's health. His heart was now beating at a steady rate, his blood pressure was going back to normal, his cold, waxy skin was beginning to flush with color. Dean was curled around him protectively, like a mother cat protecting her kitten. He was offering heat, comfort through their bond, and company. Castiel was unconscious, but it meant the world to Dean that he was still breathing.  
  
"I miss you." Dean murmured into Castiel's ear, nose buried in Castiel's hair. "I miss you so much." He kissed his ear. "Mean more than life to me, know that? Scared me half to death thinkin' that you were...you were gone." He let out a shaky breath, relief washing over him again. "Love you, baby. Love you."   
  
"Can't love someone you barely know." A condescending tone waved through the air, disrupting their private time.   
  
Dean's first instinct was to snarl, but that was suppressed when cold, translucent blue eyes stared at him. He stood tall, thick arms crossed over his chest in an authoritative manner, staring at Dean with pride and confidence. His alpha scent set something off within Dean.   
  
When Azazel stepped into the room, the proximity between Castiel and Azazel slowly diminishing, Dean found himself growling.   
  
"Fucking gorgeous, ain't he?" Azazel's smile was predatory. "Looked prettier without all the bruises and scratches on his face." Dean pulled his omega closer to his chest. Azazel through his hands up in the air. "Calm down, I'm not gonna touch him." His lip twitched. "I've already done that."   
  
Dean was at his throat. Literally. Both his hands were wrapped around Azazel's neck, finger nails digging into his skin. Azazel's stance didn't change. He was smiling, hands still up in the air, face starting to turn blue. He momentarily glanced behind Dean.  
  
"Dean." A quiet voice whined. Dean's upper lip curled as he released Azazel.   
  
He wasn't going to deal with Azazel now. "Sam!" Dean yelled. Within seconds, Sam came in sprinting, alarmed.   
  
"What's wrong?" Sam asked. Dean's eyebrow quirked, noticing Sam's disheveled appearance; lips swollen red, hair messy. "Dean?"   
  
Dean blinked, realizing Azazel was still in the room."Get him the fuck outta here." Dean shoved Azazel towards Sam.   
  
Azazel was rubbing his neck, the grin still on his face. He walked out wordlessly. Sam shot Dean a worried look before closing the door.   
  
The whine turned into hushed whimpers. "Dean." Castiel's eyes were closed, but tears were trickling from the corners of his eyes. He was reaching out, fingers curling around air. " _Dean._ "   
  
Dean's fingers tangled themselves with Castiel's, catching them mid air. He climbed back into bed, trying to control his anger. Castiel was releasing worried vibes.   
  
"Pup." His voice spiked. "Gone." He tried to squeeze Dean's hand, letting out a shaky sob.   
  
"Shh," Dean hushed, pressing his lips to his forehead. "we'll talk about that later, okay? Right now I need you to calm down. Breathe. I'm right here."   
  
Castiel hiccuped, trying to roll onto his side, trying to hide his face. He winced at the pain, then realized that wincing only hurt his battered face.   
  
"Home." He slurred, a sad edge to his voice. Dean wanted nothing more than to give him what he wanted.   
  
"I know, baby, I know." Dean said. "We'll figure this out."   
  
Dean's heart was completely crushed under the overwhelming weight of Castiel's distress. Staring at his omega sent a painful sting to his heart. It made him want to kiss him all over, hug him until he heals. What Castiel had to endure - and only Castiel knew how  _fucked_ up his time there was - only made Dean angrier. His omega was taken advantage of, pulled away from his loved ones, do things against his will, lost his pup, and became ill from the distance put between him and his alpha all in the span of a week and a half.   
  
"Hey," Dean whispered, scooting himself so that he was face to face with Castiel. Castiel lowered his head. "You want me to read you a book?" He asked, glancing over at a novel laying face down on the bedside table.   
  
There was a moment of uncertainty. Dean had never offered to do that before, but Dean understood how important literature was to Castiel, how it helped him cope with his own problems. Dean knew that if stories couldn't lighten Castiel's mood, then nothing could.  
  
Those worries washed away immediately when Castiel's hand tightened around Dean's, his face breaking into a smile.  
  
  
The alphas and betas in the room were dead silent as Alastair ordered them to clear the living area. Most of the crew were confused and reluctant, but obeyed nevertheless. The couch was empty, allowing Sam and Gabriel to settle. Gabriel's eyes were still sore and red, but the tears were dried. He was clutching at Sam's sleeve when they sat down, disregarding proximity.   
  
"He'll be fine," Sam muttered under his breath, staring over at Gabriel, who was blankly staring back at the hall. "Michael even said so, and you heard how doubtful he sounded in the beginning."   
  
"I'm just thinking about what if he didn't have Dean." Gabriel's voice broke.   
  
Sam sighed. "But he does."   
  
"Either way, they would have found him." Gabriel forced. "Used him, abused him. They've already done that."   
  
"It's different now." Sam provided. "He's got you, he's got Dean. He has help. All we need to do is," Sam lowered his voice. "get him out of here."   
  
Michael walked into the living area. Alastair stepped forward, pulling him into the kitchen. Sam nor Gabriel could hear the exchange of words, but by the reaction of the rest of the crew, they were assuming something surprising happened. Alastair frowned, crossed his arms, and nodded once. He said a few words before Michael stalked off towards them, relief evident in his features.   
  
"Good news: he's talking. He was calling out for Dean, and right now Dean's trying to comfort him." Michael added contentedly. "He improved miraculously."   
  
Sam cracked a grin, looking over to see Gabriel's reaction. Gabriel looked doubtful, but he didn't say anything. "Really?"   
  
"Yes." Michael confirmed, nodding.  
  
"C-can I see him?" Gabriel shifted, eyes darting towards the hallway again.   
  
"Please yourself. It would do him some good to see you."   
  
  
Dean finished reading two chapters of the book before Castiel started drawing his attention away, nipping and kissing at his collarbone. He set the book down, completely focused on Castiel now. He moved, pushing himself up on one elbow, separating Castiel's legs with one of his own, tangling them together. Castiel let out a small cry at the loss of contact, only to be showered with kisses to his face.   
  
Dean kissed him everywhere, like he had a little bit after his arrival. He was gentle, cautious when it came to Castiel's cheeks. Even his lips were bruised and swollen, thoroughly abused by whoever decided to use him. Dean left sloppy kiss trails along Castiel's jaw, trailing them down his throat. He was now hovering over his omega, bringing up a hand to caress the back of Castiel's neck, stroking him. Castiel moaned, his sweet spot being satisfied.   
  
Dean wanted to show Castiel how much he was worth, wanted him to know that he's beautiful no matter what condition he's in.   
  
Castiel tried opening his eyes, baby blue irises peeping to see green. He gasped.   
  
Dean halted. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"   
  
Castiel shook his head. "N-no." He breathed. "You're beautiful."   
  
"I fucking love you." Dean's voice was harsh. "Love you so god damn much." He bent down to kiss Castiel's throat, groaning.   
  
"Dean." Castiel whimpered, nervousness radiating off of him. Their fingers were still interlocked, and Castiel tried to get his attention by tugging on him. Castiel's distressed scent eventually overpowered Dean's sense, snapping him out of the trance he was unknowingly in. Dean stilled, heart pounding, realizing he was hard in his pants, rutting against his petrified omega.   
  
Dean's eyes widened, riddled with guilt and fear. "Cas," He said, apologetically. "oh shit." He jumped off Castiel, getting out of bed. He ran both his hands through his hair, stopping to tug at it. "Fuck. I-I'm sorry. Shit."   
  
Castiel, even though his vision was limited, could hear the sincerity in Dean's voice, could feel the protective aura from Dean attempt to engulf him. He could see that Dean terrified even himself. "Don't go." He pleaded. "I'm. I'm okay."   
  
Dean didn't even have to think twice before wrapping his body around Castiel again, controlling himself. He tucked Castiel's head under his chin, breathing in his scent. It still managed to make him feel intoxicated.   
  
The silence felt like a warm, comforting blanket.   
  
"I'm so relieved that we found you." Dean mumbled, abruptly. "Felt like I couldn't breathe without you. Fuck, scared me shitless thinkin' that I was never gonna see you again."   
  
Castiel sniffled. He moved closer, trying to feel Dean. "I cried." Castiel confessed. "Every day."   
  
"Yeah," Dean pressed his lips into Castiel's hair. His hold on Castiel tightened up. "me too." 


	20. Too Far Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the waiting time. Been busy preparing for exams! Which are done, thankfully.

"It's not as easy as it was before." Gabriel whispered, harshly.   
  
He and Dean were talking a few feet away from Castiel's bed, Castiel sleeping soundly. Sam, Michael, and Lucifer remained in the living area. They were discussing abandoning the place. Dean was determined, while Gabriel remained doubtful and concerned.   
  
"There's gotta be more than one way outta here." Dean tried to reason, frowning slightly.   
  
Gabriel sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Let me ask you something, Dean: did it ever occur to you as to why Alastair has all these men lounging around?"   
  
Dean looked away, tightening his jaw. "Not really."   
  
"They're not lazy. The majority of them are trained professionals. Like ex-military, hit men, smugglers, all sorts. I recognized a little under half of them." Gabriel's nostrils flared. "They're guarding this place. The only reason why they don't seem intimidating is because if they were, their hormones will be incredibly potent, by that I mean their scent will change. Their strict, authoritative, merciless personalities will come into play. Omegas can easily submit. Omegas will render terrified of their environment, and Alastair doesn't want  _him,_ " He nodded towards his little brother. "to feel scared. He loves him."   
  
"Like hell he does!" Dean was seething with anger, threw a book from the dresser onto the floor. It landed on the ground with a light thud. Castiel shuffled in his sleep.   
  
"Dean." Gabriel sighed, just as frustrated as he was. "We're not alone here."   
  
Dean smiled sarcastically. "No offense Gabriel, but I don't think an extra two is gonna help us out any more than if we were alone."   
  
"Okay, look, I get that, but we're talking about my baby brother here, too. And I'll take any chance I get to help him. So we either have two more people, or just you, Sam, and me."   
  
Dean stared at the book he'd thrown onto the floor, lips pressed into a thin line mocking stubbornness.    
  
"You're either helping him or you're not." Gabriel said.   
  
"Of course I'll help him." Dean snapped.   
  
"Good." Gabriel said with finality. "Glad to know where we stand."    
  
"Wait," Dean stopped, brows tensing in concentration. "so you have a plan?"   
  
Gabriel smirked, all worry evading his features. "'Course I do."   
  
  
  
"What are Alastair's weak points?" Sam inquired.   
  
All of them; Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel, Sam, Dean, and Castiel were in the bedroom. Michael excused them all for being there saying he needed to run a few tests and it would be better if Castiel were in a comfortable environment. Alastair was reluctant.   
  
"Speak a little louder, why don't ya?" Lucifer suggested sarcastically.   
  
"Sorry." Sam lowered his voice. "But anyone got a clue?"   
  
"Me." Castiel said, obviously. "I'm one of them."   
  
"We're not gonna use you for this." Dean stepped in right away, wrapping his arm around Castiel's waist, squeezing his side. "You're who we need outta here."   
  
"That's not what I meant." Castiel proclaimed. "I meant he'd do anything to keep me here."   
  
"I'm failing to-"   
  
"He means," Gabriel interrupted Michael. "that if Alastair felt like Castiel's safety was at risk, he will go to great lengths to make sure he's okay. Which includes any requests Castiel makes."   
  
"I could ask him to get something for me. Get him out of here long enough for us to be long gone by the time he gets back." Castiel clarified.   
  
Dean made a doubtful grunt.   
  
"It might work." Lucifer agreed, folding his arms across his chest. "Just a little problem with that plan; the fuck are we gonna do about the dozens of guards here?"   
  
"I can figure something out." Michael said with confidence. "I'm basically the medic. I can fake a situation going awry."   
  
"Send them into panic while their boss is away." Gabriel's face broke into a smile. Sam's face mirrored his.   
  
"Shit." Lucifer ran a hand through his hair, a satisfactory grin on his face. "Might work."   
  
"It's a complicated plan." Dean's frown was tight. "I want to be by your side the entire time." He quested privately to Castiel.   
  
With a comforting smile, Castiel leaned into Dean's hold. "Anything otherwise is undesirable." 

Michael sent Lucifer, Sam, and Gabriel out to lower their chances of looking suspicious. Alastair walked right into the room as soon as they left, eyes trained on Castiel, who was clinging onto Dean. The jealousy that wafted in as soon as Alastair laid his eyes upon Castiel was repugnant. Michael pried Castiel away, seeing Alastair's mood shift, leading him to the dresser, where his medical kit was laid.   
  
"Michael, could you please leave the room? There are important matters I must discuss." Alastair ordered, politely.   
  
Michael was hesitant, subtly touching Castiel's arm in reassurance before nodding, exiting the room without a word. When the door clicked closed, Castiel instinctively walked over to Dean.   
  
"Castiel." Alastair's voice was verging on the edge of anger. "No."   
  
With a small, apologetic whine, Castiel cowered away. He climbed back into his bed, blue eyes staring at Dean. Their bond was reaching out for each other, but Alastair was in the way.   
  
"What the fuck was that for?" Dean growled. Alastair ignored him.  
  
"Dean, may I please speak with you out in the hall? We will return later to negotiate matters with Castiel afterwards as well." Alastair said smoothly.   
  
Dean looked over his shoulder, staring longingly at his mate. "Fine."   
  
"Good." Alastair's gaze was fixed on Castiel as he walked around Dean, sitting next to him on the bed. He raised a hand to Castiel face. Castiel flinched, only to realize that he was trying to stroke his face. He relaxed. "Now we won't be long," Alastair promised, leaning in. "you know I love you, right?" Dean's nostril flared. If it weren't for the guards or Castiel, he would have Alastair by the neck in two seconds flat.  
  
Castiel nodded, trying hard not to focus on Dean. He hated upsetting him.  
  
"Good." Alastair grinned, closing the distance between their lips. Castiel almost cried; with the presence of his alpha in the room, it hurt him to know that Dean was watching them, watching him commit unfaithful acts. When Alastair pulled away, satisfied, Castiel could barely look Dean in the eye.   
  
Alastair got up, a smug look on his face, and exited the room. Dean couldn't take his eyes off his omega.   
  
"It's okay, Cas." Dean smiled brokenly. "It's not your fault."   
  
When Dean left the room, Castiel collapsed onto the bed, trying to fight the tears left by Dean's words.   
  
  
Dean closed the door behind him, heaving a deep breath. He could hear Castiel's muffled cries, and it physically hurt him. He turned to see Alastair, arms crossed, waiting on him.   
  
"We need to negotiate on this." Alastair's eyes darted to the bedroom door. "As noted, you and Castiel are true mates by bond. And as you already know, if that bond is broken or tampered with, either party will die. I'm not going to let the one I love die, so we have to come to terms on how this is going to work."   
  
"You're saying that you're not going to let him go?" Dean asked. "Ever?"   
  
"He got away once." Alastair informed him. "I'm not letting that happen again."   
  
Dean mirrored his stance, folding his arms across his chest. "How does Cas feel about this?"   
  
Alastair shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Point is, we need to come up with a plan. Something that can keep your bond at bay, long enough so that he doesn't start having symptoms. Seems like he can go less than a week without dying."   
  
"He could have lasted longer." Michael interrupted them. "If you didn't mark him."   
  
"He's mine. I can mark him if I wanted to." Alastair disagreed.   
  
"I get that." Michael said. "And excuse me for intruding on your conversation, but Castiel cannot live without his mate. Living without him for a day is one thing, but a week? It nearly destroyed him. If you want him to stay alive, you need to let him be with Dean. It'll hurt him, it'll scare him, it'll ruin his psychology if you put him through that again."   
  
Alastair didn't know what to say.   
  
"You're only scaring him." Michael emphasized, stepping forward.   
  
Alastair's jaw tightened. He straightened his head, posture going rigidly straight. "Very well." He pushed past Dean, opening the bedroom door. Castiel's body was shaking from the sobs. He stopped instantly, looking up at Alastair with fear in his eyes. Alastair grabbed his face, kissing him roughly before grabbing his neck, squeezing with immense force.   
  
"If I can't have you, neither can he." Alastair's upper lip curled over his teeth, yellow eyes flaming with anger. Dean jumped on him, tackling him to the ground. Castiel was freed and pulled into Michael's arms. Dean was on Alastair, both hands strangling Alastair. This was how Alastair was going to die; the same way he wanted to kill Castiel. Dean's grip was vice tight, his muscles were aching due to the constant force he was applying. Castiel was trying to pry himself away from Michael, trying to get Dean to calm down. He was more than petrified.   
  
"Dean!" Castiel pleaded, scrambling towards Dean. "Stop, please!"   
  
"The bastard deserves to die." Dean felt no remorse, not the slightest bit of him wanted to ease off.   
  
"You're scaring me." Castiel said. And as if a switch was flipped, Dean stopped, watching Alastair cough, trying to breathe again. Dean's hands were shaking, still hovered over Alastair's neck. He was still sitting on top of him, still capable of murdering Alastair. But that wasn't him.   
  
He couldn't do that.   
  
"He killed our pup." Dean stated in disbelief. "He hurt you. He kidnapped you. Why-why-"   
  
"You're better than that." Castiel reasoned, tears rushing to his eyes. "Dean, please."   
  
Dean looked down at Alastair, who was still trying to recover. But no amount of apologies, money, or reasoning could make Dean change his mind. There was no to turn back the clock, erase what happened, and start over. What's done is done, and it couldn't be altered. It was a luxury no one could afford, and to Dean, the only thing that mattered was making sure his omega was safe.   
  
Alastair wasn't even noisy. Dean hadn't given him any time to shout out for help. It was perfect timing, and the guards wouldn't be the wiser, too busy off in their own worlds.  
  
He didn't think twice before wrapping his hands around Alastair's neck, squeezing harder than he ever has before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiiit...


	21. Don't Touch Me

There was something so satisfying about choking the life out of the one who nearly destroyed your mate. The life Dean was slowly taking away belonged to a man who took more than he gave. This man deserved to die. He deserved every horrible thing thrown at him. Death would be a glorious privilege on Alastair's part if Dean had the time to torture him. With his hands wrapped tightly around Alastair's neck, fingers overlapping each other, he watched the blood from the alpha's face drain, skin turn a sickly blue, and eyes roll towards the back of his head. The last few chokes of air sent an electric vibe down Dean's spine, making him breathe a sigh of relief. Slowly and cautiously, he let Alastair's neck go, watching the head hit the floor with a thud. Alastair's entire body went limp, and Dean felt no heartbeat.   
  
Dean was panting as he climbed off Alastair's body, sitting next to it. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, realizing then that Castiel watched him. Watched him kill someone. But he couldn't find it in himself to worry about that - Castiel was safe now.   
  
Castiel was coiled back, pressed up against Michael, trembling. Castiel's throat was sore from screaming. Michael's eyes, though widened with shock, looked somehow relieved. He, too, had been waiting for this for a very long time.   
  
"I'm going to get Sam and Gabriel." Michael broke the silence, pulling away from Castiel. Castiel felt exposed, like a deer caught in front of headlights. He was scared. He told Dean he was scared. Scared was an understatement. Terrified was an understatement. At this point, Castiel felt vulnerable.   
  
"It's okay." Dean pushed himself up from the floor. Castiel almost fell off the bed trying to move away. Dean stopped, a sharp pain in his stomach as he realized Castiel was trying to get away from him. Was he scared of him? He didn't have to be scared. Dean saved them. Saved all of them.  
  
"Cas." Dean lowered his voice. "I'm not going to hurt you, baby."   
  
Castiel was dangerously unstable. He was still shaking. "He said the same thing." Castiel looked down at Alastair's body, tears welling up in his eyes. "You're just like him. Y-you're just like him."   
  
Dean shook his head, climbing onto the bed. He made sure to keep his emotions at ease, sending nothing but comforting vibes towards his omega, who's breathing hitched. "Im not, Cas. I'm you're my mate. You're the love of my life. You had our baby inside you. You let me mark you." The crack in Dean's voice made Castiel look away, shifting. Dean grabbed Castiel's hand. "I did this for you. I did this for us. Cas, I'm-I'm not a cold-blooded killer."   
  
Castiel pulled away. He didn't know.   
  
"Cas." Dean's voice shook, and that made Castiel cry. "Don't be afraid of me."   
  
It was a conflict. Castiel couldn't be with another man who would kill for him. Castiel couldn't endanger himself or his brother anymore. But Dean was right; they were mates. Castiel felt that. He also knew that he sincerely, genuinely loved him. He was so in love with him. He did more for him than Alastair ever did. Dean was constantly protecting him, saving him, making sure that his mental state was still intact. Dean even read to him when he couldn't read for himself.   
  
Sam and Gabriel burst into the room, slamming the door against the wall with force. Gabriel looked for his little brother first, seeing that he was okay, then at the dead body on the floor. Sam's face screwed up in both sadness and relief. Dean couldn't keep his eyes off of Castiel.   
  
"Baby." Dean whispered too low for anyone other than Castiel to hear. "I love you."   
  
Castiel's cries became audible, small sobs between his broken words "I wanna go home". Dean pulled him in, wrapping his omega in a cocoon hug. Sam and Gabriel mutually and silently agreed to take care of the body, leaving the emotionally exhausted couple to themselves.   
  
Castiel was still shaking, even more confused. His mind was trying to tell him that he couldn't let himself back into an abusive relationship, he couldn't allow himself to be in love with a murderer. But his heart was smarter. He was constantly being reminded by the pulse in the bond he shared with Dean that they belonged together, that Dean only killed Alastair because Alastair was risking Castiel's life for his own selfish fantasies.   
  
"Don't be scared." Dean whispered. He could feel Castiel's uncertainty, can feel how much it was hurting him to be there. It hurt Dean too, knowing that his mate was terrified of him, knowing that he probably thought this was just another emotionally abusive relationship. Castiel failed to realize that Dean only ever did what he thought was best, truly what he thought would make their lives better. Never once were his intentions anything other than for the better. "Please."   
  
Dean squeezed his eyes shut as he tightened his hold on his omega, dropping his head to rest it on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel was facing him, arms tucked between their bodies. He had his head lowered, pressed against Dean's shoulder.   
  
Then, something inside Castiel clicked off. It changed his whole demeanor. Dean looked up, a questioning look in his eyes. He felt the change.   
  
"I want him back." Castiel's voice was monotonous. "I want him."   
  
Dean, feeling like he just jumped into another mind-swirling enigma, cocked his head to the side, all sadness and despair tucked away. "Cas, we can't-he's-"  
   
"I want him back." Castiel stared dead into his eyes. "I need him back. He's _mine_."   
  
"Cas, just relax for a bit, we ca-"  
  
"No!" Castiel screamed. He pushed Dean away. "You murdered him. You took him away from me." Gabriel ran back into the room, startled.  
  
"Cas, plea-"  
  
"No! I want him back! We were supposed to have a family together!" Castiel thrashed against him, distancing himself from Dean. Dean let him go, watched him move to the end of the bed towards Gabriel. Castiel looked up at his older brother. "Bring him back, Gabe."  
  
Gabriel's eyes closed for a moment, straining the urge to just yell until his lungs gave out. "Castiel, he's dead. We can't bring him back."   
  
Castiel stared up at his brother with a blank expression, tears welling up in his eyes. His lower lip jutted out in a pouting manner. "Gabriel." Castiel's voice changed. He sounded like a scared little boy. "I want him back. He loves me."   
  
"He never loved you!" Gabriel took his little brother by the shoulders, trying to shake some sense into him. "He was using you. If someone loves you, they would never do anything to hurt you. They wouldn't keep you locked up in a room all day, isolated from those who you. They would do anything to make sure you're safe. Castiel, he took your baby from you. He didn't want you to have it." Castiel looked away, frowning. "Dean loves you properly." Gabriel pointed out, kneeling in front of Castiel. "He came back for you. He tried his best to keep you away from that fucking bastard. He was broken when he wasn't with you. Screamed for you in his dreams, told us he reached out for you once and panicked because you weren't there..." Tears fell from Castiel's frowning eyes. "He helped you create the life that was growing inside of you. Doesn't that mean anything to you at all?"  
  
Castiel sniffled, though he kept the frown on his face.   
  
"I don't want to have to see you back at the hospital again. Snap out of it, brother. Alastair's dead - he can't manipulate you anymore. This has to stop." Gabriel pleaded. "Look, you're hurting your mate."   
  
"We have to go." Sam rushed into the room. "Now. Michael stalled them for a bit, but if we have any chance of ever leaving this place, it's now. We gotta go, Dean."   
  
Dean stared at Castiel as he got up, heading for the door. "Cas?" Dean called out, his crystal green eyes were wet with unshed tears.   
  
It was automatic. The bond overruled everything else, and Castiel knew that he couldn't stay there forever. Gabriel sighed, relieved, everything in him relaxing. Castiel followed Dean, who followed Sam.   
  
Dean reached out for Castiel's hand, but he jerked it away. Dean didn't know how to react. He loved him to death, loved his omega even before he knew they were true mates. But something in Castiel was still broken, something that couldn't be easily fixed.   
  
Something that can't be erased; no do-overs, no turning back time, nothing that can change what happened to him. No matter how many times Dean will tell him that he loved him or that he will protect him no matter what, no amount of comforting words could ever really fix the damaged part of Castiel. Castiel's not like a lot of people in the way that the littlest things affect him greatly. Words hurt. But constant manipulation, torture, and abuse fucked him up even more. He remembers every insult, every smack, every punch, cut, stab, stitch. He will remember all the times Alastair called him names. " _You fucking worthless little bitch._ " " _I'm only going to keep you around for breeding, you fucking whore._ " " _Pretty little bitch like you deserves to be smacked around a couple of times._ "  
  
And all the subtle, yet threatening words. They were the worse.  
  
" _You're gonna love this._ "  
  
" _You're gonna love me._ " 

There's always going to be a switch in Castiel's brain that will flicker on and off. It has controlled him for years. It has ruined so many things.  
  
There's some things that he can never escape. Dean knew this, knew that he will forever try fighting for his omega's happiness. He will try to keep the calm and peace in Castiel's mind. He will try his best to do whatever it took to make sure that he was okay.  
  
Though death was a permanent solution to the main problem, what that main problem did will forever haunt his victim. Castiel can't escape it.  
  
Can't escape the past.   
  
  
The car ride back to North Carolina was uneasily silent. Sam was driving, Gabriel sat on the passenger side, leaning his head against the window. Castiel and Dean sat in the back. Castiel sat behind Sam, body pressed against the side of the car as if to show Dean just how uncomfortable he was next to him. Dean was on the opposite side, hands clasped together loosely. Every so often he'd look over at his omega, feeling Castiel's side of the bond tug at him. Dean would reach out, but Castiel would twitch, releasing distressed signals. Dean could tell that Sam and Gabriel were both bothered by the scent as they cleared their throats, squirmed in their seats, and pressed their lips together.   
  
Dean stayed away. Didn't touch him, didn't talk to him, didn't force him via bond to respond to him. He didn't command his omega, didn't want to frighten him even more, didn't want Castiel to hate him even more than he already did.   
  
Dean would be lying if he said he regretted killing Alastair. The fucker needed to die. Dean needed solid proof that he wasn't ever going to come after Castiel again. He can't torture him, manipulate him, psychological fuck him up. But looking at Castiel, watching as he tried to tuck himself away from everyone, it was clear that he was going to need help. And it seemed as though Dean wasn't enough.   
  
And that fact right there hurt Dean more than anything he will ever experience. 


	22. Healing

Months went by. It felt unreal. Like none of it actually happened. Everything happened too fast. It seemed like a video game; it felt like they abandoned a mission.  
  
Michael and Lucifer, who eventually followed them, were tremendous help. Michael found a therapist who was willing to undergo therapy with Castiel. Lucifer and Gabriel acted as agents, keeping tabs on the guardsmen that they had tricked back at Alastair's. While a few of them had given up, carrying on with their lives, the others looted Alastair's place. A handful of them, and the number was unknown, were out hunting for them. They were the loyal ones, perhaps close friends with Alastair as they wanted to seek vengeance for their boss's death.   
  
Whereas the omega was in a dark place. It's as though he's crawled into a hole, buried himself in, and died. He wasn't Dean's "Cas" anymore. He was a hollowed out shell of someone who used to be so bright. If given a book, he would hold it and for a few seconds, Dean would think that maybe he's regaining some of his old persona back. But those few seconds would go by and the book would slip through his fingers like water.   
  
The blue in his eyes were still vibrant in color, however, there was no life. But Dean still loved him. Dean still stood by his side. How could one abandon someone their loved one? Dean still kissed his cheeks, his forehead, his lips. Dean still held onto him like he was scared someone would take him away. Dean would still read to him at night.   
  
But tears would fall down his cheeks when he said, "I love you." and Castiel couldn't say it back.   
  
Dean felt alone, but he knew that Castiel loved him. He missed the sound of Castiel's voice, the way Castiel would grab onto his shirt, the way he would smile up at Dean like he was the only thing that ever mattered.   
  
Sam would sometimes watch Dean and Castiel from the doorway of Dean's bedroom while on his way to his own. Dean's back was always turned, body hunched as he held Castiel - every night - sobs wracking his body. Castiel was dead, but not really. And it hurt Sam to see his brother breaking down every day.  
  
There was one night where Castiel wandered off in the house and Dean couldn't find him. It took him ten minutes - panic flooding his body after the second minute - before he found his omega in the basement with a pencil in hand. He had drawn the letter "A" on the ground. Tears were present in his oceanic eyes.   
  
That was the only time they'd ever seen any emotion come from Castiel since the escape.   
  
"Hey, what are you doing down here?" Dean had asked, kneeling down next to him. Castiel slowly met his gaze, glaring at his alpha before he threw the pencil on the ground, ran his hand over the letter he drew, and left the room.   
  
Dean said nothing.  
  
  
It was one of  _those_  days; you can't help but feel helpless, hopeless. The kind of days where you feel useless, like a waste of time, a waste of space.   
  
Dean was sitting at his desk, head resting on his arms  He was crying, breaking down for the first time in months. His heart couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't enough. He wasn't enough for Castiel. He couldn't help him. He didn't know how. Their bond was still there, Dean was more than thankful that it hadn't broken, but his omega was unresponsive. His omega needed help, was receiving it, but didn't cooperate. His omega didn't seem to want him. He could feel it.  
  
"He just needs time." Gabriel's words from long ago repeated in his mind. "He still loves you."   
  
Dean sobbed even harder. He knew Castiel was angry that he had murdered Alastair. But he also knew he was still grieving the loss of their child. Dean's whole body ached. He just wanted his omega to love him again.   
  
He didn't know how to help him. The therapy wasn't helping. Castiel couldn't speak. He didn't reach out for Dean like he used to. Even when they slept together at night, Castiel was always at the furthest side of the bed.  
  
Dean was so caught up in his own thoughts, his sobs muting out any sounds around him that he didn't notice his bedroom door opening. But he did notice the scent, and god did he ever loved that scent. He raised his head, tears still falling from his red eyes. Castiel stood there, brows curved up.   
  
Dean wiped away the tears immediately, standing up. "Hey, you okay?" He croaked.  
  
And with those words, Castiel's eyes began to water. Instant concern coursing through Dean's veins, he ran over to him, holding his face. Castiel was in an immediate state of distress. "Whoa, h-hey, sweetie, it's okay. What's wrong? Do y-you need something? Are-are you hurt?"   
  
Castiel looked up at his alpha, hurt marked his face. He opened his mouth, a tear escaping his eye. Dean pulled him into a hug. He needed to feel his omega more than just with his hands. When Castiel tugged on Dean's shirt, then running his hand down Dean's abdomen, it scent chills down Dean's spine. "What's wrong?" Dean asked, his voice gentle.   
  
Castiel whined and that's when Dean was hit with waves of anxiety, sorrow, and guilt.   
  
Castiel was sorry.   
  
"It's okay." Dean assured him, stroking the back of Castiel's neck. "It's okay." He pulled Castiel away to look at his face. "You're okay."   
  
Castiel reached up, held the side of Dean's face in his hand, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away his tears. Dean leaned into his touch, closing his eyes. He hadn't received affection from Castiel in so long.    
  
  
Castiel was speaking again.   
  
Dean was happy that he was speaking to his brother, that he was able to tell others how he was feeling rather than coop himself up in a room all day sleeping. He was still resentful and reluctant every time Dean came around, but he never denied needing him.   
  
When it came to his feelings towards Dean, he was unsure. Dean would always tell him that he loves him, yet Castiel could never say it back. And when Dean tried to be affectionate, tried to kiss him like he used to, Castiel never kissed him back. He would stand or sit there, letting Dean use him. That moment they had a few weeks ago - Castiel finding Dean crying, then attempting to comfort him, wiping his tears away - it didn't seem to fix anything. After that, Dean's proclamation of affection would progressively become urgent, much more desperate.   
  
He felt their bond faltering.   
  
"Cas, talk to me." Dean pleaded, one night. "If I knew what I did - what I did to protect you - would make you hate me, I wouldn't have done it."   
  
Castiel couldn't look him in the eyes. "I told you not to." He snapped. "I was crying on the bed, screaming at you not to."   
  
"I only did what I thought was right! He was going to hurt you, hurt us!" Dean moved closer to him, trying to make Castiel look up. "Baby, I only wanted you to be safe. Losing you is - it's my nightmare."   
  
"I was  _screaming._ " Castiel pressed, looking at his hands. "You shouldn't have killed him. Not there, not then, not you."   
  
"Why?" Dean was right in front of him, touching his legs. "Why not me?"   
  
Castiel was shaking his head, frowning.  
  
"Cas, tell me." Dean was serious.   
  
"They're all after you." Castiel shook his head, calm expression faltering. "They're all going to come after you. It could be years from now...months...maybe minutes."   
  
Dean waited a few moments. "Cas?"   
  
"They can't take you away. They-they can't." Castiel suddenly grabbed handfuls of Dean's shirt. "I-"  
  
"Cas-"   
  
"-sick. I put you in danger." Castiel was frantic. "This. This is all my fault. All of it."   
  
"It's no-"  
  
"Don't even deny it, Dean." Castiel sternly warned him. "I've been weak. I've been weak for so long. I let all of you do what you thought was best, but only I know just how dangerous all of them can be. Don't underestimate them."   
  
Dean watched him quietly from where he sat. "What do you think we should do?"   
  
"We have to keeping moving." Castiel's brow twitched. He hated moving. He had enough of it.   
  
Dean sighed, shaking his head. "But that's not what you want."   
  
"It doesn't matter what I want anymore. If moving means that we'll all be safe, then we have to do it." Castiel stood up, heading of the door. "I'm going to talk to Gabriel." He drew in a deep breath, stared at Dean's stressed face. "I don't want to be the cause of your death, Dean."   
  
And with that, Castiel left to find his brother, leaving Dean in a state of stress. 

There was a lot to think about, a lot to consider. Castiel knew this decision was especially hard for Dean, seeing as they went through a lot over the past few months. Dean still felt like Castiel wasn't ready for a change of scenery. Castiel understood this and even agreed, but even he knew the risk they were taking by settling down.   
  
Gabriel was constantly worrying about his little brother. He still insisted that Castiel try therapy again, but Castiel didn't want to talk to anyone other than his mate. Respectfully, Gabriel backed off. Castiel didn't need the added on stress of an older brother's nagging.   
  
Castiel reached Sam's bedroom where - much to Castiel's dismay - Gabriel was staying...and also being incredibly loud. He knocked on the door three times. The first two times, he was greeted with silence. He knew his brother was in there, though. On the third knock, he heard a loud groan. Castiel cringed.   
  
"Bad timing." Dean snuck up behind his lover, kissing him behind his ear. He snaked his arms around Castiel's waist.   
  
"Um, yeah, I-I can-can we leave?" Castiel asked, nervously.   
  
Dean spun Castiel around to face him. "'Course we can." He pecked Castiel's lips before guiding him away from Sam's room.   
  
They sat down in the living room together, which was ingeniously located at the opposite end of the house. Dean switched the television on and proceeded to pull Castiel next to him, the omega laying his head on Dean's chest. Dean weaved his fingers in Castiel's thick hair, softly massaging his head. Castiel purred.  
  
"I want to talk to you, Cas." Dean prompted, carefully. Despite the comforting touches and reassurance vibes, Castiel squirmed. His purring stopped. "Hey, it's okay." Dean murmured, still holding his omega close to him. "I just want to have an actual conversation with you."   
  
"We do have conversations." Castiel said.   
  
"We don't."   
  
"Dean-"   
  
"Cas," Dean shook his head, staring off at nothing. "I know what I did was...horrific." He said. "I know I hurt you. I know the past few months have been hard on you. It hurts, I know." Dean tried considerably hard not to offend Castiel. "But for the last six months, I've been trying to stay strong for you. I held back every negative emotion in order to make you feel safe. But I can't anymore. I need you to know how I feel."   
  
Castiel looked down at the floor, realizing that he actually didn't know what Dean felt. He had been told by Gabriel what Dean felt, but only briefly. Dean himself had told him some of the things he felt when he thought Castiel was taken away forever, but he didn't get into intense detail. Yet, Dean was the one who had to deal with the emotional trauma of murdering someone. He had to go through six months of not knowing whether or not his omega still loved him, still wanted him. Dean took care of him, fed him, bathed him, kissed him, held him at night when he started having nightmares again. He forgot that Dean was also the father of the child he lost. Knowing how they lost their child...that alone is enough to make any one go insane. But Dean held on. He held on because Castiel was still alive and breathing and he had to take care of him.  
  
Castiel felt selfish. Guilty.   
  
Dean took Castiel's silence as invitation to continue. "Losing you...it almost killed me." Castiel closed his eyes, fingers grabbing onto Dean's shirt. "Seeing you," Dean paused, memories flooding back. " _dying_ on the bed...in my arms..." Dean felt a lump growing in his throat. "my heart couldn't - I couldn't take it. Your eyes were almost colorless. Your breathing was shallow, and our baby-"  
  
Once Castiel felt the first tremble of sobs wrack through Dean's body, he sat upright, watching his alpha cover his eyes as he cried. Castiel pulled one of Dean's hands away from his face, tugging at him. Dean followed his lead. Dean's head ended up on Castiel's lap, his head facing Castiel's stomach. He hid his face from Castiel, burying himself in the fabric of Castiel's shirt. Dean, though much bigger and slightly taller than his omega, felt small for once.  
  
"It's okay." Castiel whispered, and it felt weird saying it for the first time. "We're okay." He lightly brushed his fingers along the back of Dean's neck.   
  
And for a moment, even though their lives were far from okay, from normal, from sane, the future seemed promising.   
  
Only for a moment. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you for continuing to read this story. I had half a mind to actual stop writing because I didn't know what I was doing. But nonetheless, thank you.


	23. Please Hold Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be renamed. Read more about the notes section at the end of the chapter. 
> 
> It's almost been a month since I updated this! Apologies! It's spring break so I'll probably have a lot more done before I go back to school.

It had been seven months since Jess, Ruby, Tessa, Jo, Lisa and Kevin had seen any of them. So when they showed up at their front door uninvited, it had been a surprise. It was a good surprise, however. Dean took advantage of their visit, hoping that their presence would help lighten the gloomy mood that had been settling above their heads for the past few weeks.   
  
They were all a little shocked when they laid eyes on Castiel; long scars marked his once beautiful face, scars from bite marks ruining his neck. What shocked them more than his appearance was his timid behavior. He was glued to Dean's side, barely look at them. He was trying to hide his face, trying to hide his shame. Dean protectively wrapped an arm around his omega, pressing a kiss to his forehead.   
  
Dean shot them a look, warning them not to say a word.   
  
An hour went by. Sam had spent the past twenty minutes explaining to them what happened, why they left without notice, and why they couldn't contact them after everything was done and over with. No one complained, no one said anything negative. None of them could help but stare at Castiel and Dean, who were both cuddled up next to each other on the opposite end of the living room, settled on a couch. 

"He lost his baby?" Jo laid a hand over her heart, sincere hurt on her face.   
  
Sam nodded, sighing. "Unfortunately."   
  
"Fucking bastard." Ruby slammed her fist on the dining table. "Fuck."   
  
Kevin looked down. "That's horrible. I can't imagine how he felt."   
  
Jess touch Sam's hands, which were folded on the table. "And Dean, too. It must have been hard."   
  
Sam cleared his throat, moving his hands away. "Yeah. They were both pretty wrecked when we moved here. Cas wouldn't speak for months."   
  
Jo shook her head. "The heartache he must've felt..." Lisa rubbed Jo's back, offering comfort. Jo leaned in.   
  
"Dean did right by fucking murdering the cunt. He doesn't deserve to live life if he takes one." Ruby scoffed. She looked over at the couple on the couch. Castiel's head was laying on Dean's chest comfortably. Dean was stroking his hair, eyes never leaving him. "Look at how much they love each other." She nodded towards them. She snorted, mocking disgust. "It's so fucking cliche."   
  
"I hope someone loves me that much some day." Kevin murmured, mostly to himself.   
  
"Aw, someone will, Kev." Jess ruffled his hair. "Give it time."   
  
  
"So, Cas," Ruby began, trying to hold Castiel's stare. They were in Dean's bedroom. Castiel was sitting on Dean's bed, Ruby sitting at Dean's desk. Lisa and Jo were cross legged on the floor. Kevin was in the living room, talking to Sam about some of the things that happened while they were away. "about your baby..."   
  
"Ruby!" Jo scolded.   
  
"No, it's okay." Castiel reassured, trying to smile. "You can ask, if you want."   
  
Ruby nodded, cautiously. "Your pup...what did it feel like? You know, having life growing inside you?"   
  
Castiel smiled softly, looking down. Thoughtfully, he placed his hands on his stomach, closing his eyes. "Wonderful. I felt whole. I felt warm, loved, content. Knowing that it was Dean's, too, it made me feel special."   
  
"That's beautiful, Cas." Tessa commented, grinning.   
  
"It was." Castiel hummed, agreeing. "While it lasted."   
  
"You didn't deserve that." Ruby shook her head, frowning. "I can't fucking believe he kill-"   
  
Castiel looked away, biting down on his lower lip.   
  
"I'm sorry." Ruby apologized.   
  
Castiel opened his mouth to say that it was okay, but no words came out. It still hurt to think about it.   
  
"Cas?" Dean wandered into the room, drawn in by Castiel's hurt signals. "You okay, baby?"   
  
"Yeah," He sniffled. "I'm fine, I'm fine."   
  
Dean crawled into bed, pulling Castiel into his arms. "You're doing so well. It's okay, you don't have to hide your feelings from them. They're still your friends."   
  
"Yeah, we're still here for you." Ruby reassured.   
  
"Always were." Jo nodded. "We just didn't know how to contact you."   
  
Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, hiding his face in the crook of Dean's neck. He breathed in his alpha's scent, instantaneously calming him. Castiel's heart rate slowed down and he relaxed against Dean. He blocked everything out, only focusing on Dean.   
  
"That's so sweet." Jo cooed to Lisa. "Just look at them!"   
  
"He really is your soul mate, huh?" Ruby folded her arms, softening her gaze.   
  
Dean kissed his omega's head. "Yeah, he is."   
  
"You're lucky." Ruby added. "I'd do anything to have someone love me like you love him."   
  
"Aw, Ruby." Jo awed, causing Ruby to glare at her.   
  
Dean smiled.  
  
  
"I love you." Dean murmured, holding Castiel to his chest. They were laying in bed, naked bodies tangled together. They were covered with a layer of sweat, and it was unbearably hot, but they couldn't pull themselves away from each other.   
  
"I love you, too." Castiel snuggled up, kissing Dean's chest.   
  
"I'm happy that you're with me." The thought instinctively made Dean squeeze Castiel closer possessively.   
  
"It hurts me when you're not here." Castiel whispered. "Like I can't breathe."   
  
"I panic." Dean admitted. "I can't lose something as precious as you. It would kill me...it almost did."   
  
Quiet filled the room. It was comforting, just being able to be in each other's presence without having to say a word. It wasn't awkward or unsettling. It was perfect; exactly how it should be. Making love with Dean only reassured Castiel that Dean really wasn't going to go anywhere, that he was right there with him, protecting him.   
  
"You're my family, Cas." Dean said, kissing Castiel's forehead. "I-if I lost you..."   
  
Castiel pressed his hand up against Dean's chest, feeling his heart beat under his palm."I'm yours."   
  
"Alastair was so close." Dean immediately felt guilty for bringing him up.   
  
"He never was." Castiel assured. "I'm in love with you, Dean.” He tilted his head to nudge his nose against Dean's jaw. Castiel looked up at him, seeing the doubt in Dean’s eyes. “I need you.”  
  
Dean held Castiel closely, feeling the heated surface of Castiel’s flushed skin. He closed his eyes, hating himself for ever doubting Castiel’s fidelity. It felt good to be next to him, to make love to him, to show him just how important he was. There was no one else that Dean would rather be with. And even if they weren’t true mates, Dean would still love him. He would still fall in love with him.  
  
That thought alone ignited a desire within his core, encouraging Dean to dominate his omega again.  
  
As if Castiel could read his mind, he whimpered, slick already soaking the sheets again. Castiel’s hand went up to touch Dean’s chest, his whole body begging to be touched.  
  
“Dean.” Castiel’s voice was hoarse. “Again. Please.”  
  
“Fuck.” Dean rolled on top of him, catching Castiel’s lips, momentarily silence his whimpers. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too.”  
  
  
Sam entered the living room, feeling nervous. He wanted to talk to Gabriel about their status. Before their friends left, Sam casually mentioned that he and Gabriel were sort of an item. What bothered Sam about it was that Gabriel said nothing. He didn't react, didn't add to the statement, nothing. Sam was confused - what were they? Was Sam just a convenience to Gabriel? Or did Gabriel actually have feelings for him? He needed to know.  
  
Gabriel was sitting on the couch, eyes staring at the television.  
  
“Gabe?” Sam called, unable to shake off the nervousness.  
  
“Right here,” Gabriel said, still staring at the television. Sam made his way over, sitting on the opposite end of the couch. Sam stared at his hands, which were fidgeting with each other.  
  
“Gabe, I wanted to talk to you.” Sam had never felt so vulnerable. He was about to lay his emotions on the table for Gabriel.  
  
“About what?” Gabriel sounded uncaring.  
  
Sam drew in a deep breath, his heart threatening to burst through his chest. He never felt anything this strong – not for anyone. Telling this to Gabriel could change everything. And Sam didn’t know if he was ready, but he knew he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. It was too painful.  
  
“I love you.”  
  
 Gabriel looked over, feeling his heart ache with a strange desire. “Sam.”  
  
“Tell me that I’m not just some fling to you.” Tears pooled in Sam’s eyes. “I’ve given you everything I had. We’ve been together for a good part of the year and I don’t even know how you feel about me.”  
  
“Sam, come here.” Gabriel pulled Sam into his arms. Sam instantly welcomed his affection, wrapping his arms around Gabriel’s waist.  
  
Unexpectedly, Sam began to cry.    
  
“You’re important to me.” Gabriel said, holding Sam close.  
  
“I love you.” Sam gasped through his sobs. He wanted to hear Gabriel say it back, he wanted to know how Gabriel felt, and he needed to know that he wasn’t just another relationship to him.  
  
“I know.”  
  
Sam waited for him to say something, trying to avoid a dramatic scene. A few moments went by before Sam felt utterly hopeless.  
  
“Do you love me?” Sam dared to ask, afraid to look Gabriel in the eyes.  
  
There were a few seconds where Gabriel didn’t know how to react. Then he breathed in deeply, and Sam could practically hear the ‘no’.  
  
“I get it.” He didn’t. But he had to leave the room before Gabriel could shatter his heart any more.  
  
“Sam-”  
  
“I thought you loved me.” Sam tried to sound strong. “That’s my mistake.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm renaming this story because I don't think the title suits it anymore. It's going to be renamed "Induratize", which is much more fitting.


	24. Love's Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sabriel chapter because Sabriel.

“Shit.” Dean groaned, slapping his hand over his eyes. “Did you hear that?”  
  
Castiel nodded, frowning. “Sam is crying. I can sense his pain.”  
  
“I heard their conversation. Fuck.” Dean got out of bed, putting his pants on. Castiel followed his lead, putting his clothing on as well. “You wanna get Gabriel? I got Sam.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
  
“Sam?” Dean knocked on his little brother’s bedroom door. “Sammy, c’mon, open up.” When there was no audible movement, Dean tried opening the door himself. Much to his surprise, it was unlocked. Slowly, he opened the door, expecting to see the worst.  
  
But he didn’t. Sam was curled up on his side of the bed, back turned against Gabriel’s. The blankets were pulled up past his shoulders. He was still crying. Dean never saw Sam cry this hard, not since he was a kid.  
  
“Oh, Sammy.” Dean sighed, closing the door behind him. He made his way over to Sam’s side, kneeling down to look his little brother in the eyes.  
  
Sam’s eyes were bright red, raw from rubbing the tears away. They were swollen, too. This was the face of someone who had their heart broken. Since Gabriel was Sam’s first true love, it must feel like the end of the world.  
  
“Hey, little brother.” Dean reached up to touch Sam’s hair. Sam closed his eyes.  
  
“Dean.” He managed to say. He hiccupped.  
  
Dean’s brows pulled together, lips pressed, showing sympathy. “It’s okay.”  
  
That only made things worse as Sam let out another howl-like cry.  
  
“It hurts,” Sam sobbed.  
  
It was hard for Dean not to cry, too. He stroked his brother’s hair, and kissed his forehead.  
  
“You wanna tell me what happened?” Dean suggested, though he doubted Sam would want to talk about it right then.

Sam sniffled. “I thought he loved me.”  
  
“He does.” Dean frowned. “He does love you, Sam.”  
  
Sam shook his head, and he winced. “H-he doesn’t. He s-said.”  
  
“Let me talk to him, okay?” Dean said, standing up. “Maybe there’s some sort of misunderstanding.”  
  
Dean, anger boiling beneath his skin, fought the urge to knock out Gabriel on sight. Castiel was sitting next to him, frowning. Gabriel looked distressed and regretful. He had a hand tugging on his hair as he swept it backwards.  
  
“What the fuck, Gabriel!” Dean growled, stalking toward him.  
  
Castiel jumped up, rushing to Dean, trying to stop him. “Dean, please.” He pressed a hand against Dean’s chest. Dean stopped, still seething.  
  
“You fucked up.” Dean said, his anger was so uncontrollable that it made Castiel feel weak.  
  
“I know!” Gabriel wailed, even more distressed. It was one thing knowing that he broke Sam’s heart, and another knowing that he also upset Dean, too. He admired Dean a lot – his bravery, his compassion, his ability to love without conditions.  
  
Dean took a step forward, Castiel still trying to calm him down.  
  
“Tell me you didn’t fucking break his heart.” Dean was beyond angry, now. He was furious.  
  
“If I did, I didn’t mean to!” Gabriel attempted to defend himself, which only seemed to infuriate Dean even more.  
  
“I can’t fucking believe this.” Dean yelled. Castiel flinched, stepping away. He couldn’t interfere. “I trusted you with him! I thought you actually gave a shit about my little brother!”  
  
“I do!” Gabriel shouted back. “I do care about him!”  
  
Dean smirked, suddenly civil, eyes focused on the other alpha. “So lemme get this straight: you hold him, you kiss him, you fuck him, he gives you everything in return, and you’re telling me you don’t love him?”  
  
“It’s much more complicated than that!”  
  
“Oh great, ‘cause that’s what my baby brother needs right now. More complications.” Dean’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.  
  
“Fuck you, Dean.” Gabriel glared. “Your brother means everything to me.”  
  
Dean suddenly calmed, looking back at Castiel, who was staring up at him in confusion.  
  
“Then fucking tell him that.”  
  
  
Castiel and Dean weren’t in the house. In fact, Dean suggested that they both leave for the rest of the day in order to give Sam and Gabriel a little peace and quiet. When they left, Gabriel breathed out heavily.  
  
“Fuck me.” He cursed himself, running his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes. “Fuck!”  
  
The house was so silent that he could hear Sam’s muffled sobs coming from the bedroom. He sighed, feeling a slight stab in his heart. Slowly and hesitantly, he stood up, making his way to the bedroom.  
  
He stood outside Sam’s bedroom, the pain in his heart strengthened. He raised his hand to knock on the door, but stopped before he could. He rested his hand on the doorknob, turning it gently.  
  
The door opened, creaking. Gabriel, who’s legs were slightly shaking, entered the room, closing the door behind him. He was so nervous.  
  
Sam was completely immersed underneath the blankets, body quivering from suppressed sobs. He’d been crying for a while.  
  
“Sam?” Gabriel broke the silence, surprised that he sounded scared. “I’m sorry.”  
  
An audible cry was heard.  
  
“Sam, please,” Gabriel walked over to him, trying to touch him. As if Sam knew what he was doing, he jerked his arm away. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”  
  
The blanket was thrown, and Sam’s bright red eyes were in view. Gabriel swallowed, horrified at himself for causing Sam such pain.  
  
“Everything we had – it was nothing to you.” It was a statement. Sam’s voice was broken. “You never cared for me. You only wanted me to fulfill your needs.” He almost sounded disgusted.  
  
“That’s not true!” Gabriel’s tone was pleading, scared.   
  
Sam just stared at him, his expression never changing. “I’m in love with you, Gabe. I need more than this. I can’t be friends with benefits.”  
  
Gabriel rested his head on the bed, looking down. “You're not-we're not friends with benefits. You’re everything to me, Sam. Everything. I need you to know that.”  
  
Sam didn’t say anything. He only stared.  
  
“I-I can’t say the words. I can’t.” Gabriel confessed guiltily. He looked away, shaking his head. He couldn’t meet Sam’s eyes. “Everyone has baggage. I mean, you can’t make it this far without having any. But mine happens to be,” Gabriel paused, finding the right word to use. “tragic.”  
  
“How?” Sam asked.  
  
Gabriel looked back at Sam, somehow finding the courage to gaze into his eyes. He scoffed at the resurfacing memory and licked his lips.  
   
“It was back in freshman year of college.” Gabriel began. “There was this female beta. She was beautiful, absolutely stunning.” He smiled a little bit. “We had our art classes together. All of them. We always stared at each other without ever meeting, and one day she decided to acquaint me and from then on, we grew close. She was sweet, charismatic, charming.” Gabriel looked down. “I was captivated.”  
  
“What happened?”  
  
“I told her I loved her after three months.” Gabriel’s voice broke, and Sam could see that the memory still hurt him. "Bit early, I guess, but feelings are feelings."  
  
“...she didn’t love you back?” Sam asked, knowing well he was treading in deep waters.  
  
Gabriel put a hand over his face, harshly rubbing it. He looked angry and he was clearly upset, but underneath that, there was pain. Lots of it.  
  
“She couldn’t.” Gabriel found himself struggling to continue. “It was impossible for her to.”  
  
Sam couldn’t quite understand. “Why?”  
  
Gabriel sighed, feeling much more frustrated than he wanted to be. “Because she was completely incapable of feeling that way.” Gabriel looked at Sam, seeing the confusion all over his face. “She was fucked up, Sam. Really fucked up. And after telling her I loved her, I-”  
  
“What?” Sam frowned, curious.  
  
He sighed. “I’ve been afraid. I don’t want to ever feel that kind of pain ever again.”    
  
“I’m sorry.” Sam didn’t know what else to say.  
  
Gabriel studied Sam, scrutinizing the alpha. He didn’t speak for a few moments as he carefully raised his hand to touch Sam’s face, touching the tears that rested on his cheeks. Sam was different. He wasn't some college crush. He was someone he could picture being with for a very long time.   
  
“I never meant to hurt you.” He was sincere. “But do know that I really do care about you.”  
  
“I know.” Sam answered truthfully. “I know.”  
  
Gabriel brushed away Sam’s tears with his thumb. Sam was comforting. Gabriel felt safe around him, he felt protected, he felt the need to protect. Sam was always there for him, and he felt attached to him ever since their first kiss. It was all Gabriel could ever think about.  
  
Sam did mean everything to him. Losing him would be the equivalent to losing Castiel. He never wanted to see Sam get hurt, let alone be the one hurting him. Gabriel knew that they weren’t true mates, and that they never could be, but to him that didn’t matter. It just felt _right_.  
  
And to Sam, Gabriel was his whole world. That honey-eyed alpha had his heart, and he was free to do whatever he pleased with it. Sam trusted him wholly, loved everything about him, including all his little quirks and habits. Sam wanted to be his for a long time and was willing to do anything to keep him.  
  
“I want you.” Sam murmured, intently staring into Gabriel’s eyes.  
  
“Sam, I don’t think now’s the right time considering…” Gabriel allowed his statement to trail off.  
  
Sam grabbed Gabriel’s wrist, holding him there. “Please.” Sam pleaded. “I need to feel you. Can we just forget this happened? Please?”  
  
“Are-” Gabriel hesitated. “are you sure that’s what you want? You sure you can do this now?”  
  
“Gabe, I want you.”  
  
Gabriel breathed out, feeling overwhelmed with desire. “I’ll do whatever you want me to, okay?”  
  
Sam pulled him, crushing their lips together painfully. He leaned in, desperate to feel all of Gabriel. He pushed himself up and Gabriel followed his lead, climbing onto the bed to hover over Sam. Sam pulled away, needing air.  
  
“Sam…” Gabriel groaned. It was all he needed to say, and Sam knew.    
  
He nodded. “God, please.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?  
> (P.S. I'll be editing everything that I've written for this story. Plot won't change, although there're some things I wish I hadn't done, but I feel like I should polish this story before the end, you know?)


	25. Cavanaugh

It had been a few days since they’ve been back at the house.  
  
Dean woke up suddenly to the sound of Castiel whimpering in his sleep. He was twitching, trying to move closer to Dean, but was restricted by blankets. Dean moved closer, wrapping his arms around his omega, pulling Castiel close to his chest. He buried his nose into his hair, inhaling.   
  
Dean moaned, which was an unusual response. Dean, who thought Castiel was the hottest thing in the world, never vocally expressed his lust for his mate when he caught a whiff of Castiel’s scent.   
  
It was uncharacteristically sweet, which only intoxicated Dean’s mind. Without realizing it, he moved his hand to grab a fistful of Castiel’s hair, pulling him even closer. He breathed in with his mouth, tasting the enhanced scent. And accidentally, he tugged. Hard.  
  
Castiel cried, a high-pitch squeal that made Dean jump, snapping him back into reality. Castiel pushed away, tears emitting from his eyes. He whimpered loudly, curling in on himself. He was still half asleep, but completely aware of the pain.   
  
Dean hurt him.   
  
“Shit. Cas?” Dean reached out, seeing his mate with new eyes. “Cas, baby, it’s just me. I’m sorry.”   
  
He wailed, losing control over his emotions. Castiel began to sob, continuing to stray away.   
  
“Cas, are you okay?” Dean pushed himself upright, feeling protective.   
  
Castiel instinctively reach for his tummy. “Don’t hurt us.” His voice was barely a murmur.  
  
It took a moment for Dean to process his words. He stared at his weeping omega in shock, confused. Does Castiel even know what he’s saying? Or is he just sleep talking? Maybe it’s one of his nightmares?   
  
“Not again, please.” Castiel mumbled, hands falling back to his sides. He cried quietly.   
  
Dean reached out, slowly laying a hand on Castiel’s stomach, right where Castiel had his hands. And almost immediately, he felt a jolt of electricity course through him, giving him life.   
  
Dean gasped, coiling his hand away.   
  
He laid back down and stared at the ceiling.   
  
“Shit.”   
  
  
“Are you absolutely sure?” Dean asked for the third time.   
  
“Positive.” Gabriel confirmed. “Remember how I knew that he was pregnant the last time?”   
  
“Yeah.” Dean sighed, pressing his palm against his forehead. “Fuck. Yeah, I remember.”   
  
“He’s going to need you when he wakes up. And you are sure that he was sleep when he said that?”   
  
“Yes. Yeah, fuck.”   
  
“Keep calm. The last thing he needs is a panicked alpha.” Gabriel reminded. “He needs to feel loved. He’ll be feeling extremely self-conscious and worried, which is normal. But you know him. He’s been through a crap load of shit.”   
  
“I know. I-I will-”  
  
“Dean?”   
  
Gabriel hung up. Dean assumed that he heard Castiel call. Dean sighed, shoving the cell phone into his pocket.   
  
“Hey,” He walked back into the bedroom, crawling back into bed with his mate. “how are you feeling?”   
  
“Good,” Castiel held his arms open. Dean pulled him into a hug, his heart beating fast. “you okay? You seem…anxious?”   
  
Dean stayed quiet, trying to control himself. It only made Castiel worry even more.   
  
“Dean?” Castiel’s voice taking on a panicked tone. “What’s wrong?”   
  
“Nothing.” Dean’s hold tightened. “I just love you.”   
  
Castiel relaxed. “I love you, too.”   
  
Dean searched in Castiel’s eyes for any signs of reluctance or fear, but nothing. If Castiel knew he was pregnant, he was keeping it from Dean. But why? Why couldn’t he just tell him?   
  
“We’re going back home.” Dean murmured in his ear, proceeding to kiss the space underneath his earlobe.   
  
Castiel smiled. “Okay.”   
  
  
The car ride back was slightly uncomfortable for Dean. He wanted to talk about Castiel’s pregnancy, but didn’t want to upset Castiel with the fact that he knows. Deep within, he was excited. They were given a second chance at making a family, and Dean was already dead set on protecting his little family with his life.  
  
Their hands intertwined, resting on Castiel’s lap. Dean had one hand placed on the steering wheel, eyes paying more attention to Castiel than the road. Castiel rested his head against the window, staring at the view of plains and farm houses.   
  
Castiel moved his other hand to rest at the bottom of his abdomen. Dean pressed his lips together.   
  
“You okay?” Dean asked, glancing back at the road.   
  
“Mhm.” Castiel hummed, squeezing Dean’s hand.   
  
Dean frowned. “You sure?”   
  
“Yes,” Castiel nodded, looking over. “why?”   
  
Dean shrugged, looking away. “Just worried about you.”   
  
“I’m fine.” Castiel assured, leaning over to kiss Dean’s cheek.   
  
Dean dropped the subject. “Good.”   
  
  
When they arrived back home, it was almost midnight. Castiel was fast asleep in the passenger’s side, his hand still loosely holding Dean’s. Dean carried his mate inside, quietly and gently laying him on the bed. He kissed his lips before laying his hand against Castiel’s stomach, feeling the energy within.   
  
He breathed out shakily. Before leaving, he laid a blanket overtop Castiel, feeling the sudden urge to protect him.   
  
“Dean?” Sam stopped at the doorway. Dean left the room, looking back at Castiel one last time before closing the door.   
  
“Hey,” Dean greeted his brother. “where’s Gabriel?”   
  
“Right here.” Gabriel stepped out from the bathroom.   
  
He led them into the living room. Sam and Gabriel sat together, across from Dean. Dean laid back on the couch, taking in a deep breath.   
  
“So he really is…”   
  
“Yeah,” Dean interrupted Sam’s sentence. “he is. He isn’t talking to me about it.”  
  
“He’s probably scared.” Gabriel guessed.   
  
“Of what?” Dean asked. “I’m not mad or upset. Nervous, sure. But I couldn’t get mad at him.”   
  
“No, I don’t think he’s afraid of you,” Gabriel shook his head. “I think he’s afraid of what will happen if anyone else finds out.”

“He thinks-” Dean paused, realizing. “he thinks he’ll lose it.”   
  
“Someone might take it away from him again. He’s lost two already, Dean.” Gabriel said, feeling guilty, as if it were his fault.   
  
“Two too many.” Sam uttered.   
  
There was a brief moment of silence.   
  
“What am I supposed to do?” Dean queried, rubbing his eyes. “I need to talk to him.”   
  
“Let him tell you on his own terms.” Gabriel suggested. “It’s one thing to be pregnant, but to be a pregnant omega is ten times as dangerous. Omegas are rare enough. You know as well as I do that there are some fucked up people willing to do anything to keep one. I think the best thing you can do is give him your undivided attention, protect him, love him, and make him feel safe. Let him know that no one’s going to hurt you or him.”   
  
Dean sighed, already feeling exhausted. “What about Alastair’s men?”   
  
“We’ll deal with that.” Gabriel assured. “Sam’s already tailing one right now.”   
  
Dean nodded, mind still side-tracked. “Okay, okay, great.”   
  
“Go to bed, Dean.” Gabriel said. “He’s gonna need you when he wakes up.”   
  
  
Just like the previous morning, Castiel was whimpering for Dean. His eyes were closed but his hands were reaching out for his alpha.   
  
But Dean wasn’t there.   
  
Once Castiel’s subconscious realized this, he began to sob erratically. Tears were streaming down his face within seconds. He was like a lost puppy.   
  
Dean ran out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but boxers. His hair was still wet from the shower he took, heart beating frantically.  
  
“I’m right here, baby,” Dean didn’t waste time pulling his omega into his arms, curling around him protectively. “I’m not leaving you.”   
  
Castiel’s sobs dulled into hiccups and sniffles, hands touching Dean’s chest. “Sorry, m’sorry.”   
  
“It’s okay,” Dean whispered. “you panicked, that’s okay.”   
  
“I’m pregnant,” He blurted, hiding his face. He didn’t even hesitate.  
  
Even though Dean already knew, it still startled him. “What?”   
  
Castiel found it hard to look him in the eye. “I’m pregnant.” He sniffled.  
  
“Y-you’re-”  
  
“Yes,” Castiel said, sounding scared. “I am.”   
  
Dean kissed Castiel’s hair, then proceeded to kiss him everywhere. He laid Castiel back down onto the bed, hovering on top of him. He tried to kiss Castiel’s fear away, hoping that it was fear of the reveal and not of his reaction.   
  
It also made sense as to why Castiel was, for lack of better words, needy. His hormones must be running wild. Dean hesitantly reached for Castiel’s stomach, trying to feel that same electric shock he felt earlier. But Castiel rolled over, curling himself up in a ball, protecting himself. Dean moved, sitting next to his mate. He laid a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.   
  
“We have to protect this baby.” Castiel commanded.  
  
“We will.” Dean agreed. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to either of you.”   
  
Castiel touched his stomach, feeling both excited and scared. And it was a shame, really, that he couldn’t experience solely excitement of his pregnancy. He did that once, and it was the biggest mistake of his life.   
  
  
Months went by and Castiel’s stomach protruded outward. Sam, Gabriel, Tessa, Lisa, Jo, Kevin, Jess, and Ruby were beyond ecstatic. Jo and Lisa were all over Castiel, constantly cooing and asking questions. Ruby didn’t show her excitement, but she was really happy for him. Even proving so by organizing a little get together, celebrating the news.   
  
Sam and Gabriel managed to push passed the troubles they were having, building themselves a healthy relationship.   
  
“Aw, when will we know its gender?” Jo smiled.   
  
“We never asked.” Dean said, squeezing Castiel’s hand. “We want to wait it out.”   
  
“But how will I know what stuff to buy?!” Jo whined. Lisa giggled, hooking her arm around Jo’s.   
  
“Jo, you should respect their decision. I think it’s cute. It’d kind of be like a surprise.” Lisa shrugged, smiling.   
  
After everybody left, Sam re-entered the living room with his laptop in hand, brows knit together in concern. He looked up from his laptop, the light glow of the screen reflecting in his eyes. Castiel shifted in his seat.   
  
“What’s wrong?” He asked, the first one to notice Sam’s discomfort.   
  
Sam walked over to Castiel, sitting in the spot next to him. He placed the laptop onto Castiel’s lap, pointing at the screen.  
  
“You remember that guy I was keeping tabs on a few months back?” Sam queried. “I found out who it was.”   
  
Castiel’s heart thudded as he stared at the familiar face. It was a criminal record of a man he forgot and never wanted to see again. Except this time, he was under an alias of James Cavanaugh. His mug shot was of him grinning manically at the camera. He changed his appearance; his hair was dyed blond, obviously proven by his dark roots. He had an undistinguishable tattoo on the right side of his neck. He didn’t look like himself at all. In fact, if his eyes weren’t those unmistakable transparent blue, then Castiel wouldn’t have known who it was in the first place.   
  
His heart leaped in his chest as he read his status. Missing.   
  
James Cavanaugh – _Azazel_ – was missing. But he wasn’t. And they all knew that. He wasn’t going to give up. He was one of Alastair’s right hand men.   
  
Castiel breathed in, trying to calm himself down. He couldn’t stress himself out. Not in his state.   
  
“Cas, we have to tell Gabe and Dean. Then we have to get out of here.” Sam swallowed, reaching for his laptop.   
  
“I thought he would have moved on.” Castiel said, eyes glued to the screen.   
  
“They were all trained psychopaths. They were loyal to Alastair. I figured that out within the first few hours of my stay.” Sam tried to reason. “He’s crazy.”   
  
“And dangerous. He’s extremely dangerous.” Castiel added. “Alastair’s people were his people. He probably had more.”   
  
Sam bit down on his lower lip, closing his laptop. There had to be something he could do, something that could throw off Azazel.

  
“Where’s Dean?” Castiel tried to lift himself off the couch. Sam held him back.   
  
“I’ll call him. Just relax, okay?” Sam advised, reaching for his cell phone.   
  
He dialed Dean’s number, anxiously waiting. After a few rings, he picked up.   
  
“Hello?”   
  
“Dean? Where are you guys?” Sam looked over at Castiel, who began to hug his tummy.   
  
“On our way back from the Uni. Finally got transferred outta there.” Dean sighed, relieved. “Is Cas okay?”   
  
“He is. Listen, you guys got to get back here as quickly as you can.” Sam urged. “There’s something we have to talk about.”   
  



	26. Garden

The omega was wailing, and not like he used to. It sounded more like howling than it did wailing, but to Dean, it was just as heartbreaking. Castiel wrapped his arms protectively around his beach ball sized stomach. He could practically feel the little ball of energy project outwards, making itself known to its parents.   
  
Dean was there to comfort him, a hand touching his lover’s back. He was sitting on his legs behind him, kissing the back of Castiel’s neck.   
  
He hated upsetting Castiel.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Dean’s words were full of regret.   
  
Castiel let out a small wail, a constant flow of tears streaming from his eyes. They just managed to create a home for their pup, and now it was going to be taken away.   
  
“I-I can’t,” Castiel shook his head. “I can’t do this.”   
  
Dean could basically hear his heart shatter.   
  
“I’m so sorry,” Dean rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder. “There aren’t any other options.”   
  
Castiel slumped away from Dean, falling onto the bed as he continued to sob, a hand still caressing his baby bump. All he ever wanted was a family; safe, loving, whole. But as long as Alastair’s men are out there, he’ll never have one. It was next to impossible.   
  
“I can kill him.”   
  
Castiel jolted upright, tropical blue eyes wide. He grabbed onto Dean’s forearm, the other hand still on his stomach.   
  
“Please don’t.”   
  
Dean raised a hand to touch Castiel’s cheek.   
  
“It’s the only certain way we’ll know that he’ll never come back.” Dean tried to reason, his guilt slowly weaving itself permanently into his heart.   
  
“You can get yourself killed,” Castiel’s voice cracked, more tears pooling in his eyes.   
  
“If it means keeping my family safe,” Dean half-smiled. “Then I’m going to do whatever it takes.”   
  
Castiel looked down at proof of his pregnancy. There was absolutely no way in hell he’d ever let Dean kill another living soul again.   
  
“No way,” Sam shook his head stubbornly. “You are not killing him. No one’s killing him.”   
  
“He took advantage of _my_ mate,” Dean said through clenched teeth. “He abused him, terrified him, made him feel weak, Sam. He’s not gonna to be able to walk after I’m done with him.”   
  
Sam sighed. “I don’t know, Dean. Maybe that’s just it. There’s other ways of dealing with this. You can’t just kill people.”   
  
“You make me sound like a murderer,” Dean paused, realizing what he said. “I get it.”

“I don’t want to tell you what I think you should do, but please think logically. You scared the life out of Cas – he couldn’t speak for months! Think about it from his perspective; he’s mated with someone that killed someone else. And his past?” Sam shook his head, mind completely overwhelmed. “He’s seen a lot of violence.”   
  
Dean understood where his brother was coming from. His thoughts were irrational, but completely involuntary. It was his primary instinct to protect his omega no matter what. If it meant killing the problem, then he cannot be reasoned out of it. But the consequences of doing so could be much worse than the actual act of killing. Dean doesn’t want Castiel to be afraid of him.   
  
That’s the last thing he wanted.   
  
“Dean?” Castiel cautiously entered the room, trying not to interrupt. “I think I need your help.”   
  
And that’s when it hit him – arousal.   
  
“Sam-“  
  
“I’m gonna be with Gabe,” Sam was already out of the room.   
  
Dean turned to look at his mate. “Hey, babe,” He walked over to him, kissing his forehead.   
  
“Can we-“   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
  
  
It was harder to have sex with a pregnant partner. The large stomach got in the way, and there was always the fear of being too rough. But Dean’s hands were always soft, lovingly touching every curve on his omega’s body.   
  
Castiel was laying on his back, legs spread apart. Dean thrusted gently, the amount of slick being produced was more than enough.   
  
Castiel held Dean’s arms, which were propped up on either side. He had his eyes closed, mouth parted, both moaning and gasping for air.   
  
“Dean, please,” Castiel writhed. Dean was teasing him, the head of his cock barely inside. Castiel’s fingers dug into Dean’s arms as he pushed himself up, his body craving.   
  
Dean bottomed out, earning him a satisfied moan from his lover. He leaned down, kissing the apex of his mate’s swollen tummy.   
  
“Not enough, not enough!” Castiel was on the verge of crying, wanting more and more. Suddenly, he pushed Dean off of him, throwing his alpha onto the mattress. Castiel climbed on top of him, guiding Dean’s cock into his hole. Once he slid down, he rode.   
  
It was the roughest move Castiel has ever pulled on Dean. Castiel had his head thrown back, both hands pressed against Dean’s abdomen as he roughly fucked his alpha. Dean was panting, watching his omega attentively. It turned him on even more so, seeing and feeling Castiel dominating him.   
  
Castiel climaxed almost immediately, screaming. He collapsed on Dean, holding onto him as if he were going to leave. Dean’s orgasm hit him like a wave. He came inside his omega, grunting as he knotted themselves together. He grabbed at him roughly, needing to know that his omega was safe.   
  
Castiel was panting, head barely resting on Dean’s abdomen thanks to the huge beach ball of a stomach stuck between them. Castiel felt like crying. It’s been months since he could press his entire body up against Dean. He always felt safe in that position, and it was frustrating him to no end that he couldn’t do it anymore.   
  
Tears prickled his eyes as panic started to settle, and Dean immediately felt Castiel’s anxiety.   
  
“Cas,” Dean whispered, sitting upright so that both their tummies touched. He tried wrapping his arms around him like he used to, but his fingertips only reached his waist. “What’s wrong?”   
  
Castiel shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. Dean never got used to Castiel crying, it always sparked a strong concern to the alpha. Even though they were mated and the bond itself was meant for the omega to feel loved and protected, sometimes Dean had to show it. And it wasn’t always easy.   
  
“I love you,” Castiel couldn’t look him in the eye.   
  
“I love you, too,” Dean leaned down to kiss Castiel’s tummy. “It’s gonna be okay, baby.”  
  
Castiel was shaking. “I’m scared.”   
  
“To be honest, I am too,” Dean brought a hand up to stroke Castiel’s hair. “But I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”   
  
“For the baby,” Castiel shook his head. “I feel like something bad is going to happen to the baby.”  
  
“You know I’d never let that happen,” Dean frowned, a gut wrenching feeling in his stomach.   
  
Castiel nodded. “I know, but I don’t think you can stop it.”   
  
“Cas?” Dean frowned, suddenly terrified. “What are you talking about?”   
  
“Azazel,” Castiel broke down in tears, feeling dirty.   
  
Dean’s teeth clenched at the name. It infuriated him – he wanted to everyone and anyone who took part in Castiel’s kidnapping. Dean pulled away from Castiel, throwing on his t-shirt and jeans. Castiel sat on the bed, trying to control his sobs. He stroked his tummy, profusely apologizing to his unborn child for being a wuss.   
  
Dean grabbed one of his own t-shirts, a white one, and started dressing Castiel.   
  
“I’ll take you somewhere,” Dean said, kissing Castiel’s forehead.   
  
“Where? Why?”   
  
“You’ll like it. It’ll make you feel better,” Dean promised, pulling the white t-shirt past Castiel’s round stomach.   
  
Castiel didn’t argue. He pulled on his pants, held Dean’s hand, and followed his lead.   
  
  
  
Castiel breathed, hardly believing his eyes.   
  
He stood in the middle of a flower garden, hundreds of bumblebees buzzing around him happily. It was a garden that the little town dedicated to the bumblebees, as they were an important part of nature, and very underrated.   
  
Along with hundreds of bumblebees, there were hundreds of flowers. Sunflowers, daisies, roses, daffodils, tulips, bluebells, all of which creating one of the most beautiful arrangements Castiel’s ever seen.   
  
Dean was staring at his mate the entire time, smiling at his reaction. It was refreshing to see him genuinely happy for once.   
  
Dean had found the flower garden after overhearing a woman talking about it at the grocery store. She had mentioned that it wasn’t visited often, only once or twice every day by the gardener, and rarely by the residents as they’ve already seen it more than enough times.   
  
Castiel kneeled down in front of a purple tulip, his fingers lightly grazing a petal. He watched a fuzzy little bumblebee climb out. It reminded him of the house he had to abandon. He liked it there. He grinned.   
  
“Thank you,” he looked up at Dean gratefully. “It reminds me of home.”   
  
“Home…?”  
  
“Home. The town where we first met,” he turned back to the flower, intently paying attention to its detail. The tulip had a small scratch.   
  
Dean kneeled next to him, kissing his cheek. “I wanted to show you something to hold onto.”   
  
“I have more than enough,” Castiel assured, laying a hand atop his stomach. “I just want us to be safe.”  
  
“We will,” Dean stared at the flower, too. “We are.”   
  



	27. Man Down

Dean glared at his reflection in the puddle beneath his feet. It was raining a few hours earlier, enough for grassy fields to create giant water puddles. The rain left an overcast over the little town for the rest of the day. The overcast mirrored Dean’s feelings; dark, gloomy. Dean didn’t want to go behind Castiel’s back, but he promised his mate that he’d do whatever it took to protect his family. This meant lying to Castiel – which Dean hated doing. As far as Castiel knew, Dean was out running errands.   
  
He was standing in the middle of a deserted field, waiting for Azazel. He knew Azazel had been following them for the past few weeks, watching them with a close eye. Dean wasn’t an idiot, he knew when someone was staring at him from a mile away. Azazel was a little more discrete than Alastair had been the first time they met; Alastair standing underneath a tree at their old University, only a couple dozen meters away from where Dean and Castiel stood in the centre of the plaza.   
  
Azazel liked to disguise himself. _James Cavanaugh._ Dean first noticed him when he was in the parking lot of a Supermarket. Azazel was standing outside his silver Corvette, pretending to fumble with his keys. He darted glances at Dean every few seconds for a good minute. He dyed his hair platinum, matching his contact lenses.   
  
Dean pretended he didn’t know who he was, choosing to ignore him and continue shopping.   
  
Of course, when Dean came home, he ran straight to Castiel. He held him, kissed his head, and told him who he saw. Castiel was frozen with fear, clinging to his alpha like tape. They stayed inside for three whole days.    
  
But now, Dean wasn’t running home to Castiel. He wasn’t going to tell Castiel who he was about to see. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Castiel what he was about to do.   
  
Dean looked up when he heard a shuffle. Platinum hair, matching eyes – no longer the transparent blue – and a cheeky grin. Azazel sauntered toward him like a leech. Dean waited, feeling his pistol burn the skin of his lower back.   
  
“Winchester,” Azazel grinned wide, white teeth on display like knives.   
  
Dean didn’t greet him. His finger twitched for the gun.   
  
Azazel looked different since Dean last saw him in person. The tattoo on his neck, now looking like a detailed symbol, was much more visible. His skin was paler, but that was because of his hair. He looked taller, but not taller than Dean. His grin was mocking like he was going to burst out in laughter any second.   
  
“Pleasure to see you again,” Azazel stopped a few feet away, his boots slushing in a puddle.   
  
“Can’t say the same,” Dean retorted, glowering.   
  
Azazel laughed in return, looking at Dean’s shoes.   
  
"Shame, Dean," Azazel shrugged, nonchalantly. "And a little hurtful. After all we've been through?"   
  
"What do you want, Azazel?" Dean asked, annoyed.

“Castiel’s expecting,” he muttered, matter-of-factly. “That must be exciting.”   
  
Dean felt his neck flush, the rest of his body glowing with anger. Dean didn’t want to know what was going through Azazel’s head. Dean knew that if he knew, Azazel’s head would be off faster than thoughts could process.   
  
“Look, ya sick fuck,” Dean took in a deep breath. “This is how it’s gonna happen; you’re gonna walk away, or you’re gonna die.”   
  
Azazel busted out laughing. “I see generosity isn’t an attribute of yours.”   
  
Dean’s hand twitched, and before he knew it, his gun was aiming between Azazel’s eyes. His finger waved over the trigger, gripping the gun hard. Azazel sighed.   
  
“You really shouldn’t do that,” Azazel warned. “I wouldn’t, if I were you.”   
  
“I’ll do what I damn well please.”   
  
“And risk Castiel dying?” Azazel snorted. “Seems highly unlikely, but if he means _that_ much to you – ”  
  
“Dying?” Dean frowned, lowering the gun by a centimeter.   
  
“Yes,” Azazel was quickly becoming annoyed. “Dying. You know, six feet under. Dead. _Mort_.”   
  
“What did you do to him, you son of a bitch!” Dean shoved him, the barrel of the gun jammed between two of Azazel’s ribs, pointing directly at his heart.   
  
Azazel groaned. “Relax, Mother Hen, Castiel’s completely unharmed as of this moment. But if you continue to point that damn thing at me, then I can’t hold that promise anymore.”   
  
Dean’s hands were shaking. Debating on whether or not it was a good idea to trust him was difficult, considering he was the cause of his omega’s worries. He lowered the gun.   
  
“There, isn’t that–”  
  
_Bang. Bang._  
  
Dean landed on his back, eyes wide with shock. His head landed in the flooding patch of grass. The gun in his hand was hot. He had fired. Dean tried lifting up his head for a second. In that second, he saw Azazel face down, head turned to face him. His eyes were open, unblinking. His mouth was open, blood pouring out. Laying on the grass next to his hip, there was a gun.  
  
Dean’s vision focused, seeing blood soaking through his shirt at an alarming rate. And at that moment, rain started to pour, shower-like droplets wetting his face. Dean laid back down, his vision spotting black.   
  
He’d been shot.   



	28. Keres

Castiel had been crying non-stop for hours. His lungs hurt when he inhaled. The were overworked and exhausted. His eyes were sore, raw from the rubbing, wet from the tears. He could sense that his pup was worried about him, and he wanted nothing more than to remain calm for it, but he couldn’t.  
  
They wouldn’t let Castiel into the room. They were prepping Dean for surgery – the bullet was broken into six shards, one punctured his left lung. The blood loss was more than they thought, and transfusions had to be made. Castiel’s heart hurt just thinking about it.  
  
He wanted to see Dean. He hadn’t seen him since the morning, and he only knew that Dean was hurt when the police officers arrived to his house.  
  
Sam and Gabriel were sitting beside him, Sam’s hand in Gabriel’s. Gabriel was trying to soothe Castiel by reassuring him that Dean was going to be okay, and that he would never leave him. But all it was doing was making him even more anxious. All he wanted to do was see Dean, just for one second, just so he knows that he’s there.  
  
The pain Castiel was feeling was indescribable; imagine hearing that your mate had been shot, and no one is letting you see them. It’s been hours, and you still don’t know how he’s doing, or if he’ll even make it. Think about the child you're about to bring into the world. Think about raising that child by yourself, knowing that they’ll never know their other parent because they were trying to protect their family.  
  
That’s how Castiel felt.  
  
“Castiel, please,” Gabriel was tired of hearing his baby brother cry.  
  
“Your mate’s not the one in there,” Castiel strained through clenched teeth.  
  
Gabriel looked down, feeling Sam’s hand tighten around his.  
  
At that moment, the surgeon stepped out of the room. He still wore his smock, little blood stains were spattered all along the front. The sight made Castiel feel lightheaded because he knew whose blood it was. He couldn’t concentrate.  
  
Sam stood up, eyes bloodshot, and swollen.  
  
“Is my brother okay?” his voice was hoarse from crying.  
  
The surgeon looked down, taking off his glasses. He clasped his hands together, squinting when he met Sam's gaze again.   
  
“He had a stroke,” the surgeon began. “Part of his brain wasn’t receiving enough oxygen during the surgery. As of this moment, he is in a coma.”  
  
“Can we see him?” Sam managed to say, eyes darting to the door.  
  
“Unfortunately–”  
  
“Please,” Castiel said, arms around his stomach. “I need to see him.”  
  
The surgeon nodded once in understanding.  
  
“Twenty minutes.”  
  
Castiel nodded quickly, sniffling. They waited patiently until they were let inside. When they stepped into the room, Castiel nearly collapsed. Gabriel caught him before he smacked into the ground, tears recollecting in his eyes. He didn’t want to look up and see his how hurt his mate was.   
  
He felt like he was dying. His heart hurt with every beat it took, his breathing became short and shallow. His whole body was giving up in him. The little pup inside him could feel it. Gabriel held his baby brother up with one arm, the other held Castiel’s head to his chest, offering comfort.  
  
Sam made his way over to Dean’s side, barely able to keep himself together. He took hold of Dean’s hand, falling into the chair beside him. He laid his head on the bed, forehead touching Dean’s arm. His body shook with every silent sob, and Gabriel was caught between comforting Sam, and keeping his brother from falling apart.  
  
Dean’s eyes were closed. He was dressed in a light blue hospital gown, his waist down covered by a white blanket. An IV was attached to him, poked through the inside of his elbow. The heart monitor was beeping steadily, the only sound in the room other than crying.  
  
Castiel looked up, eyes blurry from the tears. The bond was pulling him closer, pleading for his presence. He took a step towards him, despite Gabriel’s hold, and he nearly fell.  
  
“Castiel, let me help you,” Gabriel’s voice was gentle.  
  
Castiel was led to the other side of Dean’s bed, across from Sam. Once he was there, he felt relieved of the intense pressure that was pulling him down.  
  
Gabriel grabbed a chair from a corner of the room and brought it over. Castiel sat down, his hands immediately wrapped themselves around his belly. Then, it nudged.  
  
“The baby’s moving,” Castiel choked, he concentrated on Dean’s face. “She wants to know if her daddy’s going to be okay.”  
  
Castiel looked up to Gabriel, more tears welling up.  
  
“I can’t answer her,” he cried, his voice breaking.  
  
“She?”  
  
Castiel nodded, looking away. “Gabe, I can’t answer her.”  
  
“She knows,” Gabriel assured. “Dean will be okay.”  
  
“What if he’s not?” Castiel dared himself to ask, heart shattering at the idea.  
  
“Hey,” Gabriel frowned, kneeling in front of his brother. “He made you a promise, didn’t he? He made a promise to the both of you. Do you remember?”  
  
It was the first promise Dean had ever made to him. Right after he told him what had happened to him in the past, Dean left, but came back. He made a promise then, and he kept to it. For the past year, all Dean had ever done was fight for him, protect him, and love him.  
  
“He said he’d never leave me,” Castiel said, staring at Dean.  
  
The symptoms of an oncoming panic attack were showing. Castiel could feel the itchiness under his skin vibrate, threatening to break free, and swallow him whole. Castiel’s hold around his belly tightened. It was the last thing keeping him in control – the baby.  
  
There was loud knock on the door, one that made everyone, besides Dean, jump. Gabriel walked over to the door.  
  
Standing behind the door were three police officers.  
  
“Hello,” Gabriel greeted, skeptically.  
  
“Hello, are you Sam Winchester?” the first police officer asked.  
  
“I am,” Sam stared, wiping tears from his face.  
  
He stood up, letting go of Dean’s hand.  
  
“What can I help you with?” he sniffed, wiping his eyes.  
  
“We’ve identified the body of male found dead beside your brother,” the officer began. “He is known as Azazel Keres. Does the name sound familiar to you?”  
  
“Azazel?” Gabriel frowned, pulling Sam back.  
  
“Azazel Keres, sir. We have evidence showing that there was an altercation between Dean Winchester and Azazel Keres, resulting in Mister Keres’s death, and Mister Winchester’s injury,” the officer confirmed.  
  
“That fuck kidnapped my brother,” he muttered, angrily, looking back to check on him.  
The officers followed his gaze. The first officer nodded, looking away.  
  
“He is no longer a threat,” the officer continued.  
  
Gabriel nodded, grinding his teeth.  
  
“Thank you, officers,” Sam looked down, trying to keep from breaking down.  
  
The officers left. Sam closed the door. Castiel was staring at them, no longer crying.  
  
“He’s dead?” Castiel asked, brows curved upward.  
  
Gabriel smiled. “Yeah, he is.”  
  
Castiel looked back at Dean. “He’s dead, Dean,” he reached out to touch his hand. “You did it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of writing another Dean/Cas story. This one's almost coming to an end.


	29. Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short & sweet. This story's coming to a rapid end.

The very next morning, Castiel went into labor.   
  
It didn’t last very long – six hours. The birth was excruciatingly painful. They pumped a large amount of morphine into Castiel’s body, enough to numb every single nerve, but the amount of pain was past overwhelming.   
  
Gabriel sat next to his panting brother, holding his hand the entire time. Sam stayed with Dean, making sure nothing happened to him. Gabriel watched as his baby brother cried out in pain, screaming, sweating, and crying. At one point, Gabriel pleaded the doctors to perform a caesarean section, but the baby was already too far into the birth to safely proceed.   
  
Castiel gave birth to a baby girl.   
  
She had a small mop of brown hair, and had heterochromia; one eye was vibrantly blue, just like Castiel’s, whereas the other was a deep green, mirroring Dean’s.   
  
Castiel was too weak to hold her, so Gabriel held her for him. She was weeping when Castiel reached up to touch her foot. His breathing was shallow, eyes droopy, and skin was grey and damp with sweat.   
  
The doctors feared he’d flatline.   
  
“Cas, relax, lay back down, you have forever to hold her,” Gabriel handed the baby back to the nurse.   
  
“I jus-I just wanna,” Castiel tried reaching for her, but his arms went limp.   
  
Gabriel kissed his brother’s forehead. “She’ll be fine, I’ll watch out for her.”   
  
Castiel nodded, mind already drifting away. He watched his little girl be carried out the door and toward the maternity ward. He fell asleep quickly after.   
  
Gabriel sat there for a few minutes, watching him sleep peacefully, before getting up to check in on Sam and Dean.   
  
The atmosphere in Dean’s room was cold, lonely. Sam had his head down next to Dean, body wracking with every sob. Dean was still laying, unconscious, his heart monitor beeped steadily. Gabriel didn’t want to imagine how he’d feel if it were his brother on that bed rather than Sam’s.   
  
“Sam.” Gabriel’s heart reached out to him, clenching tightly.   
  
Sam raised his head, his sniffling much more audible. He looked over at Gabriel before looking back at his brother.   
  
“They don’t think he’ll make it.”   
  
Sam broke down into a mess of sobs, and Gabriel ran to his side, rubbing his back. They stayed like that for a while; Sam crying quietly next to Dean, and Gabriel trying to comfort him as best as he could.   
  
“Cas had their baby,” Gabriel said, at some point, hoping it would lighten his mood.   
  
Sam shot upright, frowning. “What? When?”   
  
“Not too long ago,” Gabriel continued to rub his back.   
  
“Why didn’t you tell me? How’d I not know?” Sam looked down the tear stained bedsheets.   
  
“While you were sleeping. You were probably awake when she was born,” Gabriel guessed.   
  
“She? It’s a girl?”   
  
“She’s a girl, yes.”   
  
Sam stood up, seeming to have forgotten about his brother’s condition. “Where is she?”   
  
“Sam–”  
  
“I want to see my niece,” Sam pleaded, red eyes begging. “I need to see her.”   
  
Gabriel was hesitant, his lips pressed firmly together. Sam drew in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.   
  
“I’d like to see her.”   
  
Gabriel relaxed, nodded in understanding, and escorted him to the maternity ward.   
  
  
“Oh my god,” Sam watched from behind the glass window. “Her eyes – it’s like I’m looking at both of them at once.”   
  
The baby was kicking, tiny hands balled up into fists. She was smiling toothlessly. Gabriel wanted Castiel to see just how beautiful his daughter was, and how happy she was already. He wanted to reassure Castiel that everything was going to be fine, and that she’s okay.   
  
“How’s Cas holding up?” Sam questioned, eyes never leaving the baby.   
  
“Okay, I think, he was exhausted,” Gabriel said, stepping away from the window.   
  
Sam folded his arms together, face contorting into a frown. “This is so fucked up.”   
  
“Sam.” Gabriel mirrored his frown.   
  
“No,” Sam sighed. “I meant the timing. Dean, Cavanaugh, and now her. I just feel like they weren’t given enough time to adjust.”   
  
Gabriel ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling it. “They never seem to catch a break, but somehow, they always pull through together. I think for them, that’s all they need.”   
  
Sam nodded, looking back at his niece.   
  
Her toothless smile made Sam want to pick her up and hold her. She looked so happy, so innocent, and so unaware of the dangers in the world. Sam wanted to make sure that she’d never be introduced to those dangers, and that she’d stay protected from it. He wanted his little niece to have everything.   
  
She kicked the blankets off, and her tiny little fists grabbed at the air. The other babies in the ward were either sleeping or crying. She was the only one smiling.   
  
“Do they know what they’re going to name her?” Sam queried.   
  
Gabriel shook his head. “I don’t think so.”   
  
“So smiley,” Sam noted, half-smiling, too.   
  
“Cute, isn’t she?” Gabriel moved closer to Sam. Sam instinctively wrapped his arm him, pulling him closer.  
  
“Adorable,” Sam kissed Gabriel’s temple, eyes still on his niece.   
  
She smiled up at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to start another story soon. Hopefully it will be better than this one!


	30. Fi-an-ce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end...

Castiel woke up halfway through the night. Nothing was out of the ordinary, his body just didn’t need any more sleep. He stared up at the tiled ceiling, concentrating on his breathing. He was in a completely different wing than Dean was, and he could feel the distance. A light ache was radiating within him, tugging at his nerves.   
  
He grunted as he tried to sit upright, wincing at the pain. The heart monitor spiked, and Castiel sighed. He wanted to see Dean. It had been two days since he’d last saw him, but a lot could change in two days.   
  
“Cas?” Gabriel mumbled from a corner of the room. “Cas, what’re you doing?”   
  
Castiel dangled his legs off the side of the bed, attempting to stand up. He whined, the IV and multiple cords were tugging him back.   
  
“I’m going to see Dean,” Castiel whispered back, gently pulling the IV out of his arm. He ripped off the rest of the cords.  
  
“You should really be resting,” Gabriel yawned, getting up to aid his brother.   
  
“I just want to see him,” Castiel explained, grabbing onto Gabriel’s arms.   
  
Gabriel helped him to his feet. “We’ll sneak you in.”   
  
Castiel hobbled toward Dean’s room, clinging onto Gabriel. Gabriel kept a close lookout. Luckily, there weren’t any close calls.   
  
They reached Dean’s room within five minutes. Castiel could basically feel his presence, and was more than eager to see him. Dean woke up as soon as Castiel stepped into the room.   
  
Castiel broke into a smile. With Gabriel’s help, he managed to lean on the bed next to Dean. Gabriel retreated to the door, keeping watch.   
  
“Hi, baby,” Dean reached up to touch his lover’s face. “You look beautiful.”   
  
“Our daughter’s beautiful,” Castiel said, resting his head on Dean’s chest.   
  
“A baby girl?” Dean asked wondrously.   
  
“A girl,” Castiel echoed. He felt Dean wrap his arms around him, squeezing.   
  
“That’s amazing,” Dean’s voice pitched, and Castiel looked up. Dean was crying. “We have a baby girl. I’m so proud of you, of us.”   
  
Dean pulled Castiel in, tenderly kissing his mate. He felt content. He was definitely in some pain, but overall, he was happy. At last, Castiel had exactly what he wanted – his own little family. And Dean was fortunate enough to be a part of it.   
  
Dean’s heart felt full, like everything had finally fallen into place. He was perfectly happy, even sitting in a hospital bed. He knew that somewhere in that hospital, his baby girl was waiting for him, and that gave him motivation.   
  
“What are we going to name her?” Castiel asked, resting his head on Dean’s chest.   
  
“I haven’t actually given it much thought,” Dean admitted, stroking Castiel’s hair. “Did you want to give her a specific name? Something with, I don’t know, a meaning?”   
  
“Tarala.” Castiel muttered, staring out the window.   
  
“Tarala?” Dean repeated, frowning.  
  
“It’s Hindu. It means honeybee,” Castiel elaborated. “We can nickname her Tara, or…”   
  
“No, no,” Dean interrupted him, eager. “Tara’s a beautiful name. We’ll name her Tarala.”   
  
Castiel beamed up at his alpha, a smile curving his face. He could only celebrate silently – there were no words to express just how overwhelmed with joy he was. “I’m excited.”   
  
Dean mirrored his face, chortling lightly, heartily. “So am I.”   
  
  
Months later, Castiel and Dean moved into a smaller house, using the money they saved up over the past two years. Two bedrooms, one bath, enough for a single family. Gabriel and Sam stayed in the big house, all by themselves, working on the emotional part of their relationship.   
  
Gabriel was having a hard time adjusting without his little brother. He was used to looking out for him, being around him. Even after he moved out, he visited his brother twice a day, he practically lived with them.   
  
Eventually, he came to his senses, realizing that Castiel wanted to build a life with Dean. Castiel loved his older brother, and was eternally grateful to him for everything he’d done, but it was time for him to move on. He needed to learn how to live without him, because he can’t always be there.   
  
Sam was content with Gabriel. He didn’t mind that Gabriel liked having a little distance and that they had to keep the PDA at a minimum.   
  
“Baby steps,” he said.   
  
Tara was a strong, healthy baby. Aged at nine months, she was already trying to stand up, completely skipping the crawling stage entirely. Her eyes were brighter; the green was so vibrant, like grape vines. And the blue – secretly Dean favourite the blue over her green – reminded both of them of the Caribbean’s sea.   
  
“Come here, T,” Dean held out his arms, kneeling in front of his daughter.   
  
Tara was attempting to stand up, but kept falling on her side. She giggled every time Dean gave her words of encouragement.   
  
“Come on, you can do it,” Dean shuffled closer, less than two feet away.   
  
Tara pushed herself up onto her feet, legs wobbly. She took one step before falling forward into Dean’s arms, making an “oof” sound.   
  
“Good job, baby girl,” Dean cooed, lifting her up. “You did it!”   
  
Dean stood up, holding her in his arms. Castiel was leaning against the wall, arms crossed.   
  
“Don’t teach her to walk, yet,” Castiel pouted. “I want her to learn how to crawl.”  
  
“She’s doing it on her own, babe,” Dean looked at his daughter proudly, holding her with one arm, proudly, like a trophy.   
  
“She’s growing up so fast,” Castiel sighed, reaching out for her. She reached back.   
  
Castiel brought her to the living room, sitting on the couch. He cradled her, watching as she drooled all over him before sucking on her thumb.   
  
“I can’t get over how beautiful she is,” Dean sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “She gets that from you.”   
  
Castiel blushed. “Her father helped, too.”   
  
Dean laughed, kissing his forehead. “Marry me, Cas.”   
  
Castiel looked up suddenly. Tara stopped sucking her thumb, feeling Castiel’s confusion.   
  
“Like, now?” Castiel asked, nearly stammering.   
  
“No,” Dean chuckled. “Not now, but soon. Marry me, please.”   
  
“Yeah,” Castiel was stunned. “Of course, yeah, I’ll marry you.”   
  
“Yeah?” Dean broke into the biggest smile.   
  
“Yes! Yes,” Castiel leaned in to kiss him. Tara was making squealing noises.   
  
Dean pulled away, sheepishly. “I don’t have a ring to give you–”  
  
“Please, Dean,” Castiel cut him off. “I don’t need one, really”   
  
“Fi-an-ce,” Dean enunciated, winking. “I like that. I like the sound of that.”   
  
Castiel looked down at Tara, who was grabbing at his t-shirt.   
  
“I love you,” Dean muttered, leaning his head against Castiel’s.   
  
“I love you, too,” Castiel replied, too eager.   
  
“I’m here for you,” Dean reminded him.   
  
“I know,” Castiel closed his eyes for a few seconds. “You’ve always been.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, overall, this story was really fun to write. I know the ending could have been better, I could have not put so much conflict, and time jumps. I could have written this differently, and a whole lot better, but this is my first story. I wanted to experiment, and I feel like I understand my writing style better because of this. 
> 
> I want to say thank you to all of you readers. I appreciate your commentary, and you spending your time reading my story. 
> 
> **I will be writing a new story in the next couple of weeks! It will be a Destiel A/B/O story. I've already started planning each chapter out (much more organized, and I'll be more focused on the quality of my writing rather than rushing to post a chapter)**
> 
> This story could have been a whole lot better than what it is, but, hey, I'm not that good of a writer, plus I do it for fun.


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